Impossible

Hey writers,

This poem is something that i hope we can all believe in.
Believe in something beyond yourself.

-thevoiceinside

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I'mpossible

An innocent thought; a hope to dream
Life is for living and creating a scene
Each moment you’re singing,
A new light you’re bringing
Of who you are and what can be
Look around...with your heart you’ll see

Building castles in the sky
Dreams are real so don’t you cry
Impossible is a word that blinds
I’m possible are words you must find
With a fire desire; a burning heart’s wish
Your life is more than time to squish

Hiding behind troubled eyes of doubt
Right now is your time to shout
Believe in what you want to be
You’re unstoppable, unbreakable, and free
An innocent thought, a hope to dream
Life is for living and creating your scene

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Wow. That was honestly the most beautiful poem I've read so far. It's everything I belive in put into one short and beautiful poem. I have an uncoutible number of song lyrics and quotes posted to my bedroom walls. This sums them all up. It goes right along with your signature. Luv it!

Hmmm it's a nice feel good poem but it's a bit garbled in the sense that you squash a lot of words into the lines and it messes with the rhythm of the poem and makes it harder for the reader to truly understand the feeling it portrays.

Stanza two is the most garbled I think, such as lines two and five in the said stanza. Try to cut it down a bit and you'll find it becomes more direct to the reader.

The rhyming is a bit cliched too - it's the kind of rhyme I'd put to a "let's all feel happy" poem like this. It'd be nice to see if you could create a result without using rhyme at all and some free verse instead?

It's a nice original idea though and I really think you're onto something - I hope this helps!

That was good. I mean wow, I think that it really portrade a feeling, and I don't think that the rythme was messed up at all, or that it was cramped. I think that it's really good the way it is, I love the second stanza it's defenitly my favorite of all of them.

thevoiceinside wrote:Hey writers,

This poem is something that i hope we can all believe in.
Believe in something beyond yourself.

-thevoiceinside

-----

I'mpossible

An innocent thought; a hope to dream(.)
Life is for living(,) and creating a scene(.)
Each moment you’re singing,
A new light you’re bringing <--- I think you should break apart you're to you are for the flow
(o)f who you are and what can be(.)
Look around...with your heart you’ll see(.) Remove the ... and use a comma.

Building castles in the sky
(d)reams are real so don’t you cry(.)
Impossible is a word that blinds(.)
I’m possible are words you must find(.)
With a fire desire(,) a burning heart’s wish(,)
(y)our life is more than time to squish(.)

Hiding behind troubled eyes of doubt
(r)ight now is your time to shout(.)
Believe in what you want to be(.)
You’re unstoppable, unbreakable, and free(!)
An innocent thought, a hope to dream(;)
Life is for living and creating your scene(.)

-----

Hey voiceinside ^^ Shina here Sorry I don't know your real name xD

I fixed a lot of the punctuation and I fixed the flow. Break up "you're" to "you are" and I think that helps it flow better. You shouldn't use the ...'s in the last line of the first stanza. Change "fire" to "fiery" because you can't really have a fire desire.

Okay I fixed a lot of the punctuation and I'm pretty sure I got everything. The idea is portrayed well in the first stanza. In the second stanza, not so much. The first two lines of it don't make sense. The rhyme eats the whole thing up. Building castles in the sky, dreams are real so you don't cry? That makes no sense. We wouldn't cry if we didn't have dreams would we? We wouldn't be capable of knowing the worlds of fancies if we could never dream. Blinds and find don't rhyme, so you may need to fix that. The last line was kind of funky for this poem. Time to squish? You may need to fix that also since it ruins the point of your poem.

The last stanza's rhyme scheme is better, but doubt and shout seem just chosen for the rhyme. The end of that stanza I really love though. Life is for living and creating a scene! I love that line! That line saves the whole poem. With a little bit of work I think this one will be great

~Shina

hmm

this is good. i liiike . A few minor glitches in the flow though... try reading it aloud and you'll see where your missing syllables or you have to many etc.

the rhyme is good too... maybe foreced in a few places but thats inevitable when you have a rhyme scheme: personally I think you could make this stronger without the rhyme... just like one of the people above said. A little less cliched and forced and more powerful

As for the theme, its a really good one, inspiring and such. But in directly referencing 'Impossible vs I'm Possible within it, and thus summarising someone elses quote, the theme almost doesn't belong entirely to you any more... I think delete this and add a bit of your own flair

Nice start though

Brendan

I'm gonna say what I say when I'm glad you existed... BRAVO! WOOT! PARTY TIME! THAT WAS AMAZING! YOU'RE BOSS, MAN! Okay, I'm over it now.

I could EASILY relate to that poem in many ways, can't count them all. I really liked the way you turned impossible to I'm possible! There was something else I liked, apart from the feeling thing:

With a fire desire; a burning heart’s wish

Fire ---> burning. It's kind of related. So I liked it even though I'm not sure if it was intended, but still.

Gold star, for my own sake!

Quite a powerful poem. This was really hopeful and for that, I absolutely loved this.

I must agree though with the other reviewers, minor errors on rhythm but that's alright since the message was well-delivered.

The way the beginning and end tied together was great.

anyway, overall, this was a great poem. keep writing.

--Knightly

How very creative!

Hi there, I'm June, and I'm going to run over this for you, dear.

I liked this a lot. The whole idea of giving us something to believe in, something to look forward to, something to keep us going. Nice job.

In most cases, this type of rhyme scheme would come off as forced, but! There's something about the way you've done it that adds a touch of humor to this, making it quite enjoyable to read. While some lines here seem a little nonsensical, I can see how they fit.

I think that needs a slight bit of trimming away the excess fat, a little bit of polishing and fine-tuning, and you're all set.

You're off to a great start here, dear.


If you have any questions, feel free to PM me!

June

Hello Voice Inside. Nice to meet you!
On to your poem~

An innocent thought; a hope to dream
Life is for living and creating a scene
Each moment you’re singing,
A new light you’re bringing
Of who you are and what can be
Look around...with your heart you’ll see

The rhyming seems way to forced in this line. You can cut that by evening out your syllables. For example; You could make each line 10 syllables. Honestly, the rhyming is smoother and the poem sounds better. People tell me that they aren't necessary, but for a good poem, yes they are.

Building castles in the sky
Dreams are real so don’t you cry
Impossible is a word that blinds
I’m possible are words you must find
With a fire desire; a burning heart’s wish
Your life is more than time to squish

More forced, out of place rhymed. Try removing "you" in the "Don't you cry" line. It sounds better. Also, squish sounds awkward. You could use "miss" perhaps or something else. But for the level of deepness you're trying to accomplish, this doesn't work.

Hiding behind troubled eyes of doubt
Right now is your time to shout
Believe in what you want to be
You’re unstoppable, unbreakable, and free
An innocent thought, a hope to dream
Life is for living and creating your scene

Probably the best stanza. Good job.

---

Overall, not a bad poem. I loved the theme. But your rhymes were too forced. I suggested methods above that could help. But anyways, nice work. Just keep that in mind if you decide to revise.

Peace, Love and Sugar Packets~
Forever Threnody

Wow. This was a really nice poem. I really enjoyed it.
I would just suggest having less syllables in the first sentence on the last... part. Where it says:
"Hiding behind troubled eyes of doubt".
I like how you kind of change impossible to i'm possible. It is really nice how you could find to opposites creatively out of one word. Um. So anyways, I really liked it and I grant you . . . . . . A GOLD STAR! Yeeeey.