Song of the Wind

Listen to the whispers
that dance across your face;
feel them breeze past you
as they continue on their race.

Invisible yet powerful,
weightless but still strong;
Listen to the melody,
the wind's faithful song.

This was short, and sweet. The length of this poem was a small issue though. This could be expanded a little bit, but it would feel like it would drag on a bit. So, I'm kind of stuck on the matter. But oh well, on to the poem's contents.

Listen to the whispers

that dance across your face;

watch them breeze past you

as they continue on their race.

The semi-colon was a bit strangely placed to me. A period would also work there. And a minor issue with flow: The first two lines were six syllables, the third was five, and the last was eight. Sorry if this seems kind of clinical, but it doesn't seem right. Maybe moving 'as' to the third line would work.

Invisible yet powerful,

weightless but still strong;

I am the melody,

the wind's faithful song.

The third line seemed a tad short to me. The flow is good, and images immediately spring to mind, but the flow was off.

Overall, I loved this one. The flow could use a bit of work, but otherwise, perfect. Good work!

Wow, I loved it! Especially the first two lines. The picture of wind "dancing across your face was a beautiful picture! But I didn't get the "I am the melody" part. Maybe you could accentuate on that a little? Either way, it was really good and gave a good image. Oh, good rythym, too. Good job!!!

Vet

AWw. This was so sweet. I loved it.

Listen to the whispers
that dance across your face;
watch them breeze past you
as they continue on their race.

Invisible yet powerful,
weightless but still strong;
Listen to the melody,
the wind's faithful song.

Listen to the whispers
that dance across your face.
watch them breeze past you
as they continue on their race.

Invisible yet powerful,
weightless but still strong;
Listen to the melody,
the wind's faithful song.

I bolded watch and faithful, just because it seems to break the emotion of the rest of the poem.

This is only a suggestion, but maybe:

Listen to the whispers
that dance across your face.
feel them breeze past you
as they continue on their race.

Invisible yet powerful,
weightless but still strong.
Listen to the melody,
the wind's sensuous song.

Eh. It sounds just fine your way, but that was m little two-cents. :d

Good work!

Chao,

Myrcei

i absolutely love it. i think it flows great. i would love to read more of your stuff. its fantastic. i have one thing to say: i think it could be better if you wrote a couple more verses.

I loved it but something about it screamed 'sorrow!' to me. I don't know if that was your intention but it was rather sad to me. I loved it. Keep up the good work.
Oh, I'm Rena by the way. I'm new. You're the first person I've critiqued and I'm not really sure how to do this but your poem was good. Nothing bad ot say about it at all.

I really loved it , excellent imagery and personification it really gives me a sense of peace and calm. It also has excellent flow and I just love to say it I read it aloud two or three times, well done!