Fearless Battle with Imprudence

Your words,
they flare
arguing,
battling,
my thoughts

My thoughts
are brave
always
awaiting
freedom

My thoughts
are free,
now,
bearing
imprudence

My actions
are rash,
soiled,
tainted,
with anger

I am sorry
my friend;
my fearless
thoughts
have hurt you

I wrote this for a contest and I think it came out really good. Tell me what YOU think now!

Hi Peanut Gallery! June here!

I like your title for this poem alot. Because the actual title (Fearless Battle with Imprudence) is not included in the stanzas of the poem, the title works brilliantly. Now! Here's what I think on the poem:

Your words,

they flare

arguing,

battling,

my thoughts

Okie, so. See, this was sort of confusing for me to read this dear, because I can read it two ways, both which make sense, and I'm not sure what's correct.

• Your words, they flare arguing. Battling my thoughts.

Or:

• You words, they flare. Arguing, (and) battling my thoughts.

See, if you've meant it the first way, meaning that they flare/ignite/start arguments, then, I think that arguing should be changed to argument, dear.

However, if you meant it the second way, I would suggest dropping the comma after "words", and removing the "they" so that it reads smoother as one line. I would suggest also using "and" to show the connectivity between the two words, dear.


Anyway! Moving on:

I strongly like this poem. It's carrying blame for both sides of the story; first the one being spoken to/about, and then the one speaking.

I like the repetition of "My thoughts". I think if you had used it even one more time, it would have become bothersome.



So! I agree with you, dear. This did come out really good! Two thumbs up and a gold star for you.

Well done, Peanut

Juniper

Hello, I'm Colt. Nice little poem you have there.

Pros:
+Good format, each stanza is the same amount of lines.
+Great use of alliteration and repetition.
+It's short and sweet, not long and boring.

Cons:
-Some grammar and punctuation errors
-No similes or metaphors, you can use those. Imagery is helpful. Homeric similes are genius. PM me if you don't know what those are and I'll explain.
-Personification is also helpful too.

A bit okay on grammar, but overall it's great with grammar. I found the beginning kind of weird. It didn't mix in with the rest. It started off with "your" when the others started with "my." I would change that somehow.

I liked it and good job.
-Colt

Again you didnt rhyme; good for you!
it seems like you might have repeated 'my thoughts' too mant times; it disrupts the flow. Otherwise i really liked it.

Oh.. was this about me?

As requested :)

Here are the changes I would make.

Your words,
they flare
arguing,
battling,
[s]my thoughts[/s]

my thoughts
are brave
always
awaiting
freedomcomma

[s]My thoughts [/s]
are free,
now,
bearing
imprudenceperiod

My actions
are rash,
soiled,
tainted,
with anger

I am sorrycomma
my friend;
my fearless
thoughts
have hurt youperiod

I'd really like the flow of this piece without the lines I crossed out.
Otherwise, good job. :)

Thank you all so much for your thoughts, nit- picks, and reviews! I enjoy getting help with my poetry, because it needs it, hehe.