It's a slip up, but it's real.

You call me a faker,
And a liar too.
You say I just want attention.
So my emotions aren’t real.

You’re right,
I do fake my emotions,
I lie about them too,
But I don’t want attention.

I just want the people who call me friend,
To know, that I’m not faking depression,
I’m faking the happy go lucky person they see me as.

It’s a slip up,
Can’t you see I don’t want you to know?
I don’t want anyone to know.

And yet, as it gets worse,
I slip up, again and again.
And my true emotions shine through.

I just wish you knew what was real,
And what was fake.

i really liked this poem, actually i obviously dont know who exactly this poem is about, but it meant a lot to me since it sounded alot like a friend of mine. in fact it even sounds a bit like myself.

i could totally feel the emotion in this poem, and just the simple everyday language makes it really down to earth. i like it that way.

sorry im not being terribly specific or anything, and i have no silly gramatical critiques or anything, which i dont generally believe in giving. overall, great poem, i really enjoyed reading it. thanks for the good read

Hi Ariana Valentine, and welcome to Young Writers Society!

You're probably aware of the 2:1 ratio of posting work and reviewing work alreayd, so I won't go into that much detail.

Anyways, to the reviewing!
I found this poem very ... I can't find the word to describe it, but it's a very good word! There aren't any mistakes or grammatical problems I could find. Nothing in this poem bothered me or caught my eye except for:

I just want the people who call me friend,

I'm not sure, but is there supposed to be an a between me and friend? If I'm wrong, then just ignore this comment

Thanks for making a good poem!

ThienThienThien,

I really like this poem
It has a lot of realness to it
Reminds me of myself sometimes actually...
Good job

Thanks for reveiwing, it means a lot.

ThienThienThien wrote:

I just want the people who call me friend,

I'm not sure, but is there supposed to be an a between me and friend? If I'm wrong, then just ignore this comment

No there's not supossed to be an a in between me and friend, although I probably should have capitalized friend though, that would have made more sense... at least in my head.

hello and welcome here.

this is quite good. It's very honest. However, I feel that the emotions here are very abstract. I think the emotions just have to be concretized in order to make this poem more vivid. You know, write this in a way that makes other people feel what you feel as well not just simply know about it.

Catchy title by the way.

anyway, PM me if you need anything.

keep writing. great poem.

---Knightly

This is really good. I like poems that are very honest, like this one. It's not exactly dripping with emotion but there is still alot of it. It could just be the wording i don't know. But i still really like it.

Ariana Valentine wrote:You call me a faker,
And a liar too.
You say I just want attention.
So my emotions aren’t real.

You’re right,
I do fake my emotions,
I lie about them too,
But I don’t want attention.

I just want the people who call me friend,
To know, that I’m not faking depression,
I’m faking the happy go lucky person they see me as.

It’s a slip up,
Can’t you see I don’t want you to know?
I don’t want anyone to know.

And yet, as it gets worse,
I slip up, again and again.
And my true emotions shine through.

I just wish you knew what was real,
And what was fake.

Hi Ariana ^^ Shina here I'll be your reviewer for today.

I like the idea of this poem, but I don't think you expressed the idea to well. The transition of the idea from your mind to the paper seems sort of messed up, but the idea is still good, meaning I see potential. The idea keeps changing in this poem. The readers aren't sure if you want a friend or if you don't, or whether or not you want to show your emotions? Do you want friends? Do you want to be happy? The real question for you is :What is real and what is fake? The idea of your poem keeps changing. You have to portray one idea here and work it the whole way through. Until you fix that about this poem I can't saying anything about structure or punctuation until it's expressed correctly.

Keep writing Ariana ^^ You'll improve

~Shina

If you need helpf or if you have any questions, feel free to PM or IM me

angels-symphony wrote:

Ariana Valentine wrote:You call me a faker,
And a liar too.
You say I just want attention.
So my emotions aren’t real.

You’re right,
I do fake my emotions,
I lie about them too,
But I don’t want attention.

I just want the people who call me friend,
To know, that I’m not faking depression,
I’m faking the happy go lucky person they see me as.

It’s a slip up,
Can’t you see I don’t want you to know?
I don’t want anyone to know.

And yet, as it gets worse,
I slip up, again and again.
And my true emotions shine through.

I just wish you knew what was real,
And what was fake.

Hi Ariana ^^ Shina here I'll be your reviewer for today.

I like the idea of this poem, but I don't think you expressed the idea to well. The transition of the idea from your mind to the paper seems sort of messed up, but the idea is still good, meaning I see potential. The idea keeps changing in this poem. The readers aren't sure if you want a friend or if you don't, or whether or not you want to show your emotions? Do you want friends? Do you want to be happy? The real question for you is :What is real and what is fake? The idea of your poem keeps changing. You have to portray one idea here and work it the whole way through. Until you fix that about this poem I can't saying anything about structure or punctuation until it's expressed correctly.

Keep writing Ariana ^^ You'll improve

~Shina

If you need helpf or if you have any questions, feel free to PM or IM me

So I re worded it, and I tried to stay more focused this time, I'm not exactly sure how good I did, but anyway, here it is.

You call me a faker,
And a liar too.
You say I just want attention.
And my emotions aren’t real.

You’re right,
I do fake my emotions,
I’ll admit it,
I lie about them too,
But I don’t want attention.

I just want the people who call me friend,
To know, that I’m not faking depression,
I’m faking the happy go lucky person you see me as.

But that’s the person,
The one that I want to be.
I just want you to understand that.

I want you to be my friend,
I really do.
But it’s hard,
I wish you’d understand.

It’s a slip up,
But it’s real.