Good stuff. It kept me hooked; I liked the two characters and more so their rather amusing relationship, I liked the idea behind Death's brother, in actual fact, I liked it so much that I reckon it should be developed on, rather than just get a brief mention. I liked the conclusion, that was also very clever, and although looking back I'm disappointed with myself for not realizing the significance of throwing the toast, but it was obviously your set out and dialogue etc that made that so.
This is very humorous, though unrealistic as a play. I love the awkward familiarity between death and Tom. I also love how death is so casual and seemingly in no rush at all to do his work.
I agree with other critiques that Death's use of the word "Joshin'" is a little weird, but other than that, this is great! It could very easily fit as a smaller scene in a bigger story. You should expand it! It would make a wonderful cartoon or comic.
That was really awesome! I love acting, and I'd absolutely love to perform that one day. It was really funny, but there were quite some powerful bits mixed in.
I didn't like the part about Death not being able to breathe, though. It seemed ... I don't know, too life-like. I'd change it.
I also thought there could be a lot more puns, but overall it was brilliant. Sorry this isn't very helpful, but I just might steal your idea and then film it one day!
I liked this story! Especially the my brother part. "LIfe" haha i got it because it was Death and life... ahhh. I REALLY liked this part: Tom: When we first met, not the very first day, of course, but like the first few days we were going out, Michelle told me about a locket her father bought her for her tenth birthday. It wasn't fancy, just some soft gold and a cheap silver, but she wore it for the next ten years. Her father died a few days after he gave her the chain, so she kept it as a remembrance. During college she had to pawn the locket. Broke her heart, but she needed the money, food and fees and taking care of mom, you know? She came to get it back after graduation but it had been sold off. Took me half a year but I finally found that sucker. Was in a pawn shop in Chinatown. Wild, right? Was gonna wrap that in a small box, brown cardboard, romantic huh? When she found the necklace the ring would be on the chain.
