Snow white and the seven dwarfs

Snow white and the seven dwarfs. The unauthorized true story

I, “Mirror” have decided that it was time to reveal the true story of Snow White and the seven dwarfs. After all I see everything and everyone. It’s time that justice prevailed.

Once upon a time, there lived two powerful queens. The most beautiful queen wanted a daughter and the other wanted nothing more than an heir to the throne and a daughter-in-law. The first queen got a beautiful daughter that she named Snow White and the other got…well a boy. He would grow up to be Prince Charming. Snow White’s mom died shortly after the little girl was born and the king remarried a kind hearted but fashion forward woman. The new queen wore very gothic clothes but that didn’t reflect her kind soul. On the other side Prince Charming’s mom was an egomaniac and a perfectionist. When her son grew to be a shallow, unintelligent and not so good looking fellow; the queen realized that he would not be able to get married and took action immediately.

She decided to visit the seven dwarfs; she had heard they had a magical potion called “love”; it could make even the most unattractive human being, be irresistible. The potion could only work if it was shared through a kiss during a heroic action. She bribed, begged and pleaded but the dwarfs refused to give the potion. Unfortunately, one of the dwarfs had other plans in mind. The dwarf’s name was “Happy”; he proposed his help in exchange for the queen’s hand. Desperate, the queen accepted seeing no other option. The dwarf found out that there was a beautiful princess living near by and decided that she would be the future Mrs. Charming. He had to scheme a plan that would foul everyone and get him what he wanted. With the help of Queen Charming, he kidnapped Snow White’s step-mother. They figured that they would kidnap the step-mother and make her be the one that would temporarily kill Snow-White. Then the prince would come on his white horse and kiss the princess, it would activate the love potion that will be given to Charming just before the kiss.

After brainwashing the nice queen, they gave her everything that would be necessary for the temporary murder of Snow-White. They gave her a huntsman, a beautiful but poisonous comb, a poisonous necklace and finally a very deadly red apple. The now evil queen set out on a quest to get rid of Snow-White. She first sent out the huntsman thinking it would be the most effective way, but he failed in his mission. Snow-White managed to survive and ironically took refuge in the dwarf’s home.

“Happy” hadn’t plan this and therefore had to change strategy. He followed the saying “Keep your friends close but your enemies closer” and became close friends with Snow-White. He learned that she was very naïve. He then ordered the step-mother to visit her during the day and trick her into touching the poison in any way possible. Gullible as she was, Snow-White felt for the trick two times. Unfortunately for “Happy”, his brothers saved her just in time. Queen Charming grew impatient but “Happy” begged her for a second chance. Everything depended on the most deadly of all items: the apple.


The, temporarily, evil queen paid another visit to, the now suspicious, Snow-White. This time she was a little more resistant but again succumbed to the trap and felt to the ground in a loud thud. This time, the dwarfs couldn’t revive her. To pay respect, they put her in a glass coffin. Through the fake tears there was a triumphant smile on Happy’s mouth. Eventually the prince came along on his white horse and kissed her, therefore activating the potion. Snow-White was blinded by “love”; to her eyes all of his flaws were gone. To mostly everybody’s eyes they ended living happily ever after. The spell that was put on the step-mother broke shortly after. She never forgave herself and went missing a few days later. “Happy” ended up with Queen Charming, who was also blinded by “love”… He also later on sent the fake story of Snow-White to the Grimm Brothers.

If you’re reading this, “Happy” has probably taken me away for knowing too much. This is the true tragic account of love, betrayal and evil dwarfs. Remember cute lies can sometimes hide ugly truths.

This is so original.
I'm pretty bad at grammar ,so I'll just tell you what I think about it as a piece. it's really ,really original and amazingly interesting.
Haha ... I could never imagine something like that. You're really creative ,to think of it in so many different ways ,to figure out other characters ,to make evil characters look great and nice characters ,evil.
Most of all to be able to write it from the point of view of a mirror! WOW!
Great job! you've got talent!

Hello Anna! Welcome to YWS! I am Winter.

First of all, I noticed that you have not written any reviews. I would just like to let you know (or remind you, if you already know) that there is a 2:1 review to work ratio here on YWS. That means that you must review two other works before submitting one of your own, and you must write two reviews for every work that you post after. This way everyone gets reviews! Here is a link to all of the rules here on YWS:
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Now for your review!

Nitpicks:

Bold means correction
[s]Strikethrough[/s] means delete
* means see below

AnnaF13 wrote:Snow white and the seven dwarfs. The unauthorized true story

I, “Mirror” There is no need for quotation marks have decided that it was use "is" instead of "was" time to reveal the true story of Snow White and the seven dwarfs Seven dwarfs should be capitalized since they are part of the title. After all comma I see everything and everyone. It’s time that justice prevailed.

Once upon a time, there lived two powerful queens. The most beautiful queen wanted a daughter comma and the other wanted nothing more than an heir to the throne and a daughter-in-law. The first queen got a beautiful daughter [s]that[/s] whom she named Snow White period [s]and[/s] the other got…well comma a boy. He would grow up to be Prince Charming. Snow White’s mom died shortly after the little girl was born and the king remarried a kind hearted but fashion forward woman. The new queen wore very gothic clothes but that didn’t reflect her kind soul. [s]On the other side[/s] Conversely, Prince Charming’s mom was an egomaniac and a perfectionist. When her son grew to be a shallow, unintelligent comma and not-so-good- looking fellow; comma instead of a semicolon the queen realized that he would not be able to get married and took action immediately.



She decided to visit the seven dwarfs; she had heard they had a magical potion called “love”; period instead of a semicolon it could make even the most unattractive human being, take out comma [s]be[/s] irresistible. The potion could only work if it was shared through a kiss during a heroic action. She bribed, begged comma and pleaded comma but the dwarfs refused to give her the potion. Unfortunately, one of the dwarfs had other plans in mind. [s]The[/s] This dwarf’s name was “Happy” no need for quotation marks. take out this semicolon and make it a period. ; he proposed his help in exchange for the queen’s hand. Desperate, the queen accepted seeing no other option. The dwarf found out that there was a beautiful princess living near by nearby is one word and decided that she would be the future Mrs. Charming. He had to [s]scheme[/s] devise a plan that would foul everyone and get him what he wanted. With the help of Queen Charming, he kidnapped Snow White’s step-mother. They figured that they [s]would[/s] could kidnap the step-mother and make her [s]be the one that would[/s] temporarily kill* Snow-White. Then the prince would come on his white horse and kiss the princess, period instead of comma [s]it[/s] (New sentence)This would activate the love potion that [s]will[/s] would be given to Charming just before the kiss.

*Temporarily kill Snow White? If you are referring to the original Snow White fairy tale when Snow White is temporarily incapacitated, then you have used the wrong word. Snow White never dies. She is merely impaired, or incapacitated.

After brainwashing the nice queen, they gave her everything that would be necessary for the temporary [s]murder[/s] incapacitation of Snow-White. They gave her a huntsman, a beautiful but poisonous comb, a poisonous necklace and finally a very deadly red apple. The now evil queen set out on a quest to get rid of Snow-White. She first sent out the huntsman comma thinking it would be [s]the[/s] most effective period [s]way,[/s] but he failed in his mission. Snow-White managed to survive and ironically took refuge in the dwarf’s home.

“Happy” again, no need for quotations hadn’t plan this and [s]therefore[/s] had to change strategy. He followed the saying “Keep your friends close but your enemies closer” and became close friends with Snow-White. He learned that she was very naïve. He then ordered the step-mother to visit her during the day and trick her into touching the poison in any way possible. Gullible as she was, Snow-White [s]felt[/s] fell for the trick [s]two times[/s] twice. Unfortunately for “Happy” no quotes!, his brothers saved her just in time. Queen Charming grew impatient but “Happy” again, no quotes begged her for a second chance. Everything depended on the most deadly of all items: the apple.


The, temporarily, evil queen paid another visit to, the now suspicious, Snow-White take out all of the commas in this sentence. This time she was a little more resistant but again succumbed to the trap and [s]felt[/s] fell to the ground [s]in[/s] with a loud thud. This time, the dwarfs couldn’t revive her. To pay respect, they put her in a glass coffin. Through the fake tears there was a triumphant smile on Happy’s [s]mouth[/s] face. Eventually comma the prince came along on his white horse and kissed her, [s]therefore[/s] activating the potion. Snow-White was blinded by “love” no quotes!; to her eyes all of his flaws were gone. To mostly everybody’s eyes they ended living happily ever after. The spell that was put on the step-mother broke shortly after. She never forgave herself and went missing a few days later. “Happy” ended up with Queen Charming, who was also blinded by “love”… He also later on sent the fake story of Snow-White to the Grimm Brothers.

If you’re reading this, “Happy” has probably taken me away for knowing too much. This is the true tragic account of love, betrayal and evil dwarfs. Remember cute lies can sometimes hide ugly truths.

Overall:
This was quite a unique story. I love when people rewrite fairytales. I liked how you told this story from the Mirror's point of view.

Watch Out For...
Excessie quotation marks, commas, semicolons etc.

If you have any questions please feel free to PM me!
-Winter

ANyone who re-wirtes fairy tales is amazing to me. It's so fun and makes me wanna tell the twisted version to my future children *nodnod*

THIS IS HILARIOUS! i love the way you completely took the opposite view that the actual story is written in. it makes the story much more realistic and very cynical. You obviously have a great creative power, so thats really cool. your whole story has a cynical note to it, but i think the most cynical thing to me was the way it was Happy who betrayed Snow White, and how it really shows that you never judge someone by the way they look or sound, or what their names are. Also, i still think its funny that Snow white remains oblivious but completely in love with the prince. it adds a whole new dimension of a person who is unwittingly imprisoned. if you've never seen the roses you never miss the smell, i guess. ;D

That was great. Good job!
It was really interesting the way you wrote it, good interesting I mean.
I don't know a whole lot of stuff on grammer and things but you seemed to do a great job,
keep it up!

Oh my gosh this is incredibly creative! I absolutely love snow white and the seven dwarfs and you just made it better. I only have one thing to say. Details! You sorta just come out and say the story, and its such a great story that if you went back and added even just a few extra adjectives it would rock! When you write instead of saying "the nice queen" say something like the kindly queen, the loving queen, you see? And dont repeat one adjective either! Spice it up! Again though I absolutely luv this story especially from teh view of the mirror! Keep it up!

i love your story it's so origignal. love it of course.

you should do over story. that was so increneble . i would like having
a cool gift like you. love your story


by; C.F

you are soooooo good

AnnaF13 wrote:Snow white and the seven dwarfs. The unauthorized true story

If you’re reading this, “Happy” has probably taken me away for knowing too much..

Okay, this made me laugh! I love the voice of the mirror! You put a great twist on a classical story, and it was very entertaining! Happy seems like a great character.

You should add some more detail to this story. Right now, you've got a nice skeleton, but that's really all it is: the bones of a story. If you filled the rest of the tale in, you could turn it into a nice long complex story with a great plot.

This is most original, not many people would have the guts to make such dramatic changes and good for you for doing just that . There are a few spelling errors in which you accidentally put the wrong word, for example "that would foul everyone" I'm assuming you mean fool, I might be wrong, but that's just what I think you really mean. I'm not going to dwell on that though because I'm sure other reviewers have pointed it out to you. anyway as I said, really original and a good read. xxxx

I really love the way you completely twisted the story around, and used happy as the evil villain. The thing about the witch actually being nice is interesting as well. Great creativeness!

When her son grew to be a shallow, unintelligent and not so good looking fellow; the queen realized that he would not be able to get married and took action immediately.

Change the semicolon her to a normal comma.

She decided to visit the seven dwarfs; she had heard they had a magical potion called “love”; it could make even the most unattractive human being, be irresistible.

take out the comma between being and be.

Desperate, the queen accepted seeing no other option. The dwarf found out that there was a beautiful princess living near by and decided that she would be the future Mrs. Charming. He had to scheme a plan that would foul everyone and get him what he wanted.

make it, Desperate, the queen accepted, seeing as there was no other option. Happy found out that there was a beautiful princess living nearby and chose her as his victim. (that just sounds more foreshadowing-like). He had a plan that would fool everyone and give him what he wanted.

He followed the saying “Keep your friends close but your enemies closer” and became close friends with Snow-White. He learned that she was very naïve. He then ordered the step-mother to visit her during the day and trick her into touching the poison in any way possible.

these sentences are just very choppy. also, you don't need to put Happy in quotation marks all the time. we know who he is, and that you are not talking about an emotion.

The, temporarily, evil queen paid another visit to, the now suspicious, Snow-White.

change this to: The temporarily evil queen paid a visit to the now suspicious snow white. none of the commas are needed.

okay, so i really like the story! its kind of funny in a twisted way. one last thing before i go, you need to make new paragraphs when another person speaks.