Hi, farikk! First off, I need to inform you that now you have to go review two pieces of work. You should review two pieces of work before you post one of your own.
Now, for the critique.
[quote]I wonder how life would be different. (Why have you spaced so many times? I feel this would be enough. Maybe it's just me.)
Just all to care for is me; no one to walk with me. No one by my slide, looking at everyone else in their sicking happiness. The anger inside of me makes me wanna scream.Wanna is not a real word. It sounds childish and I don't think it should be in your poem(: The knowing of me getting hurt one day, I just with ill have a sign
of when or how it's going to happen.
Cheating; not working; sick of me?
How, how, how will I know? I'm so scared, but I don't want it to show.
But for now, maybe I shall let it be, where I may not see.
I take advantage of the happiness, the hugs, the smiles and giggles.
When its gone, so maybe it be.
Hi. I want to inform you of another rule. You must use proper grammar, spelling, and capitalization. That means no "i's". So, for your poem. I'm sorry to say I didn't understand it well. It was very unclear to me and I just didn't get it. Some of the phrases didn't make sense, and I couldn't comprehend them in order to re-phrase them. But, never fear! That's what YWS is for: improving your writing. The fact that you are writing is wonderful! I'm sure some better poets will be able to understand this and help you, because, let's face it, I'm pretty new to poetry myself.
Also, I noticed you're new around here. Perhaps check out this forum forum1.html and make a post saying you're new here. A lot of friendly people (most likely including myself) will greet you, fill you in on the rules, and answer any questions you have.
