hey there...
your poem looks good. it's just that when i read it, the puntuation marks, the commas, the semicolon seems to disturb the flow of reading it. you intended for it to be like an endless cycle right? (i think i read that somewhere here). perhaps you could minimize that kind of stuff.
some people commented that last line where you end with "......" that seems okay if that's the kind of intention you would want to put/convey in your poem
