****Part One****
“Olivia,” I called. “I am going out today.” I was looking at myself in the vanity mirror. My hair flowed in lose curls down my back. I tilted my head to the side as I examined the refection in the mirror. Without the fancy clips, bows, and curls my hair looked so natural and beautiful. The golden strands reflected the sunlight in a blazing glow. I sighed as I picked up the brush and began to straighten out the curls. The fashion was to wear it in a bun, a plain, tight, and painful bun.
“Where to?” she asked quietly as she entered the room. She walked to my wardrobe and picked out a Mantua dress.
I turned around on my stool to get a better look at the dress. “No, that will definitely not do.” It was as bulky as the one I had worn last week when I went to the mill. Remembering my favorite dress getting that tear, well, I wouldn’t let it happen again. “Something a bit more feathery.”
“Feathery?” she retorted.
I nodded. “Petite.”
“Petite?”
I sighed. “Yes, Olivia. Something smaller.”
Olivia’s face scrunched up in a grimace that was unattractive as she placed the fancy gown back in the wardrobe.
I turned back to the mirror as I said, “The mill. I wish to revisit it while it’s up and running.” I pulled my hair tightly back so it hanged down like a horse’s tail, then pinned it up in a bun, hissing at the pain the entire time.
I could see her nodding behind me through the mirror. “Does your father know of this adventure?” she asked as she pulled out a simple white gown. It was lined with lace that covered the satin skirt. I had only worn it once on a picnic with my father back home. Well, back at our old home.
“The dress is perfect for my adventure that my father knows nothing about,” I said rather fast, hoping she’d dismiss it completely.
Olivia looked at me shocked. “But, Miss, your father would go mad if he hears of such things.”
“Oh hush, Olivia. He will not.” I stood up and walked behind the screen that was in front of a corner of the room, creating a somewhat private changing area. “If you do as much as to say one peep to my father, I will have you fired. You hear me, Olivia? He isn’t to know of my where a bouts.”
I peered around the screen to see her silent nod. She was holding out my dress for me to step in to. Compared to the Mantuas, the simple gown seemed weightless.
“Pardon my rudeness, Miss.” Olivia said as she tied the bodice. “Do you have any other motives for going to the mill?”
“Motives?” I repeated.
“Yeah, do you have any other reasons for going? I know you, Miss, and I know that you’d find such a place to be a bore.”
My heart started to race within me. She saw right threw my façade; there was no way of hiding it. She knew there was an ulterior motive for going to the mill, but I couldn’t let her know if it. Before I answered her, I took three deep breaths to calm my nerves. “No,” I simply said once she was finished tying the bow.
The family’s carriage was waiting for me in the front of the house by the time I was finished getting ready. I had called upon it the evening before while I was developing my scheme to go back to the mill. Which, the plan had ended the moment I stepped out of the carriage at the mill. I hadn’t thought I’d actually make it that far.
Inside, I followed the path that Mr. Hopkins had us travel down the week before. That time, however, the halls were completely baron of workers and there was little to no noise. I was pushed aside several times as workers would run up and down the corridors, sometimes with sharp objects in their hands, sometimes nothing at all.
I managed to find the room that I had met Jeremiah in, this time; however, it wasn’t as forsaken. The looms were running at an unbelievably fast rate as the women walked back and forth, minding them. The ceiling was covered with a thick cloud of smoke that filled my lungs roughly as I emerged through the door.
A man, a few years younger than my father, minded the women. He seemed to be a supervisor of sorts because he was giving them instructions on how to work the machines, not that I thought they’d need instructing. He yelled and hollered at them to fasten their pase if they hoped to get their monthly wages.
“Miss, Lizze!” A young woman exclaimed, catching my attention.
The voice came from my traveling companion, Prudence Knox. “Prudence,” I exclaimed in a more excited tone.
Prudence looked me up and down in approval of my dress, then asked, “What are you doing here?”
My fingers entwined with each other behind my back with nervousness. “I wished to see the mill while it was working. What are you doing here?” I asked in return.
“Lizzie,” she pulled me to the side to get out of the way of others. “You shouldn’t be here. This place can be very dangerous.” She had to pause to let out a dry cough.
“Dangerous?” I questioned. “Dangerous how?”
She looked around us then continued. “The looms and mills can get caught on your dress and suck ya in. Or you could lose a finger.” She brought her hand up for me to examine. Just like Jeremiah’s, her hand had deep scrapes dashing in each direction. “I’ve seen it happen only once so far. And according to the older workers, that is usually a good thing. A child,” tears came to her eyes then as she coughed. “She was only seven or eight. She was trying to fix one of the jammed looms and her sleeve was caught on a gear. They didn’t wait for her to get out before they turned the machines back on.” Water streamed down her face, but she tried to hide it as quickly as they came. “She didn’t make it, Lizzie. The doctor isn’t for miles and the manager didn’t even bother to take her there. He said it was already too late. He said it as if he didn’t care.”
I didn’t have time to react to her story. A stern voice asked, “What’s going on here?” The supervisor stood behind Prudence. Her eyes widened with fear at the sound of his deep voice.
“I’m sorry,” I quickly said. “The distraction was all my doing.”
“I don’t care who the distraction is!” He grunted. “Get back to work the both of yous. You’re wasting my money.”
I had the slight urge to scream at this man in return to his rudeness, but I knew it wasn’t my place to do so. I knew that saying anything would make the situation worse. But, of course, I couldn’t help the comment that followed. “Excuse me sir, but our discussion was only for a moment.”
His eyes widened. “Are you back sassin’ me?”
He raised his arm to strike me and I recoiled with fear, but he was distracted by another man’s voice. “Nate!” the familiar voice called. The supervisor named Nate lowered his hand.
I glanced at the man that had saved me, already knowing who it was. I couldn’t help the slight smile that formed on my face as Jeremiah fished his way past the workers.
“Nate,” he said again. “I’ll take care of her,” Jeremiah said in a stern voice.
My smile faded when he spoke. He sounded as mean as Nate had and I felt the slight fear that he would throw me out.
The man named Nate nodded to Jeremiah then turned to Prudence. “Get to work!” Then he turned to the crowd that had formed during the tiff. “All of yous!”
Jeremiah took me by the arm gently and pulled me out of the cloudy looming room. I kept my head down, not wanting to look at the frown on his face. Once we were in an abandoned hallway, he stopped to look at me. “What are you doing here?” He asked almost angrily.
“This is my father’s mill. I can come and go as I please,” I said, trying to match his tone but failed. “Who was that?” I asked suddenly. “I should report him to my father,” I thought out loud. Then, I considered that telling my father of Nate’s rudeness would only ruin my adventure. I’d have to tell him that I went to the mill. “Well, thank you.” I said to Jeremiah who I had almost forgotten. Almost.
He was leaning against the wall opposite me staring curiously. His quizzical brow and crooked grin made him look older again and very handsome. My heart started to race again as I stared back at him.
He turned to walk down the hall and my heart came to a staggering halt. The fear that he would simply walk away from me caused me to act out. Stopping him seemed right at the time, but I would soon learn was the turning point of my life.
Characterization - Pretty good job on the MC as usual. But, what exactly is Nate like? Right now, I'm kinda scared of him...But, that's just a little bit..I want to freak out! I want to think "Oh my god, what's he going to do?!" And, right now, my thoughts are going something like "Oh, I guess he isn't too nice...rather violent too..." I mean, that's exxagerated but y'know what I mean right? One of the main skills in characterization is making people relatable. Now, most people haven't been in a mill about to be hit by a supervisor. So, we have to make it similar to something that people can picture. Everyone's been scared out of their minds sometime or the other. Now, each person is scared of a different thing or person. But, everyone's scared of the unknown. So, build a cloak of mystery around him. Say that he is towering over her, a big black shadow looming. Maybe add that the noise stops immediately (orders mills to be turned off) and all she could here was his growl. Ya know what I mean?
