Wall of Mask

(I don't write a whole lot of poetry, so I hope this is okay! And does anyone have any ideas about punctuation for it?)


Fields of cherry (specked with gold)
Puddles of grass (warm but cold)
Plains of china (soft and smooth)
Valley of coral (a deep wide groove)

River of honey (flowing through)
Dripping of sugar (wise words move)
Filled of flames (wild and rash)
Snow of rain (small chill and fast)

A face of beauty (hides it all)
Depths of hell (behind the wall)

Wow! Seriously I really liked this poem. It seems very magical, and mystical. I almost felt like I was reading some old spell from an ancient tome or something. It sounds like a Wiccan Incantation, and lol for me thats a good thing. I thought it was a very well done poem. The words in brackets were very graceful, and they completed the sentence you wished to convey.

You are very young, and you definently have the curse of the writer (or blessing). Just read lots and lots of poems, and stories and you will irrefutably improve. Writing like yours, with a hint of manna (magic) to it, is why I even write.

Beautiful.

Keep Writin',
SOL

Hi! I really liked it. The rhymes didn't seem forced, and I liked the descriptions.

At first, I didn't understand the purpose of the parentheses. What is in the parentheses are like afterthoughts, though, and I couldn't think of any better punctuation for it. By the second stanza, they seemed very fitting.

Fields of cherry (specked with gold) great way to start off. I instantly visualize this beautiful place, which is good because of what I think you intended the reader to get out of this based on the last stanza
Puddles of grass (warm but cold)
Plains of china (soft and smooth) plains of china? What do you mean by plains of china and how does it fit in with the theme? I understand you were trying to convey a hell disguised by beauty, but plains of china doesn't even really make sense. It doesn't have the visual element as the rest of the lines. However, I do like this line, and if you can fit it into other poems, or something like this line, that would be beautiful
Valley of coral (a deep wide groove)

River of honey (flowing through)
Dripping of sugar (wise words move) I'm not too crazy on the river of honey and dripping of sugar. Are you trying to get us to think of sweet? If so, I think you can do it in an actual natural thing...flowers, maybe? these lines aren't terrible, but they aren't great. I suppose I'm neutral about them.
Filled of flames (wild and rash)
Snow of rain (small chill and fast) do you mean (small, (COMMA!?) chill and fast)? or as in a "small chill"? If a "small chill", I think you can eliminate the word small because it somewhat disrupts the flow and is unnecessary

A face of beauty (hides it all)
Depths of hell (behind the wall) ooh, this last stanza is wonderful! great job!

Once again, beautiful job! *starred*!

-Cassie

This rhymed really well.

I agree with Sol. This sounded like a fantasy. It reminds me of the feelings from the Music of the Romantic Era. We studied it in music recently and our teacher said most of it revolved around fantasies. So, all in all, this was a very musical poem which was very well written.

Thank you all! By "plains of china" I meant china as in porcelain china, the kind they make plates out of, not the country. And plains like the plains of the prairie.