Overall, I really liked this short story. It really kept me hooked until the end. So well done! Although, I don't think the PG rating suited this very well. I would have made this a PG-13. Now onto just a few little shmidges I'd like to point out.

lilymoore wrote:**3 beers = Drunk
**He tried to have sex
**I’m still too young.
**He said I wasn’t sorry – but I am
**I love Daniel
**Very drunk at 3 beers
**Shouldn’t Drink
**He’s too young, just a little boy.
**I love him, but not the way he loves me.
**I am sorry.
**Have to call Daniel.
**Need to get my glasses.

I totally do not understand that entire part. What is it?

lilymoore wrote:I didn’t need the note to remind me of what had happened last night, but it was evidence enough - though[s]t[/s] hard to read -

lilymoore wrote:I had loved him once, had craved his touch – admired it really – until I had it. It was strong and protective because I knew that with him holding onto me, I would never be dropped. But at the same time, it was too aggressive, too heated, too much for me. I was too young, and am in fact, still too young.

Sorry, just had to say, I luuuurveeee that paragraph. Nicely written.

lilymoore wrote:Through my body is my only vulnerability and he knows that; [s]and[/s] he takes advantage of that.

lilymoore wrote:But when Vance had bailed on us, I was without a guardrail to hold the boundary between him and I.

Once again, great job on this! I hope you write more

Hey!!
Well, I really like this. It's down to earth, and someting that could happen. It has a little poetic touch to it too. Well, I couldn't find much wrong with it, actuly I couldn't find anything wrong with it!!
That's about it! I liked and hope to see more of your work somewhere!!
-bunnie!

A very good piece. I like the truth in it, the way you kept it true and simple (although a little confusing at times.) I'm so glad you began the way you did. It took me a while to understand it, but after reading the story, I did. It's almost like a whole separate poem to go along with the story. It says everything that happens in the page, and it adds more of a poetic type of rhythm. I would get rid of the little stars though, it seems they confuse readers. Great job

I really enjoyed this, but I have to say I was a little confused. Half the time it felt like you were talking about Daniel and half the time it felt like you were talking about Vance, but then it seemed like you intended to be talking about only one of them

It wasn’t supposed to be just the two of us at first. No, the plan had been made for three: Vance, him, and I. But when Vance had baled on us, I was without a guardrail to hold the boundary between him and I. And I shouldn’t have gone without Vance. But the need for company was more then I could bear so I had gone.

Here it seemed like it was Daniel who tried to take advantage of her.

And now I regret my decisions. Yes, I had been sober enough to say no. I had said it more times then I could count or recall but I remember saying it. Because I’ve moved on; he and I will never have another chance. I only hope that Daniel, my future, my real love, will forgive me.

I ripped the page from my notebook and fold it up tight, slipping into snuggly into my bra next to my heart to be certain that I wouldn’t forget. I rolled over in bed, grabbed the phone and dialed those seven little digits that have been imprinted into my heart and my head forever.

His voice mail picked up, and no wonder seeing as its only four in the morning, but I clear my throat and speak, “Hey babe, I just wanted to call and tell you how much I love you. And that, no matter what he tells you, I said no. I said no for you.” And I snapped the phone shut, curled into a ball and went back to sleep.

But this makes me think that she's talking about Vance trying to take advantage and telling him no because she loves Daniel.

The best advice I can give you is to use more definition when talking about your characters. Like using names or if one character has a defining characterist (eye/hair/skin color) use it to tell your readers who you're talking about because saying he, him, he, him, when there are to he's, gets really confusing.

This is excellent. I've read some of your other pieces, and I must say...you are very good!
One comment though: the note. I was kind of confused when I began reading it. I didn't
realize it was a note until the very end. Perhaps you could alter it a little, maybe (instead
of using asterisks) you could just state them as simple sentences. I don't know, maybe
something like that. Overall, I think this is extremely well written. Good job!

Hmmm, I don't really know what I think of this, to be honest. I mean, some parts were really good, like the ending. Very powerful. But at the same time, I felt like some parts were written as a cliche. Maybe spice it up. I know you said this was based off of personal experience but I guess you can give it a little extra even if it's based off of that, you know?

Otherwise, I think its a solid piece. I just feel like you can make it even better by tweaking it and adding more thoughts and more of what happened, ect. I don't really know who Daniel is so I can't feel much for him. I feel like he was kinda thrown in at the end as an after-thought. So just think it through a bit and I think you'll greatly improve this.

I wish you the best of luck