Half Empty

Walk through the hallways
Strain a fake grin
And allow them to think you’re content.
So they can believe
You have something in common
At least to some minute extent.

Do not wave hello
As they slightly brush past
Do not give away what you’re thinking.
Pretend you don’t notice
Their emerald eyes
As you feel your heart throbbing and sinking

The glass is half empty
Though they say its half full.
The concept is almost insane.
Though when they wave hi
You begin to believe
In some small maddened part of your brain.

You quicken your pace
As you turn a new corner
They see you and instantly smile.
No time to look down
To stare at your feet
To act like you are in denial.

Smile back shyly
The glass is half full
For a second your mask is half torn.
But seconds don’t last
And your smile will die
As quickly as it was born.

Line up with the others
On the painted cement
Wait for the official to shout.
Begin with a jog, it is crucial you win
Be sure not to wear yourself out.

Don’t try to show off
You’ll look like a fool.
There still is one mile to go.
Don’t listen, just sprint
‘till your legs start to bleed
Go faster, go faster, don’t slow.

The rain feels like bullets
It soaks through your hair
And then trickles down past your cheek.
Cross through the finish
Don’t pant or breathe heavy
Or else it’s a sign that you’re weak.

You’re happy you won
They don’t care they lost
And couldn’t care you came in first.
Their glass is still full
Though your glass has shattered
Damning you to eternal thirst.

My first impression was- wow! So much emotion portrayed, with gorgeous style. A few points for improval, though:

1. "At least to some minute extent."
"some small extent would probably fit in better with the rest of the verse, read the two versions aloud and you'll see what I mean.

2."Do not wave hello

As they slightly brush past"

Simmilarly, "brush slightly past" would probably flow better, the way you've written it sounds a little awkward.

3. "The glass is half full

For a second your mask is half torn."
I don't like the word "half" repeated so soon, and it's not really neccasary in the second line. "Your mask is torn" would work fine.

4."Don’t listen, just sprint

‘till your legs start to bleed"
As far as I know, you can't make your legs bleed from running, so you might want to alter that line. Unless you meant ti metaphorically?

5."Don’t pant or breathe heavy"
Bad grammar, I'm afraid. Try "breath hard".

6. I'm not sure I understand the last verse, unless the narrator's intention was to hurt the oppoments?

Like I said, it's a fantastic poem, it just needs a little smoothing out.

thanks or the review
ill try to fix it

and yea the "til your legs start to bleed" line is meant metaphorically =]

Well, I certainly liked it. I felt it had a rhythm in it that made it easy to follow but unpredictable, as in it could change gradually. (Not sure if that made sense.) The way certain words were phrased and put together made it good too. For example:

Walk through the hallways
Strain a fake grin <----- Nice
And allow them to think you’re content.
So they can believe
You have something in common
At least to some minute extent. <---- Pretty good too

And:

In some small maddened part of your brain <----- I thought that was pretty good too,

especially the maddened part.

Anyway, that's just some of the things in the beginning that I liked. Now when it got to the end it got intense. There were more descriptive words that you could "paint a picture with". I really liked the ending.

Yeah. A few sentences could be improved to make it smoother but nothing a quick change can't fix. I won't go into detail about that, I think you get the picture. So, yeah, I really liked this poem it was good and deep. It actually got me thinking.