Clues *Edited*

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A/N- This is for Bittersweet's Unusual Day at the Library contest

Claire sighed as she walked into the neighbourhood library. It was an all-too familiar place for her to spend weekends. Usually, she didn’t mind spending her time here. The smell of old books was comforting, and she usually found some interesting novels while taking a break from homework. Only today was Thursday. The night she usually spent at home with her parents playing board games. Claire grumbled as she set her books down at her unofficial table. Stupid Mid-Terms.

Claire nodded to the librarian as she went to the History section. She needed to read some book about Alexander the Great for a test later in the week. Normally she didn't need to study quite so much for a test, but history has her lowest grade.

Just get the work done, she mentally sighed. Once it’s done, you don’t have to look at it again.

She was about to set her book down on the table when she noticed a book at her seat. Claire glanced at the chair to make sure her bookbag was still there to mark her place. Whoever left this mustn’t have seen my bag.

Claire looked around. There wasn’t anybody to speak of near by. People around here usually left tables with coats on them alone. Especially during Mid-Terms. And if they did use part of it, they certainly wouldn’t leave a book there unattended and unopened. She glanced at the title out of curiosity.

A Brief History of Time

Quantum physics. Whoever had left this book behind had picked just the book for her. Claire traded the history text in her hands for the book that had been left at her seat. Surely, just looking wouldn’t hurt. After all, she did have a physics test to study for. Even though it wasn’t for another two weeks.

Claire thumbed through the pages, not wanting to get too deeply into anything. Just a quick break, then back to history. She lost control of the slow flipping of pages and the book opened somewhere in the middle. Claire frowned. Somebody had left a bookmark at that place. She shifted the book to one hand and picked up a stray piece of paper between the pages.

Call number— C108-342-67

Claire put the paper back and snapped the book shut. The last thing she needed was to figure out what book somebody had forgotten about. She didn’t want any distractions from studying. Her grade in history was low enough.

She put the book at the other end of the table and sat down at her usual seat. Whoever had left the book could pick it up again and not have to disturb her. Claire started reading her own book, but she kept a careful eye on whoever walked by her table. It shouldn’t take long for somebody to pick up that book, or ask if this was my seat, she thought. After all, I had only been gone five minutes. The person must till be around.

Time ticked by just as slowly as Claire read the book under her nose. Five minutes passed, then ten, then fifteen. She kept glancing up to see if somebody had taken that book yet, but it was still exactly where she’d left it. Claire looked up more and saw a call computer that wasn’t being used.

I really should just leave this be… Claire hesitated a moment longer before going to the computer and typing in the call number. One book came up; Macbeth. Claire rested her chin on her hand. Her class was doing Macbeth this semester.

Weird. Claire shrugged off the coincidence. She went through the library’s shelves to find a copy of the play, ignoring the handful of people in one English class or another. Claire knew a handful from her class; the ones who needed to spend the extra time studying.

Once she found the book she flipped through the pages. This time her thumb stopped near the end. Just like the first book, there was a piece of paper stuck between the pages.

Call number—R907-524-12

Claire went to the computer a second time, typing in the new call number. This time the book was on art history. Another one of my classes… This time she raised her eyebrow at the coincidence. She got up a little slower this time and went to get the book.

Making her way to the art section, Claire still had to weave around a few stray teenagers. From their slightly eccentric, and very bright, clothes she guessed they were mostly art students. However, she didn't recognize any of them. Of course, she never hung around the artists.

This book, like all the others, has a piece of paper stuck in-between the pages.

Call number— C897-289-10

Claire typed in the new call-number. A Young Adults fantasy popped up. She sighed and got up. This was beginning to take awhile. I hope my history book is still there when I finish this…

She went to the almost deserted section of the library and tried to find the shelf with that call number. The only people around were the middle-schoolers without Mid-Terms or the students at her school who never studied and got perfect marks. How they pulled that off Claire had no idea. Even though she had all A’s, she worked her tail off for every test.

Rounding the corner to the correct aisle, Claire spotted a guy about her age, with sandy-blonde hair and a tan, facing the shelf. With one hand he held a book, with the other he placed a piece of paper between the pages. Once the paper was in place, he put the book back and continued down the aisle, out of her sight.

Claire didn’t bother to look at the call numbers. She went right to the area that guy had been looking at. Once she was in approximately the same location she scanned the call numbers.

One of the books was a match. Claire picked it up and glanced at the cover. The colours on it matched the colours on the book that guy had been holding. She raised an eyebrow and looked back down the aisle. Is he the one…?

She opened the book and found another note.

Turn around.

Claire’s breath caught in her throat. She quickly scolded herself. Nobody was in sight. She chuckled and turned back the way she had come.

The guy was there.

Claire yelped and dropped the book. Several shushes came in all directions. She couldn’t help but blush. To hide it, she went to pick up the fallen book.

“Sorry,” she muttered, standing back up.

He shook his head, a slight blush on his cheeks. “It’s—it’s okay. Sorry I scared you. My name’s Daniel, by the way.” He didn’t offer his hand to shake, just stuffed them in the pockets of his jeans. It didn’t really matter. Claire wasn’t in the mood to shake hands anyway. She was afraid he would feel her still-pounding heart through her hands.

“Claire.” She bit her lip. “I wasn’t exactly expecting anybody to be there. I mean, the aisles were clear a second ago.”

“I was just looking for, um, something to take a break with. Studying’s just deadly when you do it too much.”

“Yeah, it can be.” She wondered if she should tell him. Tell him she knew he’s the one that planted the notes.

No, she wouldn’t. She had seen him plant one, and that was enough. After all, the idea was to make this situation less awkward, not more. She didn’t want to scare such a cute, and seemingly nice, guy away.

Claire put the book back on the shelf. “I haven’t seen you around before.”

Daniel shrugged. “Just moved here a few weeks ago. Took awhile to get settled.”

“That must have been interesting,” she said dryly.

He nodded slowly. “Oh, it was. Thankfully that’ll be our last move in awhile.”

“You’ve moved a lot, then?”

He shrugged. “My dad’s in the army. It comes with the job. But, he retired this year and took another job, so we’re staying put. Hey, do you want to study with me? Quiz me on some physics terms? I could use the help.”

Claire smiled. “Only if you help me with history.”

He held out his hand. “Done!”

She took it. “Grab your books and meet me at the front. You should see me sitting at a table there.”

Daniel nodded and disappeared down the ailes. Claire couldn’t help but rub her hand as she went back to her seat. It was a little warm from Daniel’s touch.

The next hour saw Claire and Daniel at Claire’s table, working on physics then history. As it turned out, history was Daniel’s best class. All the dates and places started to make sense in Claire’s head. Daniel also seemed to appreciate her explaining quantum mechanics to him. Come the end of their study session, both their brains were full and Daniel’s ride was here.

“So, will I see you again tomorrow?” Claire asked, trying to keep the eagerness out of her voice. “Like, to study?”

He nodded, slinging his bookbag over his shoulder. “Sure. Same time after school?”

“Yep! And the same table.”

He waved over his shoulder, heading for the door and his waiting mom. “Bye Claire.”

She waved back. “Bye!”

Once he was out of sight, Claire began looking over some notes he had given her to study. On the first page, in the top right-hand corner, was his phone number. Claire smiled and rested her chin on her hand. Maybe coming to the library on Thursday wasn’t so bad after all.
Last edited by Rosendorn on Sun Mar 29, 2009 8:36 pm, edited 2 times in total.
A writer is a world trapped in a person— Victor Hugo

Ink is blood. Paper is bandages. The wounded press books to their heart to know they're not alone.




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Hey Rosey!
Awesome job.
I couldn't find any mistakes >.< ( If the next person to review finds any, I will scream :P) The characters were brought out well, especially Daniel's mysterious and shy personality The only thing I would like to comment about is that i think you should show how Claire feels about this guy's attention a bit more. Does she like it? Does it freak her out? Elaborate just a teeny bit more on that when they're studying and it's perfect! :)
xxmimixx
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Hey, Rosey! I felt so bad about my review on the first draft. :oops: I'm not in such a hurry today, so I hope this one is a bit more helpful! And, as a warning, my spacebar is being uncooperative, so I'll miss alot of spaces. Like, right there. :evil:

The person must till be around.


I normally hate to collect every little typo, but this has so few that I couldn'thelp but point it out. Forgot an 's'. :wink:

Also, here:

Claire looked around. There wasn’t anybody to speak of near by. People around here usually left tables with coats on them alone. Especially during Mid-Terms. And if they [I]did use part of it, they certainly wouldn’t leave a book there unattended and unopened. She glanced at the title out of curiosity.


Your italics got a bit funkyhere. :P Silly bbcode, I know. Might want to fix this.

:arrow: Clair -vs- Claire

Good choice, addingthe 'e'. It's something so trivial, of course, but to the reader whose eyes are seeing the name twenty times in a piece, it makes a difference that the name doesn't look misspelled or off-balance. I know plenty ofgirls named Clair, though, so I know you didn't just make up this spelling. :wink:

:arrow: Comparing

Zoinkers, Rosey, what an improvement! This revision is a thousand times better than the first write. :wink: I felt more like I could relate to the situation, especially with Claire. It does seem as if you took my advice about her reactions, and it made such a difference in the believability level of this. In the beginning, the touch about the smell of old books was a nice way to help set the scene a bit more. Also, the way you tied in Thursday for the beginning and the end made a difference.

However, do most teenagers enjoy spending their nights playing board games with the family? Just something to keep in mind, that generally family fun night would be considered pretty lame. At least, from everything I've heard about teenagers. I wouldn't know firsthand, of course. :P

:arrow: Conflict

So, I'll be honest with you, Rosey dear. This just isn't my kind of piece. Not because it wasn't written well, and nothing to do with the way you excecuted it-- more to do with the style and genre itself. I like the deep stories, with the riveting characters and the plot oozing with conflict. That's the main thing here, I think. This story, this idea, just doesn't involve much conflict.

That said, I do not meanfor you to go in there and try to add conflict. Because, as I said, this type of story just doesn't need anything deep, riveting, or heartwrenching. It's a well-writen, cute little idea for a cute little contest. Nothing wrong with that. It's just not my cup of tea.

I hope I'm getting this across without seeming heartless, because I really do think this is great for this style of story. It's just not the kind of story that I could read a novel of. And, as I'm sure you know, it's not the kind of story that a novel could be written outof.

If that makes any sense whatsoever, which I'm getting the feeling it doesn't. :?

:arrow: So, what should you do?

I'm not sure what to tell you that won't be asking for you to rewrite the entire story. Injecting description is always good, although I understand that a library scene can only be described in so much detail. Besides that...

Aha! I've got it! :lol: Something productive to say! I didn't really get the whole thing with her comparing the paper with the note/call-number to the library paper. What did that have to do with anything? And why did that weird her out, that he was using library paper? I just didn't follow that bit.

:arrow: Okay, so I'm going to scurry away now that I've given you such a confusing review. :oops: Forgive me. Again. I guess I'm just not good at critiquing this style of story-- simple, direct, with little conflict and little plot. Sorry, but this was fun to read, and a great improvement on the first draft!

~Evi
"Let's eat, Grandma!" as opposed to "Let's eat Grandma!": punctuation saves lives.




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Edited the spelling/tags mistake out.

Thank you everybody!
A writer is a world trapped in a person— Victor Hugo

Ink is blood. Paper is bandages. The wounded press books to their heart to know they're not alone.




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Hey, Rosey! Here as requested!

First of all, this is much improved! Only a few nit-picks left:

Making her way to the art section, Claire still had to weave around a few stray teenagers. She didn’t recognize any of them though. But, she never really hung around the artists.


Two things here:

--First of all, describe the teenagers she sees more. There isn't anything in this group of sentences that leads me to believe they are artists other than the fact that they are in the art section. What do they look like? What are they wearing?

--The last two sentences seem kind of awkward together. When you read it out-loud, it just doesn't flow well. I would re-write it as:
"However, she didn't recognize any of them. Of course, she never hung around the artists."

or the total geeks who never studied


Hmm, I don't think Claire should be making fun of "geeks" considering she hangs out at the library on the weekends.

So those were all the nitpicks!

For you overall, the only thin I would change is make Daniel less stalker-ish. Claire sounds less than enthusiastic when she meets Daniel. It makes their dialogue seem very awkward and forced.

Hope this helped,
Sakura
Odi et amo. quare id faciam, fortasse requiris?
nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior.
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Thank you Sakura!

I was wondering if anybody would catch the stalker-ish thing. Hrm. I shall have to fix that.

And the dialogue is my attempt at slightly strained conversation. More skills to polish. ^_^

Thanks for the review! I shall continue to work on this.
A writer is a world trapped in a person— Victor Hugo

Ink is blood. Paper is bandages. The wounded press books to their heart to know they're not alone.




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Of you were trying to make the conversation seem strained, it worked, but I wouldn't necessarily use it for a romance story. It makes every thing seems very awkward -- not just for Claire, but for the readers as well!

My only problem with it was that Claire seems really freaked out by Daniel at first, so when she acts nice to him, it seems as though she is only pitying him. I felt like she didn't like him, but was being nice to him because she felt sorry for him. Therefor, I couldn't really believe this:

Claire smiled and rested her chin on her hand. Maybe coming to the library on Thursday wasn’t so bad after all.


Heh, I felt the need to elaborate on my sparse review. :wink:
Odi et amo. quare id faciam, fortasse requiris?
nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior.
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Oh, okay. I'm beginning to see your point. I'll have to work on that shift a bit more.

Thank you very much!
A writer is a world trapped in a person— Victor Hugo

Ink is blood. Paper is bandages. The wounded press books to their heart to know they're not alone.




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Hi. :)

I loved reading this! :D Is it part of a story? :)
When the drums come in
And the keys get louder
Now we're building a collision of noise

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Hey =]

I really enjoyed reading this! It was nice to read something of yours :D

I couldn't find any mistakes that haven't already been pointed out/sorted, so I'm just reviewing to tell you that this was really well written and an original idea. I loved how she caught him placing the note in the last book :)

Anyway, this review isn't exactly constructive but I thought you needed the praise anyway!

Good luck in the contest :D

xDudettex
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Edited!

And, no, this isn't part of a story. It's a one-shot thing.

Thanks for the comments!
A writer is a world trapped in a person— Victor Hugo

Ink is blood. Paper is bandages. The wounded press books to their heart to know they're not alone.



Don't let fear keep you from some amazing opportunities.
— WeepingWisteria