Travels above the clouds

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Travels above the clouds.

I took a trip today,
Journeyed above the clouds.
Lumbering through the sky,
I pondered on what the graceful birds
Think when they see, that poor immitation
Whirring past, perhaps they laugh
As they swoop at their liesure
Through the hazy blue.

I saw land spread out beneath,
The world seemed strangely still,
Nothing mattered up there, up high.
Then, as i threw myself into the slipstream,
which tugged and tore at my falling frame,
Fear snatched all thought from my mind.
I was consumed by an eerie silence,
Repacing all emotion was a clear elation.

I felt a sudden jealously then,
Of the birds and that great freedom
They must enjoy,
Time after time freefalling
Through that infinite expanse of sky
How happy they must be, merely to exsist
And at any random whim, be able to,
Experience that exhilirating rush.

I hit the ground with a sudden jolt
And upon regaining my composure,
I marvelled at the way in which,
A bird can land so daintily,
Controlling to perfection, their descent,
While I was so firmly clasped,
In the wind's unrelenting grip
Which drove me, speeding over ground,
That rushed with frightening intensity,
Towards my helpless self.

As i returned to that lofty grandeur
And leg shaking fear gripped once again.
I paused for a second, at that final moment,
Before i took the leap of faith.
Realisation pierced clouding anxiety,
I knew at once, beyond all doubt,
That special place will forever belong
To the feathery kind.
And they can keep
Their windy, boundless eyrie.
i'm so lost x5




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Points 2527
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This was really good. Not only was the idea good, but so was the imagery, rhythm, spelling, structure, and grammar for the most parts. In one or two places you didn't capitalize words at the beginning of the line or the word "I", but other than that I couldn't find anything wrong with it. Awesome job!
So it goes.




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Points 15580
Reviews 324
Lovely poem. I think it captured a flight extremely well. Just a few comments in bold~

I took a trip today,
A Journey above the clouds.
Lumbering through the sky,
I pondered about what the graceful birds
Think when they see, that poor imitation
Whirring past... perhaps they laugh
As they swoop at their leisure
Through the hazy blue.

A journey sounds better, as does about to on. The other is just punctuation and spelling.


So yeah, overall I thought that you should always double check your grammar before posting. It saves a lot of correction. Otherwise, I loved it. It has amazing potential. Look for a contest and I think you'll have a good chance.

Peace, Love and Sugar Packets~
Forever Threnody
“One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes”
~ The Little Prince~



huh. didn't realize santa was a batman fan-
— Mageheart