Untitled

There's nothing for me here
Nothing but hate, smiles, lies and tears

I laugh, I love to hide my pain
But no one cares to really see

Depression sinks deep, in my own skin
I feel myself changing, yet it's welcome

I know now that smiles equal unhappiness
Because everytime I laugh, another peice of me is gone

Life is hard and life really sucks
But I'm here to make the best of it

I try but I find life's hard and I'm weak
I hate to love, even myself, but love is my strength

In this dismal, dark, depressing world
I have found light to show me the way

Believe me I know that what you hear is true
Love gives you strength and love conquers all


~Nicole

I know it's not that good and my grammar is horrid.
I appologize but this is very special to me because it symbolizes a time I went through in my life.
I welcome critques but go easy on me, I didn't want to change too much.
Thanks!

This isn't so much a critique as an understanding post I guess...

Personally I have found that I love a lot of the poetry on here, this one included.

Depression is a big pain and a lot of people don't understand it.

That's enough of that though...

*I felt like I really understood it--related to it, but I guess that could be because of a similar emotional time in my life.

I try but I find life's hard and I'm weak

It could just be how I read, but without the comma before "but" I skipped it -twice- and read,
I try I find life (and that's about where I stopped before re-reading it.)

'Tis all, good work.

Because everytime I laugh, another peice of me is gone

Should be "every time" and "piece".

As you guessed, the poem isn't all that great. First, it is navel gazing, done more for the author than it is for the art of it. As a result, the appeal is usually limited to the author. There are plenty of navel gazing poets and all of them say pretty much the same sort of stuff. It's hard to stand out with that material.

Second, the poem wasn't really poetic. Usually when you write poetry, you want to create an emotion for the reader. Romantic poems are meant to stimulate romantic emotions. Good poems communicate that.

This one didn't convey any emotion, be it depression or grace. As a result, the poem fell flat.

Take the quote above, see how weird it is?

Something like this might have evoked more of an emotion:

"With each laugh, I lose a little more. Soon nothing will remain."

Just my opinion.

That's actually a really good point. I completely agree. I already know it sucked because I did write it for myself and not an audience. When I wrote it I didn't think of an audience because I didn't want an audience. It was my personal thoughts. It's really not supposed to mean anything to the audience because this wasn't meant to be shared. I mean my poetry isn't really good to begin with because I am more of a creative writer. I just wanted to say that you had very interesting points and I couldn't agree more it's just I don't want to change it. It's very special to me.

The idea behind reviewing is so that you can get feedback from readers. We generally assume that you want it to be publishable. Even if you say you don't intend to change a thing, most reviewers will automatically critique from that viewpoint. We can't help it really.

Oh I know. I don't want this to be published. This is my first poem up. I wanted to put something...sentimental up first. I just wanted to see what everyone thought of it. There are a lot of people who go through this sort of thing. The next one I put up I'll be sure it's a good one but as I said before. I am more of a creative writer.

Well done.

Sorry but i disagree with Griffankeeper. If you write for an audience and not yourself your not a writer. Writers are the ones who write because they love it and as some people talk through things, we write through them. Your boyfriend breaks up with you, you write about it. You are depressed you write about it. Writers write for themselves and usually others like what they wrote. You could write because its just what you do, not be any good at it and still be a writer. I want an audience. I want people to like what I read. But you can't please everyone so you shouldn't try. Tiger I liked it. And I liked it even better because you said it was for you. It doesn't have to be big-screen worthy as long as it means something to you. Okay. Rant over. I get carried away sometimes. But that's my opinion.

Hey, ya it didn't have periods in it. That is pretty much all I have to say. I actually like this poem. I could feel the emotion that went into this and it made me really think. So I think you did a great job in that aspect of it. I hope to read more of your writing

Hey(:

I really liked your poem. It was greatly relatable for me, and I understand how it feels to be the person in this poem. The only thing that I would change is some of the wording and where your commas were placed. Other than that, I think you did a great job giving the readers a way to visualize how you are feeling and changing.

Good job, and keep it up.