Untitled chapter one *edited*

Hey =]

I'd just like to say a massive 'thank you' to everyone who has helped me edit this story. The reviews you have all given have been wonderfully helpful!

I really can't thank you enough

Your positive comments have really spurred me on to write the next parts!

xDudettex

Dudette, you have so many excellent reviews already, so forgive me if this seems a bit repetitive...Oh, and thanks for using my thread!
Imagery - As I'm sure you've heard a lot, it's slightly lacking. For instance, when you say that she was comforted by the smell of coffee, how did she feel? Did the worry lines in her forehead simply evaporate away? Did the coffee's smell waft and surround her in a cocoon (which I think I spelled wrong XD) of warmth and safety? You get the idea right?
Characterization - You characterized the MC pretty well, and it was quite easy to get into her head...But, if you are going to spend a lot of time with the bus driver, I would make him easier to understand. Was he grumpy and impatient as she found her change? Did he roll his eyes at the old ladies yelling over the engine? Was he feeling a little sick because of the weather? Does he enjoy his job or does he just want to get home? Y'know, just to make him a little easier to relate to...
Mood - This is a rather opinionated category so I'm not going to elaborate too much. Sadie seems to be used to being stalked. I'm not sure if this was intentional or not...If not, I would delete the detail about the many notes/gifts. This seems to convey a rather bored tone...Although she is furious, she seems to check for the note anyway, and that makes it seem like a day-to-day affair. To make it more exciting, maybe the notes are in different places each time or something like that. This could create an aura of waiting and wondering what is going to happen, and when it will. Other than that, it seemed mysterious and really interesting!
Description - I would add a little more in this chapter. This would serve to bulk up the size and make it seem less like a prologue as well. For instance, are the seats in the bus always dirty? Does the bus driver have gray hair? Maybe have one of the shop workers remark on the MC's hair or something...Y'know just to help us get a picture in our mind.
Overall - Nice job on this! It was a cute theme and I've never heard it before. Love your originality. For the next part, I would like to get a little more on the other characters (bus driver if he's going to be back, store workers etc.). You might wish to consider switching POVs so that you can add a little more detail about the lesser characters lives. It would help show why they are acting the way they are and make them more relatable...
PM me if you have any questions!
fluteluvr77<3

The requested critique-

I purposefully didn't read the prologue before this because 90% of the time they're not needed. I was fine without reading it, so why include it?

I really don't like critiquing your work, as I never find much wrong with it. However, this time something felt off. It wasn't as hooking as your stories normally are. I grew bored.

You need to amplify the emotions and senses tenfold. Let me feel like I'm there. Let the unease of seeing the note wash over me. Let me grow angry at the woman staring at me. If the reader doesn't feel the emotions, you failed at your job - let me feel the emotions.

Also, I found an article while critiquing someone else's work that I think would help you. It's Unneeded Information by Suzanne. I don't think you need it much, but it could help make your writing a little more crisp.

Sorry for the short critique!

~JFW1415