..Xdpyfd.. (Scene 1- Part 2)

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Xdpyfd Continues..
Part 2
Enjoy Reading! :)
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CRAZYGAL: ThRee.. yEw aRe FREEeee!!

Aww!!! She logged out. I was having such a good time today. Why did she leave? Now I'm going to get bored. This thought scares me, but boredom gets those who are boring and I'm not.
There are pretty chances that she didn’t log out. Because it’s a girl’s usual habit to monitor people whom they are interested in. Is she still online and monitoring me?

I decided to update my profile with latest pic's and videos, so that it looks good.My profile was something like this:

[...Details of «Ξιggע Piggע™»: profile..]

As I was on the way to add new video, again alert message popped up from the bottom of my screen. That made me think, “Is Babylicious online again?”.But this time it was Ina.

INA: I'm sorry....

Ina? It's not Babylicious!! Who's this Ina? Why she is sorry to me? What she did to me? I'll come to know when I'll check her scrap.

INA: I'm sorry.
Can't be friends.
I don't talk to strangers.


‘Don't talk to strangers..’ That tells me that she is a sweet and simple girl who doesn't know all the bitchy and tricky things like other girls. A girl who is happy with limited friends in her own group. It's going to be tough to get this fish in, but I'll try. It feels so good to understand others crystal clear. But what if you can't understand yourself completely? Maybe Babylicious was right. I'm a such a confused person.

«Ξιggע Piggע™»:I know ma'am.
But until you talk with me. How can you know me?


Flirting won't work here. Simple girls need simple replies. May be this simple scrap with effective reason might get her into my friend list.

INA: Sorry!
I don't want Friendship with you.


Sorry? Messing with me? Need more genuine and strong reason to convenience her? It's not easy to trap a simple girl. But if once trapped they’re never going to leave you. Whatever you do and wherever you are.

«Ξιggע Piggע™»:Ok ma'am.
But once take a look around all your friends.
They all were once strangers to you, like I am now.
Give me chance, I'll prove to be good friend.

INA: I'm Sorry.
Now don't scrap me again.


‘Don't scrap me again.’ She really means that? If she didn’t want my scrap in her scrapbook, she might have ignored me. But since she didn’t ignore me that means she wants me. I will continue.

«Ξιggע Piggע™»:Ok ma'am.
I'm glad you didn’t add me.
In fact I'm happy.


Again CHAOS theory here, she might be thinking I'll be upset by her "No." But I'm not.
Addicted means unexpected and totally unexpected. That's me. let's wait for her quick reply.

INA: Then stay happy forever.. Bye!

She's in addicted zone. How can se leave so early? She's not going to leave until I want.

«Ξιggע Piggע™»:Thank you ma'am.
For making me happy.
But before you leave, listen to one thing.


INA: I don't want to listen anything.
I said no friendship.
Final!


«Ξιggע Piggע™»:: I'm glad you didn’t add me.
Actually I like girls like you, who are too conscious.
Always stay that way
.

INA: Done? Bye now?

«Ξιggע Piggע™»:Ma'am Net is totally a virtual world.
You can never trust anyone until you know them properly.
Do you know my real Identity?
Terrorist, Hacker, Fakes, I can be anyone.
About whom even you can't think.
You guess WHO AM I?

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Here Comes the ends of first Scene..
Hope you Like it! :cry: :cry:




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Gender Female
Points 345
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Hey! Here's your review.

Nitpicks

INA: Sorry!
I don't want Friendship with you.

Instead, you could say "I don't want to be friends with you."
Dont want friendship with you is wrong.

Need more genuine and strong reason to convenience her?

Oops! Typo! :( It should be 'convinve.'

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One thing I noticed here was that previously, the M.C was chatting with Babylicious. Here it says ‘Crazygal.’

Again CHAOS theory here, she might be thinking I'll be upset by her "No." But I'm not.
Addicted means unexpected and totally unexpected. That's me. let's wait for her quick reply.
It’s not how you think it is, my friend. You’re trying to say that the girl will be disturbed because she expected the M.C to be upset. Let me tell you, not all girls are dumb.
Think about it this way-If the M.C didn’t want to be the girl’s friend, then why did he send the request in the first place? If I have the sense to think of it, INA probably has the sense too. Don’t make your characters respond the way your M.C wants…think how a real girl would react. I get numerous similar replies like, “I am happy you don’t want to be my friend.” And that doesn’t create any CHAOS, in fact it just shows what an immature and annoying person the other is. It’s crystal clear that he can’t handle rejection and is begging for attention.

Overall, it was good. But as I said before, it needs more working. Make it more fun to read because the concept is great. You just need to work on making it more interesting. Widen your vocabulary, experiment with new words. Your story is what you make it, and make it a good one because you seem to have potential.
All the best,
TeenQueen.



I wondered why we put villains in our stories when we have plenty of them in real life; then I realized that maybe we wanted stories where the good guy wins.
— nogutsnoglory