-Inconcessus- Eight

Okay, for this chapter, I introduce a new idea. I'm not sure if I still want to keep that idea in the book but I guess I'll wait to see what you guys think.

Happy Reading

_______________________

CHAPTER EIGHT

My already frigid blood seemed to grow colder. Not found him yet? What the hell have they been doing throughout this whole time? My first instinct was to yell at Dover, to ask why in the world hadn’t he found his twin brother yet.
But then I saw the look on his face, the expression of full defeat and anxiety. He was just as concerned about Nate as I was. Taking a deep breath, I held it for a minute or two, concentrating on when I exhale to release all my frustration just as Philip had taught me, and it actually seemed to work… sort of.
“Dover, I just don’t understand. I thought you said that you were sure that he hadn’t harmed any one or himself.”
“He hasn’t. We confronted him. He wasn’t that hard to find, to tell you the truth. But for some reason, he hasn’t turned back to his normal self. Normally when vampires let that animalistic side take over, it only lasts, at the maximum, maybe a few hours, depending how thirsty or angry the particular person is. But Nate… it just doesn’t make sense.” Dover ran a hand through his hair, which I noticed was out of its usually neat pony and hanging around his shoulders. “He was totally out of his right mind, crazy. He even tried to attack me! Me, of all people! And then he just took off and we lost him after a few miles.” Dover shook his head, beyond befuddled.
I sighed, grasping Dover’s shoulder with my hand not soiled with my own blood. “He’ll turn up, Dover. Trust me. I did.”
Dover met my gaze then and I saw the questions hanging there, just out of sight. “When it happened to you… how soon did you snap out of it?”
“It’s still pretty fuzzy to me. I don’t remember much. But once that side takes over, you let that ancient way of hunting take over. I’m really shocked that Nate hasn’t snapped out of it. It happened over five hours ago, at least, right?” I asked, gazing at the sky again.
“Six, actually. And I’m sorry we didn’t come for you earlier. It was just, we were so worried about Nate and him hurting the humans and if I would have known you were hurt, I would have made them—“
I held up my hand to stop the flow of babble coming from his mouth and smiled. “I know. Now let’s get inside and see what we can do to help find Nate.” Guiding him back into the house, I instantly smelled the scent of fear in the air. It was saturated with it, like the humidity on a summer day—completely consuming every other scent in the air and driving them out. I wrinkled my nose in distaste and stepped over the threshold into the kitchen.
Many vampires, I could hear, where in their separate dormitories, forced out—no doubt—by Philip and Walter. They, along with Anita and another vampire I didn’t recognize—a tall African man clothed in tradition robes and a necklace of beads around his neck—were seated at the round table, heads pulled together as they conversed in quiet, almost silent tones.
At our entrance, all their heads rose in unison and Philip stood at the sight of me. “Sophia, my god!” He rushed over while Anita helped Dover into a seat. Pushing back a fringe of my hair, he assessed the damage. Clicking his tongue against his bottom teeth, he looked to Walter. “She’ll need to be looked at by Cassandra. Should I take her?”
Walter nodded, his eyes locked on Dover’s form. I could just guess what was going through his mind: why, oh why, did I let this troubled coven into my home?
Philip led me up the staircase but stopped at the first floor, heading to the right. Just before the end of the hallway, he knocked on the second door to the last and waiting only a moment before the door swung open.
A female that looked around the age of twenty when she was changed answered the door. She had short, cropped hair that hung in jagged wings around her head, electric blue in color. “Cassandra, Sophia needs your attendance. I have to get back downstairs.” Turning towards me, Philip eyed me with that authority-stare that he used whenever he desired our full attention. “Stay here, let Cassandra take care of you. I’ll be in the kitchen if you need anything, anything at all.” I nodded, swallowing hard. The situation seemed even more serious now that I had seen Philip’s eyes, wide with apprehension.
Once he left, the blue-haired female guided me inside and shut the door. I had expected to see a room similar to the one I now shared with Elena, but instead, there was a leather couch on one side with a mahogany table attached to the opposite wall running the whole length of it. On it were many tools and contraptions that made me wince.
It was obvious that Cassandra was the coven doctor.
“Here, take a seat,” she offered, pointing at the leather couch. I took a seat, immediately tense. It was hard, almost impossible, some say to heal a vampire. Only the extremely gifted became Healers. Because of our tremendously tough skin and unbreakable bone, we never really had a use for doctors. However, as the centuries passed, our skin weakened, our bones became fragile, and vampires across the world were in desperate need of surgeons.
Thus, a new breed was born.
“Now, let me get a look at that cut of yours.” Cassandra had a high voice, one that grated on your ears if you weren’t used to hearing it. She also had very unusual eyes—they were the color of mocha, yet transformed from that to a honey, to a yellow, and then back to a mocha in a matter of seconds.
Cassandra must have noticed my expression for she chuckled. “Don’t worry, my eyes do that all the time. They say it’s because of my gift for healing, my eyes were given a special affinity. They don’t change with my moods.”
My eyebrows almost disappeared into my hairline at this. I had never met a gifted vampire before. They were said to be very rare. Most vampires live their entire lives without ever meeting a vampire with special affinities. I felt honored to meet one.
“I have never met a gifted vampire,” I confessed as she peered closer at my wound.
She chuckled again—she had a nice, soothing laugh that immediately put me at ease. “Well, you came to the right place to meet one.”
Frowning, I met her gaze, her eyes now a bright yellow but slowly darkening as I continued to stare. “What do you mean? Does that mean you have more vampires with gifts?”
She smiled, as if she knew a secret, and took a step back to inspect a few of her tools. “I hear you room with Elena,” she said, surprising me—it wasn’t the response I had been waiting for.
“Umm, yes, I do,” I replied as she turned back around, holding a needle that looked to be made of gold and thread that appeared almost an inch thick. When she held the needle close to my head, I leaned away, feeling perturbed again.
She smiled, kindly this time. “Don’t worry. You still have the skin of your ancestors. That’s why I have to use these tools. It won’t hurt, I swear to you.”
I nodded and squeezed my eyes shut as she pushed the needle through my skin. I expected a shot of pain but it never came.
“See, told you,” Cassandra said, sewing my skin closed with nimble fingers.
“Why do you have to use gold?”
“Because it is the only thing that can penetrate a vampire’s skin when it is fully healthy. I’m guessing you are only a few years old?”
“Forty, actually.”
She stopped sewing to stare at me. “Really? That surprises me. Normally by that age, a vampire’s skin begins to weaken.”
I shrugged not sure how to answer to that. Then I thought of her comment about Elena and opened my mouth to speak. “So… I’m guessing Elena is gifted as well?”
Cassandra’s now-mocha eyes sparkled. “What makes you say that?”
“Well, I noticed that when she’s inside, she looks… different somehow, but outside, she changes.”
Cassandra’s eyes sparkled even more. “Very observant of you. Yes, Cassandra is one of the gifted. To tell you the truth, every member of our coven is gifted in some way.”
My eyes widened. “That’s amazing. What gift does Elena have?”
“She has a gift for nature. Not anything supernatural, like she can control the weather or anything but she can feel when a storm comes or when the seasons change. It’s kind of like a sixth sense, or so she says. And, as you noticed, when she is outside, her gift is manifested and she becomes like one of the Blessed.”
“Interesting… I’ve never heard of vampires having gifts like that.”
“You wouldn’t. We try to keep it a secret. Otherwise, the Exiles would come for us.”
At the word ‘Exiles’, a chill electrocuted my spine, making me jump. Luckily, Cassandra was done sewing my face when this happened. “The Exiles are the vampires who believe the humans should be wiped out, isn’t it?” I asked softly, remembering how the Wars had been started.
The Exiles had been a group of vampires who believed that the human race was a poison that polluted our earth. They began to destroy human towns so the other vampire coven’s had to step in and fight them. And so the Wars began.
After the Wars ended, the remaining Exiles went into hiding and I hadn’t heard their name spoken in years.
“Correct. They are the vampires who are constantly in their primitive state.”
“But how is that possible? I mean, isn’t their some alarm system inside each of us that stops it before it gets too out of control?”
“Supposedly there is.” Cassandra paused to wash her golden needle in the sink built into the table before speaking again. “But somehow, the Exiles have found a way to push past that gene and they can now control their primitive side at will.”
How dangerous, I thought, another chill making the hairs on the back of my neck to stand on end. Then I thought of Nate and my eyes shot upwards to meet Cassandra’s again. It was obvious she guessed where my thoughts had led me for she took a seat beside me and patted my knee soothingly.
“Nate has somehow broke through that prevention gene. But we’ll find him. I have faith in Walter and Anita. They haven’t let us down yet, and I they wouldn’t let you down either.” Cassandra made it sound so easy, as if having faith in another being was as easy as breathing or feeding.
But it wasn’t. Faith was putting all your hope into one person. It was suicide to me. It was just asking for disaster. However, the faith in Cassandra’s ever-changing eyes made me think that maybe I could put a little reliance in Walter and Anita’s abilities.
They just had to find Nate before it was too late, before he lost complete control of his thread of humanity.
Before he turned into an Exile.

Ooh, this is good! I'm excited to read about this new idea you introduce.

ashleylee wrote:My already frigid blood seemed to grow colder. Not found him yet? What the hell have they been doing [s]throughout[/s] this whole time? My first instinct was to yell at Dover, to ask why in the world hadn’t he found his twin brother yet. I was angry and frustrated, not to mention bone-weary and shaken, so my emotions were muddled.
But then I saw the look on his face, the expression of full defeat and anxiety. He was [s]just[/s] as concerned about Nate as I was. [s]Taking a deep breath,[/s] I took a deep breath and [s]I[/s] held it for a minute or two, concentrating on when I exhale to release all my frustration just as Philip had taught me, and it actually seemed to work… sort of.
“Dover, I [s]just[/s] don’t understand. I thought you said that you were sure that he hadn’t harmed any one or himself.”
“He hasn’t. We confronted him. He wasn’t that hard to find, to tell you the truth. But for some reason, he hasn’t turned back to his normal self. Normally when vampire[s]s[/s] get [s]let[/s] that animalistic [s]side take over[/s], it only lasts, at the maximum, maybe a few hours, depending how thirsty or angry the particular person is. But Nate… it just doesn’t make sense.” Dover ran a hand through his hair, which I noticed was out of its usually neat ponytail and hanging around his shoulders. “He was totally out of his right mind, crazy. He even tried to attack me! [s]Me, of all people![/s] And then he just took off and we lost him after a few miles.” Dover shook his head, beyond befuddled.
I sighed, grasping Dover’s shoulder with my hand not soiled with my own blood. “He’ll turn up, Dover. Trust me. I did.”
Dover met my gaze then and I saw the questions hanging there, just out of sight. “When it happened to you… how soon did you snap out of it?”
“It’s still pretty fuzzy to me. I don’t remember much. But once that side takes over, you let that ancient way of hunting take over. I’m really shocked that Nate hasn’t snapped out of it. It happened over five hours ago, at least, right?” I asked, gazing at the sky again.
“Six, actually. And I’m sorry we didn’t come for you earlier. It was just, we were so worried about Nate and him hurting the humans and if I would have known you were hurt, I would have made them—“
I held up my hand to stop the flow of babble coming from his mouth and smiled. “I know. Now let’s get inside and see what we can do to help find Nate.” Guiding him back into the house, I instantly smelled the scent of fear in the air. It was saturated with it, like the humidity on a summer day—completely consuming every other scent in the air and driving them out. I wrinkled my nose in distaste and stepped over the threshold into the kitchen.
Many vampires, I could hear, where in their separate dormitories, forced out—no doubt—by Philip and Walter. They, along with Anita and another vampire I didn’t recognize—a tall African man clothed in tradition robes and a necklace of beads around his neck—were seated at the round table, heads pulled together as they conversed in quiet, almost silent tones.
At our entrance, all their heads rose in unison and Philip stood at the sight of me. “Sophia, my God!” He rushed over while Anita helped Dover into a seat. Pushing back a fringe of my hair, he assessed the damage. Clicking his tongue against his bottom teeth, he looked to Walter. “She’ll need to be looked at by Cassandra. Should I take her?”
Walter nodded, his eyes locked on Dover’s form. I could just guess what was going through his mind: why, oh why, did I let this troubled coven into my home?
Philip led me up the staircase but stopped at the first floor, heading to the right. Just before the end of the hallway, he knocked on the second door to the last and waiting only a moment before the door swung open.
A female that looked around the age of twenty [s]when she was changed[/s] answered the door. She had short, cropped, electric blue hair that hung in jagged wings around her head. [s]electric blue in color.[/s] “Cassandra, Sophia[s]needs[/s] requires your [s]attendance[/s] attention. I have to get back downstairs.” Turning towards me, Philip eyed me with that authority-stare that he used whenever he desired our full attention. “Stay here, and let Cassandra take care of you. I’ll be in the kitchen if you need anything, anything at all.” I nodded, swallowing hard. The situation seemed even more serious now that I had seen Philip’s eyes, wide with apprehension.
Once he left, the blue-haired female guided me inside and shut the door. I had expected to see a room similar to the one I now shared with Elena, but instead, there was a leather couch on one side with a mahogany table attached to the opposite wall running the whole length of it. On it were many tools and contraptions that made me wince. (Try elaborating on this. What makes her wince? Here's my go.) Savagely shiny, curved scalpels, and cruelly long syringes, objects I did not like to dwell on.
It was obvious that Cassandra was the coven doctor.
“Here, take a seat,” she offered, pointing at the leather couch. I took a seat, immediately tense. It was hard, some say almost impossible,[s]some say[/s] to heal a vampire. Only the extremely gifted became Healers. Because of our tremendously tough skin and unbreakable bone, we never really had a use for doctors. However, as the centuries passed, our skin weakened, our bones became fragile, and vampires across the world were in desperate need of surgeons.
Thus, a new breed was born.
“Now, let me get a look at that cut of yours.” Cassandra had a high voice, one that grated on [s]your ears if you weren’t[/s] my ears, probably because I wasn't used to hearing it. She also had very unusual eyes—they were the color of mocha, [s]yet[/s] and then they transformed from that to a honey, to [s]a yellow[/s] saffron, and then back to a mocha in a matter of seconds.
Cassandra must have noticed my expression for she chuckled. “Don’t worry, my eyes do that all the time. They say it’s because of my gift for healing, my eyes were given a special affinity. They don’t change with my moods.”
My eyebrows almost disappeared into my hairline at this. I had never met a gifted vampire before. They were said to be very rare. Most vampires live their entire lives without ever meeting a vampire with special affinities. [s]I felt honored to meet one.[/s] (For some reason, this stuck out as corny to me. )
“I have never met a gifted vampire,” I confessed as she peered closer at my wound.
She chuckled again—she had a nice, soothing laugh that immediately put me at ease. “Well, you came to the right place to meet one.”
Frowning, I met her gaze, her eyes now a bright yellow but slowly darkening as I continued to stare. “What do you mean? Does that mean you have more vampires with gifts?”
She smiled, as if she knew a secret, and took a step back to inspect a few of her tools. “I hear you room with Elena,” she said, surprising me—it wasn’t the response I had been waiting for.
“[s]Umm, yes[/s] Yes, I do,” I replied as she turned back around, holding a needle that looked to be made of gold and thread that appeared almost an inch thick. When she held the needle close to my head, I leaned away, feeling perturbed again.
She smiled, kindly this time. “Don’t worry. You still have the skin of your ancestors. That’s why I have to use these tools. It won’t hurt, I swear to you.”
I nodded and squeezed my eyes shut as she pushed the needle through my skin. I expected a shot of pain but it never came.
“See, told you,” Cassandra said, sewing my skin closed with nimble fingers.
“Why do you have to use gold?”
“Because it is the only thing that can penetrate a vampire’s skin when it is fully healthy. I’m guessing you are only a few years old?” (That's interesting; gold is the softest metal out there. You could dent it with your teeth. This doesn't seem realistic to me - and I know that's weird when reviewing a vampire novel. )
“Forty, actually.”
She stopped sewing to stare at me. “Really? That surprises me. Normally by that age, a vampire’s skin begins to weaken.”
I shrugged not sure how to answer to that. Then I thought of her comment about Elena and opened my mouth to speak. “So… I’m guessing Elena is gifted as well?”
Cassandra’s now-mocha eyes sparkled. “What makes you say that?”
“Well, I noticed that when she’s inside, she looks… different somehow, but outside, she changes.”
Cassandra’s eyes sparkled even more. “Very observant of you. Yes, Cassandra is one of the gifted. To tell you the truth, every member of our coven is gifted in some way.”
My eyes widened. “That’s amazing! What gift does Elena have?”
“She has a gift for nature. Not anything supernatural, like she can control the weather or anything but she can feel when a storm comes or when the seasons change. It’s kind of like a sixth sense, or so she says. And, as you noticed, when she is outside, her gift is manifested and she becomes like one of the Blessed.” Very cool.
“Interesting… I’ve never heard of vampires having gifts like that.”
“You wouldn’t. We try to keep it a secret. Otherwise, the Exiles would come for us.”
At the word [s]‘Exiles’[/s] Exiles, (I did that because italics have a better effect than a single quote.) a chill electrocuted my spine, making me jump. Luckily, Cassandra was done sewing my face when this happened. “The Exiles are the vampires who believe the humans should be wiped out, isn’t it?” I asked softly, remembering how the Wars had been started.
The Exiles had been a group of vampires who believed that the human race was a poison that polluted our earth. They began to destroy human towns so the other vampire coven’s had to step in and fight them. And so the Wars began.
After the Wars ended, the remaining Exiles went into hiding and I hadn’t heard their name spoken in years.
“Correct. They are the vampires who are constantly in their primitive state.”
“But how is that possible? I mean, isn’t their some alarm system inside each of us that stops it before it gets too out of control?”
“Supposedly, there is.” Cassandra paused to wash her golden needle in the sink built into the table before speaking again. “But somehow, the Exiles have found a way to push past that gene and they can now control their primitive side at will.”
How dangerous, I thought, another chill making the hairs on the back of my neck to stand on end. Then I thought of Nate and my eyes shot upwards to meet Cassandra’s again. It was obvious she guessed where my thoughts had led me for she took a seat beside me and patted my knee soothingly.
“Nate has somehow broke through that prevention gene. But we’ll find him. I have faith in Walter and Anita. They haven’t let us down yet, and I they wouldn’t let you down either.” Cassandra made it sound so easy, as if having faith in another being was as easy as breathing [s]or feeding[/s].
But it wasn’t. Faith was putting all your hope into one person, against all odds. It was suicide to me. It was just asking for disaster. However, the faith in Cassandra’s ever-changing eyes made me think that maybe I could put a little reliance in Walter and Anita’s abilities.
They just had to find Nate before it was too late, before he lost complete control of his thread of humanity.
Before he turned into an Exile.

OVERALL: I love your writing. Your descriptions were good, and also your dialogue. I just changed a few of Philip's words, because to me he seems like a wise, authoritative figure, one very eloquent and intelligent.

My only problem is this: when you introduce Exiles, you put it like Sophia already knew about them. This doesn't let her connect with the reader. I would suggest changing it so she didn't know what they were, so Cassandra had to explain it to her. That way, both Sophia and the reader are learning at the same time. So that dialogue introducing Exiles:

“Interesting… I’ve never heard of vampires having gifts like that.”
“You wouldn’t. We try to keep it a secret. Otherwise, the Exiles would come for us.”
At the word Exiles, a chill electrocuted my spine, making me jump. The term was unfamiliar, but it held some serious danger that I felt immediately.
"Exiles? I don't understand."

etc, etc, etc.

I just think it would be better that way.

But I really enjoyed this. As always, PM me for the next one.

~Sunny

Hey Ash!


Well, it looks like Sunny already nit-picked everything. This was written really well and I like the twist and the originality to this chapter. Though it wasn't eventful, it was still good. I can't wait to hear more about Isaac though and I hope he comes in soon.

Keep writing,

~Angel

Hi, ash . Sorry I've taken so long to get to reading this, but I'm taking a short break from greeting, waiting *hopefully* for new members to join. Anyway, enough about me, and more about this great new installment!! I haven't read any of the other reviews, so I'm sorry if I repeat anything. I hope this helps... (:

ashleylee wrote:Okay, for this chapter, I introduce a new idea [Oooh, I can't wait to find out what it is!! (: ]. I'm not sure if I still want to keep that idea in the book but I guess I'll wait to see what you guys think.

Happy Reading

_______________________

CHAPTER EIGHT

My already frigid blood seemed to grow colder. Not found him yet? What the hell have they been doing throughout this whole time? My first instinct was to yell at Dover, to ask why in the world hadn’t he found his twin brother yet.
But then I saw the look on his face, the expression of full defeat and anxiety. He was just as concerned about Nate as I was. Taking a deep breath, I held it for a minute or two, concentrating on when I exhale to release all my frustration just as Philip had taught me, and it actually seemed to work… sort of [this sentence is a bit of a run-on, and slightly difficult to read. Read over it and maybe cut it into two?].
“Dover, I just don’t understand. I thought you said that you were sure that he hadn’t harmed any[no gap needed: all one word]one or himself.”
“He hasn’t. We confronted him. He wasn’t that hard to find, to tell you the truth. But for some reason, he hasn’t turned back to his normal self. Normally when vampires let that animalistic side take over, it only lasts, at the maximum, maybe a few hours, depending how thirsty or angry the particular person is. But Nate… it just doesn’t make sense.” Dover ran a hand through his hair, which I noticed was out of its usually neat pony and hanging around his shoulders. “He was totally out of his [s]right[/s] mind, crazy. He even tried to attack me! Me, of all people! And then he just took off and we lost him after a few miles.” Dover shook his head, beyond befuddled.
I sighed, grasping Dover’s shoulder with [s]my[/s] the hand not soiled with my own blood. “He’ll turn up, Dover. Trust me. I did.”
Dover met my gaze then and I saw the questions hanging there, just out of sight. “When it happened to you… how soon did you snap out of it?”
“It’s still pretty fuzzy to me. I don’t remember much. But once that side takes over, you let that ancient way of hunting take over. I’m really shocked that Nate hasn’t snapped out of it. It happened over five hours ago, at least, right?” I asked, gazing at the sky again.
“Six, actually. And I’m sorry we didn’t come for you earlier. It was just, we were so worried about Nate and him hurting the humans and if I would have known you were hurt, I would have made them—“
I held up my hand to stop the flow of babble coming from his mouth and smiled. “I know. Now let’s get inside and see what we can do to help find Nate.” Guiding him back into the house, I instantly smelled the scent of fear in the air. It was saturated with it, like the humidity on a summer day—completely consuming every other scent in the air and driving them out. I wrinkled my nose in distaste and stepped over the threshold into the kitchen.
Many vampires, I could hear, w[s]h[/s]ere in their separate dormitories, forced out—no doubt—by Philip and Walter. They, along with Anita and another vampire I didn’t recognize—a tall African man clothed in traditional robes and a necklace of beads around his neck—were seated at the round table, heads pulled together as they conversed in quiet, almost silent tones.
At our entrance, all their heads rose in unison and Philip stood at the sight of me. “Sophia, my god!” He rushed over while Anita helped Dover into a seat. Pushing back a fringe of my hair, he assessed the damage. Clicking his tongue against his bottom teeth, he looked to Walter. “She’ll need to be looked at by Cassandra. Should I take her?”
Walter nodded, his eyes locked on Dover’s form. I could just guess what was going through his mind: why, oh why, did I let this troubled coven into my home [do you think this maybe needs to be in italics - I know it's not a direct thought of your MC, but I don't know... it's like it needs to be. What do you think?]?
Philip led me up the staircase but stopped at the first floor, heading to the right. Just before the end of the hallway, he knocked on the second door to the last and [s]waiting[/s] had to wait only a moment before the door swung open.
A female that looked around the age of twenty when she was changed [I think this information is slightly unnecessary, as at first it took me a while to get what was meant by it - I thought at first you were referring to the changing of clothes hehe. It's up to, but I think it's not needed (: ] answered the door. She had short, cropped hair that hung in jagged wings around her head, and electric blue in color. “Cassandra, Sophia needs your attendance. I have to get back downstairs.” Turning towards me, Philip eyed me with that authority-stare that he used whenever he desired our full attention. “Stay here, let Cassandra take care of you. I’ll be in the kitchen if you need anything, anything at all.” I nodded, swallowing hard. The situation seemed even more serious now that I had seen Philip’s eyes, wide with apprehension.
Once he left, the blue-haired female guided me inside and shut the door. I had expected to see a room similar to the one I now shared with Elena, but instead, there was a leather couch on one side with a mahogany table attached to the opposite wall running the whole length of it. On it were many tools and contraptions that made me wince [why? Expand slightly on this].
It was obvious that Cassandra was the coven doctor.
“Here, take a seat,” she offered, pointing at the leather couch. I took a seat, immediately tense. It was hard, almost impossible, some say to heal a vampire. Only the extremely gifted became Healers. Because of our tremendously tough skin and unbreakable bone, we never really had a use for doctors. However, as the centuries passed, our skin weakened, our bones became fragile, and vampires across the world were in desperate need of surgeons.
Thus, a new breed was born.
“Now, let me get a look at that cut of yours.” Cassandra had a high voice, one that grated on your ears if you weren’t used to hearing it. She also had very unusual eyes—they were the color of mocha, yet transformed from that to a honey, to a yellow, and then back to a mocha in a matter of seconds.
Cassandra must have noticed my expression for she chuckled. “Don’t worry, my eyes do that all the time. They say it’s because of my gift for healing, my eyes were given a special affinity. They don’t change with my moods.”
My eyebrows almost disappeared into my hairline at this. I had never met a gifted vampire before. They were said to be very rare. Most vampires live their entire lives without ever meeting a vampire with special affinities. I felt honored to meet one.
“I have never met a gifted vampire,” I confessed as she peered closer at my wound.
She chuckled again—she had a nice, soothing laugh that immediately put me at ease. “Well, you came to the right place to meet one.”
Frowning, I met her gaze, her eyes now a bright yellow but slowly darkening as I continued to stare. “What do you mean? Does that mean you have more vampires here with gifts?”
She smiled, as if she knew a secret, and took a step back to inspect a few of her tools. “I hear you room with Elena,” she said, surprising me—it wasn’t the response I had been waiting for.
“Umm, yes, I do,” I replied as she turned back around, holding a needle that looked to be made of gold[comma] and thread that appeared almost an inch thick. When she held the needle close to my head, I leaned away, feeling perturbed again.
She smiled, kindly this time. “Don’t worry. You still have the skin of your ancestors. That’s why I have to use these tools. It won’t hurt, I swear to you.”
I nodded and squeezed my eyes shut as she pushed the needle through my skin. I expected a shot of pain but it never came.
“See, told you,” Cassandra said, sewing my skin closed with nimble fingers.
“Why do you have to use gold?”
“Because it is the only thing that can penetrate a vampire’s skin when it is fully healthy. I’m guessing you are only a few years old?”
“Forty, actually.”
She stopped sewing to stare at me. “Really? That surprises me. Normally by that age, a vampire’s skin begins to weaken.”
I shrugged not sure how to answer to that. Then I thought of her comment about Elena and opened my mouth to speak. “So… I’m guessing Elena is gifted as well?”
Cassandra’s now-mocha eyes sparkled. “What makes you say that?”
“Well, I noticed that when she’s inside, she looks… different somehow, but outside, she changes.”
Cassandra’s eyes sparkled even more. “Very observant of you. Yes, [s]Cassandra[/s] Elena is one of the gifted. To tell you the truth, every member of our coven is gifted in some way.”
My eyes widened. “That’s amazing. What gift does Elena have?”
“She has a gift for nature. Not anything supernatural, like she can control the weather or anything but she can feel when a storm comes or when the seasons change. It’s kind of like a sixth sense, or so she says. And, as you noticed, when she is outside, her gift is manifested and she becomes like one of the Blessed.”
“Interesting… I’ve never heard of vampires having gifts like that.”
“You wouldn’t. We try to keep it a secret. Otherwise, the Exiles would come for us.”
At the word ‘Exiles’, a chill electrocuted my spine, making me jump. Luckily, Cassandra was done sewing my face when this happened. “The Exiles are the vampires who believe the humans should be wiped out, [s]isn’t it[/s] aren't they?” I asked softly, remembering how the Wars had been started.
The Exiles had been a group of vampires who believed that the human race was a poison that polluted our earth. They began to destroy human towns so the other vampire coven’s[move apostrophe to here, as it's both plural and possessive: covens' (: ] had to step in and fight them. And so the Wars began.
After the Wars ended, the remaining Exiles went into hiding and I hadn’t heard their name spoken in years.
“Correct. They are the vampires who are constantly in their primitive state.”[As speech is being reintroduced after Sophia's thoughts, you need to say who says this. I know it is Cassandra, but it's just to make extra sure. Also, make some reference as to what a 'primitive state' is, (:]
“But how is that possible? I mean, isn’t [s]their[/s] there some alarm system inside each of us that stops it before it gets too out of control?”
“Supposedly there is.” Cassandra paused to wash her golden needle in the sink built into the table before speaking again. “But somehow, the Exiles have found a way to push past that gene and they can now control their primitive side at will.”
How dangerous, I thought, another chill making the hairs on the back of my neck to stand on end. Then I thought of Nate and my eyes shot upwards to meet Cassandra’s again. It was obvious she guessed where my thoughts had led me for she took a seat beside me and patted my knee soothingly.
“Nate has somehow broke through that prevention gene. But we’ll find him. I have faith in Walter and Anita. They haven’t let us down yet, and I they [I think you've missed a word out here, or something...] wouldn’t let you down either.” Cassandra made it sound so easy, as if having faith in another being was as easy as breathing or feeding.
But it wasn’t. Faith was putting all your hope into one person. It was suicide to me. It was just asking for disaster. However, the faith in Cassandra’s ever-changing eyes made me think that maybe I could put a little reliance in Walter and Anita’s abilities.
[I don't think this needs to be a NP >>]They just had to find Nate before it was too late, before he lost complete control of his thread of humanity.
Before he turned into an Exile. [Wow. Excellent ending ]

Overall Views
So, is Nate turning into an Exile your new idea? If so, keep it, keep it, keep it!! I think it's a great idea, and just adds more to the overall story, instantly making it exciting, which is great!!
This was another great chapter, ash, and I really can't think of any areas of improvement. I really hope you do continue in this direction, it must be fun to write??

I hope this helped you out, and PM me if you have any questions etc
--Lucyy xx

Hey Ash,

How is it going? I am here to review again.

I must say, this chapter was very informational about you vampire. I love how you made your vampire different as the age. So i take it, Sophia isn't one of the gifted ones. That's too bad. I think it would have some more fair to her personality or something like that.

I like it when you went into detail about the 'weaker' vampires and the 'gifted' ones.

I am looking forward to the next chapter.

See ya around

bri aka Night Mistress.

Is it just me, or are your chapters becomeing shorter and shorter?
One part, when Sophia is talking to Cassandra, you say yes, cassandra...but i think you meant Elena. One little mistake. haha.
Well, off i go to read more.

where is michael? Carmen? Nora? Did they just fall of the side of the earth for six hours?

[spoiler]
Red = My corrections.
Purple = My Suggestions.
[s]Strikethrough[/s] = Omit
Many vampires, I could hear, w[s]h[/s]ere in their separate dormitories, forced out—no doubt—by Philip and Walter. They, along with Anita and another vampire I didn’t recognize—a tall African man clothed in tradition robes and a necklace of beads around his neck—were seated at the round table, heads pulled together as they conversed in quiet, almost silent tones.
At our entrance, all their heads rose in unison and Philip stood at the sight of me. “Sophia, my God!” He rushed over while Anita helped Dover into a seat. Pushing back a fringe of my hair, he assessed the damage. Clicking his tongue against his bottom teeth, he looked to Walter. “She’ll need to be looked at by Cassandra. Should I take her?”
Philip led me up the staircase, but stopped at the first floor, heading to the right. Just before the end of the hallway, he knocked on the second door to the last and waited only a moment before the door swung open.
Frowning, I met her gaze, her eyes now a bright yellow, but slowly darkening as I continued to stare. “What do you mean? Does that mean you have more vampires with gifts?”
I nodded and squeezed my eyes shut as she pushed the needle through my skin. I expected a shot of pain, but it never came.
My eyes widened. “That’s amazing. What gift does Elena have?”
“She has a gift for nature. Not anything supernatural, like she can control the weather or anything, but she can feel when a storm comes or when the seasons change. It’s kind of like a sixth sense, or so she says. And, as you noticed, when she is outside, her gift is manifested and she becomes like one of the Blessed.”
At the word ‘Exiles’, a chill electrocuted my spine, making me jump. Luckily, Cassandra was done sewing my face when this happened. “The Exiles are the vampires who believe the humans should be wiped out, aren’t they?” I asked softly, remembering how the Wars had been started.
“Nate has somehow broken through that prevention gene. But we’ll find him. I have faith in Walter and Anita. They haven’t let us down yet, and I they wouldn’t let you down either.” Cassandra made it sound so easy, as if having faith in another being was as easy as breathing or feeding. [/spoiler]

Huh, I like Cassandra... kinda has that motherly aura about her.
I'm also curious about why her skin hasn't begun to age yet... could it mean she's gifted somehow? haha
Oh... and thread an inch thick? Have you actually pictured that? I guess it's just her paraonia speaking, but that's impossibly thick if you ask me... maybe substitute for centimeter or something?
And I also wonder... what's happened to Carmen recently? And when will we see Isaac againn??

»Sam.

I'm not going to make anymore comments. I'm just going to get right down to the reviewing from now on. Promise.

Not found him yet?

They haven't found him yet?

Guiding him back into the house, I instantly smelled the scent of fear in the air.

How could she guide him back into the house if they haven't been in it yet?

I could just guess what was going through his mind: why, oh why, did I let this troubled coven into my home?

I could just guess what was going through his mind: why, oh why, did I let this troubled coven into my home?

Yes, Cassandra is one of the gifted.

That was Cassandra talking, so unless she's talking in the third person about herself, I think she was talking about Elena.

They haven’t let us down yet, and I they wouldn’t let you down either.”

I think you either meant to leave the I out or you meant to say "I don't think they would........"