The Scarecrow Minstrel

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The moon was covered with clouds heavy with rain, shadowing the land below. The wind was slowly picking up, blowing dead leaves across the road. The old trees of the forest swayed angrily.
Vala tightened her hold on her pumpkin and she tried to quicken her pace. Her lungs were ready to burst and she had a painful stitch in her side. The branches of the trees reached for her, grabbing at her hair and clothes. Their gnarled bark turned into menacing faces as they tried to catch the girl.
‘Keep running,’ she told herself. ‘Don’t stop whatever you do.’ Her heart was racing. Not only from the swift pace she was keeping, but from her growing fear. Her legs felt like jelly, her feet were lead and her lungs were on fire. Just as she thought she was going to collapse from exhaustion, she tripped and fell face first into the hard dirt road.
The pumpkin rolled away from her, carved face glaring. A small whimper escaped Vala’s lips. Her hands and knees hurt from the impact but she ignored the pain and sat up. As she sat up, her eyes searched the darkness; trying to locate the pumpkin. She spotted its mischievous/angry face partially hidden in the dead grass.
She painfully crawled to her feet and limped to the pumpkin. She scooped it up into her arms and began to stagger down the road. The wind howled louder and the trees creaked terribly. The leaves twirled and danced ahead of Vala, completely unaware of the pending storm and the small girl’s fear.
Vala could see the trees thinning out ahead and knew the terrifying forest was coming to an end. She put on an extra burst of speed and the trees finally ended. She turned around and stared wide eyed at the forest that had frightened her so. It was dark, darker than the sky. A shudder ran through her body and she hastily turned around.
“I just want to get home, pumpkin,” she told the pumpkin. It continued to glare. “I just want to go home.” Tears welled up in her eyes but she wearily plodded on.
The wind doubled once she left the forest. The open fields were no protection against its frosty bite. Vala could see her town’s lights across the long field.
“Let’s cut across the field, pumpkin. We could get home faster and won’t have to pass Old Man Cas. He’s a creepy one and I don’t fancy walking passed his house at night.” The pumpkin said nothing and continued to glare mischievously at the world.
Vala stopped to catch her breath but she kept an eye on the old building that sat atop the hill just up the road. The wood was grey with time and many of the shingles on the sagging roof were flapping in the wind. The light was shining in one of the unbroken windows sent a shiver down her spine. Even the hair on the back of her neck stood up.
She turned the pumpkin around in her hands to stare at its face. “Let’s hurry pumpkin. Hopefully he won’t catch me trespassing on his field.”
Vala snuck down the hill to her right and stepped into the harvested oat field. Columns of stacked straw were everywhere, giving the girl meagre cover from the old man.
There was only one tree in the large field; a gnarly old oak. It possessed a wide trunk, equally wide branches and it towered over a scarecrow that hung on a stake just a few meters away from it. The girl didn’t want to pass the scarecrow or the tree. She was terrified enough, yet she knew it was the only way across the field.
Just as Vala was nearing the scarecrow, she heard the deep caws of crows. She turned around and saw three crows come soaring straight at her from the house. She stared, wide eyed and terrified. They dived at her, pointed beaks wide open.
She gave out a scream and ran. The crows veered upwards and rested on the oak, staring down at her with their dark eyes. She collapsed beside the scarecrow, shaking with fear. She clutched her pumpkin to her chest and wept. She was so frightened. Frightened of the night, of the crows, especially of Old Man Cas and the incoming storm.
But then suddenly two gentle arms pulled her to her feet. Vala turned around and gave out a startled gasp as she realized it was the scarecrow who had picked her up. His head was a pumpkin, similar to the one in her hands. He had two arms with straw sticking out through the sleeves and he had legs.
“What is the matter, little one?” he asked. His head was glowing and she was astonished to see the carved pieces of the pumpkin move. “I have heard you speaking up on the hill there so do not pretend you cannot speak.” He gave her a smile.
Vala swallowed. “I’m scared. I’m terribly frightened and those wretched crows came after me. And all I want is to get home!”
The scarecrow gave her a sympathetic smile. “I’m sorry to hear that. Honestly. Where is your home and why are you out here on such a dark and terrible night?”
The small girl shuffled her feet, hugging her pumpkin closer. “I was in the forest paying my respects to the dead. It is close to All Hallow’s Eve and on that night we build a great big bonfire and welcome the dead to visit us. I like to go and visit the dead with my mother but she is ill. But I didn’t want to stop our yearly tradition. I think it wouldn’t please the spirits.” The words were just tumbling out of her mouth. “I hadn’t meant to stay out this late. I got lost in the forest there when the clouds first blew over. I finally found the road…”
“So the lights over yonder is your town?” the scarecrow inquired, pointing to the lights across the field.
Vala bobbed her head. “Yes. But I’m frightened of the old man and his crows.”
“Do not be afraid of them. I can easily protect you from them. And I don’t mean in a physical way.” He smiled and tilted his head to stare up at the crows. The birds ruffled their feathers and gave out a few caws that sounded quite like laughs. “They’re laughing now. I know a perfect way to chase them off.”
“How?” Vala set her pumpkin down and looked around for something to chuck at the birds. “What do we throw?”
The scarecrow laughed. “Oh no. We shan’t deal any abuse to those treacherous feathered fiends. Dance with me.” He moved away from her, twirling and jumping in the air.
Vala was entranced by his dance. It was an old dance, one mostly performed by the Wanderers. She watched his movements for a few more minutes and followed in suit. The scarecrow laughed at her attempts and soon the girl was laughing with delight.
The crows, frightened by their odd movements, flapped their wings and dove off their perch, heading back to the house with deep croaks. The scarecrow stopped with a laugh and watched them fly off.
“See? Didn’t I tell you?” He put his hands on his hips and spotted Vala’s pumpkin sitting on the ground. “Now what is this?”
Vala stopped dancing, breathless with laughter. “That is my pumpkin. I always take one with me to the sacred grounds in the forest where I visit the dead. I carve out a face like that so the evil spirits don’t harm me.”
“Hmm.” The scarecrow picked up the pumpkin and held it in front of himself. “Not a friendly fellow, is he? He looks like me!” The scarecrow copied the carved face on the pumpkin and looked at the girl.
Vala could hardly keep herself from smiling. “Yes, yes he does. He will probably get fed to the chickens or pigs after All Hallow’s Eve.”
“Oh no! You wouldn’t do such a cruel thing to the pumpkin, would you?” The scarecrow’s face looked truly horrified. “No young one. I have a much better idea.” He stared hard at the pumpkin and began to murmur words under his breath. Vala was about to lean in closer to hear what he was whispering when her pumpkin began to glow. She took a startled step back.
“It’s glowing!” she cried.
The scarecrow looked at her with an amused smile. “No need to be frightened. Here, take him.” He held the glowing pumpkin out to her.
She took it in shaky hands and stared at the pumpkin. “What did you do to it?”
“Now you won’t forget me,” the scarecrow replied, something like sadness in his voice. “Just hold your pumpkin when it’s glowing and he will remind you of me.”
“But what happens if he is not glowing?”
He gave her a mournful look. “Then neither am I.” He gave a rueful smile at her dismayed face. “That pumpkin will not glow during the day as during that time, I am just your ordinary scarecrow who hangs on a stake with a head full of straw. Or just a hollow pumpkin head. It is at night when the moon is high in the sky, clouds or no clouds, when I come alive. At night your pumpkin will glow.”
“Why? Why do you come alive? Aren’t you just an ordinary scarecrow with the ability to come alive? Or is it magic?” Vala questioned, holding her pumpkin tighter.
“No, I am no ordinary scarecrow. It is magic that is upon me. Terrible magic cast by the wicked old man who lives up in that decaying house. But I do no wish to---” A door slamming cut the scarecrow off mid sentence. He straightened up quickly and looked over his shoulder. The little girl also looked at the house and was horrified to see an old man come stomping down the hill.
“Oh no,” she whimpered.
The scarecrow turned to her. “You must leave now! It would not bode well for the both of us if he caught you.”
“But, what would he do to you?” Vala felt unknown feelings for her new straw filled friend. She did not want him to get hurt on her account.
“What more can he do to me? Make haste across this field and get home. And hold tight onto that pumpkin!” the scarecrow replied.
Vala nodded and turned around. “Halt there you little trespasser!” shouted an old, yet spine chilling voice. She looked over her shoulder and saw the old man come charging after her. He had a cane in his hand and he limped towards her at amazing speed. The scarecrow gave her panicked expression and turned around.
“Move it scarecrow or I’ll turn you into a stalk of corn,” the old man snarled, waving the cane at the scarecrow. The latter took a nervous step away from man, wincing. “You, you insolent little brat! Who do you think you are, trespassing on my property?”
Vala squeezed her pumpkin. “I’m t-t-terribly sorry sir! I-I only meant to-to find a-a-a quick way h-home,” she stuttered, tears welling up in her eyes.
The scarecrow bounded between the two. “Leave the girl alone, old man. Just because you are filled with hate, does not mean you must frighten an innocent child. A storm is coming in swiftly and it is the middle of the night. Let her take the quick way home.”
Old Man Cas raised his cane threateningly at the scarecrow who winced again. “Don’t speak to me!” he snapped.
“Run little one,” the scarecrow said before putting his straw hands onto the old man’s shoulders and flipping over him.
Vala turned and headed as fast as she could across the field. She could hear the old man shouting and the crows cawing but she never stopped running. It was only when she got home that she noticed that the pumpkin had stopped glowing.



Okay, why I am posting this I have no idea. It's just something I put together awhile ago. For my one novel, Silent Souls, this is merely a story told to the children. I wanted to blow it up and explore it more. This is what came out. It's a fairly short story and I went through this again this morning so hopefully most of the mistakes and errors should be gone.

I found this picture of a scarecrow surrounded by fire and children. My brother and I were wondering what they were doing. This is where I got the idea for this. The picture is at this site http://www.myfreewallpapers.net/fantasy/pages/halloween-gathering.shtml Enjoy the picture and I hope you enjoyed the story!
Last edited by MeadowLark on Tue Feb 24, 2009 5:56 pm, edited 6 times in total.
Purple light in the canyon
that is where I long to be
With my three good companions
just my rifle, pony and me

--- "My Rifle My Pony and Me"




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Ello.

First things first - I like how you've noted what your inspiration was, it's interesting, but the three paragraphs of information at the beginning is kind of offputting. You should probably leave that to the end, so people can hook straight on to your first line.

Your opening paragraph is a good description, short and sweet, but still quite vivid.

'Jumped from a jog into run' - She did what? The three consecutive verbs are hard to keep track of, it would be better to just say something like she 'started to run,' or 'burst into a run.'

'The girl was too terrified... to catch the girl.' Your reader is likely to skim over words like 'it' and 'she,' so don't worry about overusing them. It's easier than writing, or reading, 'the girl.'

' “Don’t speak to me!” he snapped.' Exclaimation mark ends a sentence, so 'he' needs to be capitalised.


I love the descriptions in this piece, you had me quite scared at the beginning. You also really brought the characters to life, even the pumpkin.

Just remember not to try too hard with the little things, with writing like this a huge variety of words and actions can weigh it down.

Nice work :)




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Shorter sentences can add more suspense/a faster pace.
I like the description in the third paragraph, you should describe the pain from her fall though, you skip over it. It could be good to pull the reader in.

'She turned around and stared wide eyed at the forest that had frightened her so. It was dark, darker than the sky. A shudder ran through her body and she hastily turned around.' I liked this.

Change her dialogue to italic thoughts. People dont actually talk out loud to pumpkins too often. 'non broken windows' should be unbroken windows. You're spacing too much!

Little stuff like that is what you could touch up.
I liked it, for a sec I was wondering where it was going, but you wrapped it up pretty decently. It was a nice little piece.




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The night was very dark, with the moon covered by clouds heavy with rain.


Too many “with”s. Maybe split this into two sentences? “The night was very dark. The moon was covered by clouds heavy with rain.”



Vala tightened her hold on her pumpkin and quickened her pace. Her lungs were ready to burst and she had a painful stitch in her side, but the girl was too terrified to stop.


These sentences give completely different images. The first one made Vala seem just uneasy, wanting to get out of the forest as it was dark. Then in the second sentence, she’s suddenly terrified? Say at the beginning that she’s running, maybe have the pumpkin slipping in her grasp.

(Btw, love the way you just suddenly throw the pumpkin in. It’s quirky)



‘Keep running,’ she told herself in her head. ‘Don’t stop whatever you do.’


You could take out the bolded bit, as it clogs rather than helps.


She absently nodded to herself and tried to quicken her pace.


You’ve done it again. If she’s terrified, we’ve got to be able to feel it as well. “Absently nodded” and “tried to quicken her pace” sound really half-hearted.



She was too tired. Her legs felt like jelly, her feet were lead and her lungs were on fire.


Too many clichés in one sentence. I can appreciate the jelly one, and possibly the lead one, but not the on-fire one. Take at least all of them out.


Vala let a small whimper escape her parched lips and sat up.


Too around the bush. “A small whimper escaped Vala’s lips…” is more direct.


Her head swivelled around violently as she tried to locate the pumpkin.


This makes me think that she’s a doll. (You gave me a weird idea about wooden dolls through this, so thanks!)



She painfully crawled to her feet and limped to the pumpkin.


“Limped to the pumpkin” sounds really awkward. I’m not too sure how to change it, though.


She scooped it up into her arms and began to walk fast down the road.


“Walk fast” is supremely awkward wording. “Stumble”? “Run”? “Stagger”?



The leaves twirled and danced ahead of Vala, completely unaware of the pending storm and the small girls’ fear.


This means that there’s more than one girl. Should be “girl’s”.



“I just want to get home pumpkin,” she told the angry looking pumpkin. It continued to glare. “I just want to go home.” Tears welled up in her eyes but she wearily plodded on.


Comma after the first home. Can I say that I love this pumpkin? And Vala? I can picture it all really clearly.



Vala could see her towns’ lights across the long field.


Towns’ = town’s.



The town stood at the edge of the same forest she had just walked through.


I’d take this sentence out, as it doesn’t give very clear directions.



“Let’s cut across the field pumpkin.


Comma after “field.”


The pumpkin said nothing and continued to glare mischievously at the world.


The impression the pumpkin’s been giving off so far is anger, not mischief. Perhaps change, or add mischief earlier on?



A light was shining in one of the non broken windows.


Non broken = unbroken


There was only one tree in the large field; a scary looking oak.


This is rather cheap and tell-y.



“What is the matter little one?” he asked.


Comma after “matter”. Normally, its best to never, ever use the phrase “little one”, but maybe you can get away with it here.



Vala swallowed. “I’m scared. I’m terribly frightened and those wretched crows came after me,” she explained. “And all I want is to get home!”


Take out the bolded tag, as it bogs the sentence down.


The scarecrow gave her a sympathetic smile. “I’m sorry to hear that little one. Honestly. Where is your home and why are you out here on such a dark and terrible night?”


I really like this scarecrow. ^__^
Comma after “that.” Maybe here you should nix the “little one.”



“I was in the forest paying my respects to the dead. It is close to All Hollow’s Eve and on that night we build a great big bomb fire and welcome the dead to visit us.


Unless you did it deliberately, it should be “All Hallow’s Eve” and I think you should change it. Also, “bomb fire” should be “bonfire.”


But I couldn’t let our yearly tradition fail. I think it wouldn’t please the spirits,” she enlightened.


The first sentence is too mature sounding for a little girl. Must change.
“Enlightened” is one of those verbs that sound like you’ve stuck it in there because you couldn’t think of anything else to put. Change, or take out.



Vala bobbed her head. “Indeed. But I’m frightened of the old man and his crows.”


Change “indeed” to a simpler, more realistic “yes.”



Vala stopped dancing, breathless with laughter and an adrenaline rush.


This is uber-jarring. Too modern-sounding.



“Why? Why do you come alive? Are you not just an ordinary scarecrow with the ability to come alive? Or is it magic?” Vala questioned, holding her pumpkin tighter.


“Are you not” = “aren’t.” Even if this is set in another century, still change.



He straightened up quick and looked over his shoulder.


Quick = quickly.



The scarecrow turned to her. “You must leave now! It would not bode well for the both of us if he caught you,” he told her in an urgent tone.


Take out the tag.



“What more can he do to me? He turned me into a scarecrow for goodness sakes! Now please, hurry off. Make haste across this field and get home. And hold tight onto that pumpkin!” the scarecrow replied.

Take out the bolded lines, as they sound contrary to the rest of the scarecrows attitude.


The scarecrow bounded between the two. “Leave the girl alone old man. Just because you are hate filled does not mean you must frighten an innocent child. A storm is coming in swiftly and it is the middle of the night. Let her take the quick way home,” he said.


Comma after “alone.”
Hate filled = filled with hate.
Take out bolded tag.



Vala turned and headed as fast as she could across the gently rolling field.


“Gently rolling” is at odds with the action! Take out, and just have “fields.”



And it was only when she got home, did she notice the pumpkin had stopped glowing.


Reword. “It was only when she got home that she noticed that the pumpkin had stopped glowing.”

---

Just a note:

West wrote:' “Don’t speak to me!” he snapped.' Exclaimation mark ends a sentence, so 'he' needs to be capitalised.


It shouldn't be capitalised, actually. Leave it as lower case.

---

Hi!

First of all, this was brilliant. Lovely story, and I could completely visualise it all. For a short story, the characters were great as well -- I could even feel for the pumpkin. :)

But the ending! Does that mean the scarecrow died? The old man killed him?

I know all that ^ looks like rather a lot, but this was a very, very, very good story. *stars* That's why there's all that, so it can be as good as possible. ^_^

It had rather a Tim Burton feel, like The Nightmare Before Christmas... write to him and see if he's interested. ;) I think it's the pumpkins.

Great story, and I really enjoyed reading it!
"TV makes sense. It has logic, structure, rules, and likeable leading men. In life, we have this. We have you." -Abed Nadir




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Rythm of sentences, like Ares mentioned, can do a lot. I think you're rythm is fin, just go back and read the whole alod. It's amazing how much you improve things by hearing, not seeing.

Also, watch your semicolon use. There are places where "," is what you need (I DON'T REMEMBER HOW TO SPELL IT?)
Authos give life to their characters,
and characters give life to the author




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I loved the way you made the scarecrow the good guy instead of the villain as many writers might do. It added a different feel to the writing, and i loved it!
Xx This side of mortality is
scaring me to death
to death xX

-The Temper Trap: Soldier On



I have my books and my poetry to protect me.
— Paul Simon