Mercy On Me

Can't be who I am,
Gotta keep it all inside
I'm happy when I'm out,
But alone I sit and cry.
I smile to keep you happy
I smile when you're around
But all the time I know
My life's come crashing down
You've never looked into my head
and wondered if I cry
I bet you think I'm happy here
But I only want to die

Tell me if you see me
as you walk the halls today
I'm that girl that no one likes
and you make me feel bad in every way
I'm the one forced in a group
when doing projects in school
You're the one who laughs at me
Cuz you think you're too cool
So next time you laugh at me
Just remember this poem
I'm a human being too
and I cry when I'm alone.

Hello! Welcome to YWS!!! This poem is great. I feel like that too, when I'm new at school.

Since you're new you might want to do a few things:

1. For every post you have to review 2 other posts. That's YWS's 2:1 ratio. It will help you get more reviews.

2. You might want to make a post in the Welcome forum. Then members will come and greet you, and explain everything YWS. Here is a link: Welcome!

Onto the review:

Can't be who I am,
Gotta keep it all inside
I'm happy when I'm out,
But alone I sit and cry.
I smile to keep you happy
I smile when you're around
But all the time I know
My life's come crashing down
You've never looked into my head
and wondered if I cry
I bet you think I'm happy here
But I only want to die

This is very long, I suggest you split it up like this:

Can't be who I am,
Gotta keep it all inside
I'm happy when I'm out,
But alone I sit and cry.

I smile to keep you happy
I smile when you're around
But all the time I know
My life's come crashing down

You've never looked into my head
and wondered if I cry
I bet you think I'm happy here
But I only want to die

It would be easier to read that way.
Plus adding punctuation would be good too.

Tell me if you see me
as you walk the halls today
I'm that girl that no one likes
and you make me feel bad in every way
I'm the one forced in a group
when doing projects in school
You're the one who laughs at me
Cuz you think you're too cool
So next time you laugh at me
Just remember this poem
I'm a human being too
and I cry when I'm alone.

Again you should split this up. Here:

Tell me if you see me
as you walk the halls today
I'm that girl that no one likes
and you make me feel bad in every way

I'm the one forced in a group
when doing projects in school

You're the one who laughs at me
Cuz you think you're too cool

So next time you laugh at me
Just remember this poem

I'm a human being too
and I cry when I'm alone.

Wow. This poem is super sad but you did an excellent job on it.
Your imagery and emotion in the poem was great!

I give you a 9/10.

Great job! Feel free to PM me if you have a question about this review or want me to review another one.
~Stormy

hey!
I love your poem , I think it is fantastic!
but if you are getting bullied or hurt stop it before it too late... I've been bullied so many times that I really sometimes want to kill myself...

but back to your brilliant poem! i love how you finished it:

I'm a human being too

and I cry when I'm alone.


but i do think that you should split up your poem a bit more, like this

Can't be who I am,

Gotta keep it all inside

I'm happy when I'm out,

But alone I sit and cry.



I smile to keep you happy

I smile when you're around

But all the time I know

My life's come crashing down



You've never looked into my head

and wondered if I cry

I bet you think I'm happy here

But I only want to die

because it would give the poem a better flow!

thats all from me for now!
just dont forget that hese are only suggestions and dont change your poem if you like it!

dancingclouds

This poem was written by me, Alesha Rae Faulkner, and copyrighted in 1999 on NetPoets.com
How DARE you steal poetry!? That is so low.