Hiding

Is this good or does it need work?

Hiding in the darkness
From the evil one
Here she comes around the corner
I take off and run.

Through the maze of corridors
Hiding in a room
Her footsteps echo everywhere
The sound of coming doom.

No place to go
No place to be
I’m hiding from the other
Side of me.

Hello there!
Before I start my comments, I would just like to fore-warn you that I am certainly not qualified to do this. I have no poetical experience and I am an incredibly blunt person with metaphors.
Also, nothing is perfect, everything needs a little bit of work.

Let us begin!

First off, I would like to tell you to be a bit more wordy and descriptive so that you can get the reader into your piece almost like a real story. With your piece it is fairly clear cut, no smilies or many metaphors. I recommend looking at other peoples poems and incorporating what they have done to make it almost sound beautiful and meaningful. I love hidden meanings and there is certainly one in here that you revealed at the end, but I believe you should try to paint pictures with your words.
For Example;

Hiding in the darkness
From the evil one
Here she comes around the corner
I take off and run.

I believe you could possibly use synonyms and more adjectives to make this revamped. Like describing the darkness, or describe the evil one. Try to decribe the setting. I know this is incredibly hard to do in poetry at that is why my own in fairly bland. But to incorporate more discription and painted pictures, the more the reader will be able to connect.

Secondly, I noticed sometimes your number of syllables don't add up. I am the same way, and just recently a person told me a strategy to fixing it up and to know what you are missing. Try saying your poem out loud and try tapping out the syllables with a pencil on your desk. You will notice how it doesn't line up. The reason why she told me that was because mine were getting lengthy. Yours to me are to too short at points.

Also, I do not know how to properly use punctuation for poems. All I know is that you are certainly missing some. Add commas and periods at the ends of your sentence when deemed appropriate. I am sure someone else will tell you how to fix that.

And finally, your last stanza.

No place to go
No place to be
I’m hiding from the other
Side of me.

It works but I believe you formatted it wrong. It just sounds distinctly wrong because when a line breaks, I pause and I believe that pause should not be there. You could add a comma there, and you also need another syllable for the last line. I believe you could just try to find a adjective. Your creative. I am sure you will be able to do it.

And now that I am done, I would just like to say that this was a good poem. It had a deep meaning behind it and I can slightly connect to it. It kind of reminds me of a person not liking who they have become. That happened to me before, and it hit me all of a sudden too. I was out of place for weeks trying to figure out who I really was.

Don't feel qualified to change your poem because of me, because certainly I know nothing about poetry. It is a 50/50 chance and if you take my advice, I am pretty sure it might make it a bit better.

I hope to read more of your work.

~Incognito

Hiding in the darkness
From the evil one
Here she comes around the corner
I take off and run.

• This entire stanza lacks iambic pentameter and a good syllable pattern. Each line seems thrown off by the one after it. You should try to even out the amount of syllables in each line. For example.

Hiding in the darkness
From the evil one there
She's coming 'round the corner
I take off up the stair.

I'm not saying you should use that one, but that's an example of how you'd measure out your syllables. So.
• Otherwise, this is a good introduction to the poem.

Through the maze of corridors
Hiding in a room
Her footsteps echo everywhere
The sound of coming doom.

• This one's better. Actually a lot better. The meter is overall correct. Good.

No place to go
No place to be
I’m hiding from the other
Side of me.

• This one is terribly forced as well as off meter. Try something like~
No place to go
No place to be
I'm hiding from the alter-ego
The other side of me.
This way, it keeps the rhyme scheme and the overall tempo.

---

This was a very smart poem. It was absolutely brilliant with the extended metaphors. I really had no idea what was coming until the very last stanza. Wonderful work.

I hope you'll take into some consideration what I've advised as I think that it would help. For the future, try to keep meter and rhythm in mind. As well as regulating your rhyme scheme.

Peace, Love and Sugar Packets~
Forever Threnody