L.O.V.E

Lost in a world of chocolate hearts
Obviously in love with the boy in her dreams
Very much taken with the story in parts
Everybody's been there, or so it seems.

Hello there, Rook, and welcome to YWS! I'm on a reviewing binge, so here goes.

I like what you have going on here. However, it feels (this is going to sound really mean, but please know I'm not saying that way) like its not quite ready to be posted up here. I understand what you were trying to accomplish, but I would have liked it if you opened your poem this way and then expanded. What is this girl's story? Who is this boy she is in love with, and what are the feelings and consequences that come along with it? This has a lot of potential, or else I wouldn't have all theses curiosities or wouldn't bother to write about them. Just keep working on it.

So that's it. I hope I was helpful.

I agree with AlyssaKyle. It's like a huge giant cliff hanger and leaves a lot of open questions. But, I do like your wording. I'm weird probably just like a lot of other people here, but definitely not in a bad way. I just like the way some people word things and you're one of those people. And I would really like to see more from you that had more words or if you want to revise this and make it tell a further story. It's really up to you though, of course. Great work though and welcome!

This was an interesting poem, but it sort of left you hanging with a lot of questions.Who is this girl? Why is she in love with this guy? Put more detail into your poem. Show us the emotion and character of the girl and the problem. Good start though.

Hey there Rook! Welcome to YWS!

Before I begin, I just want to let you know that YWS has a 2:1 policy, which means that before you post one piece of your work, you should have completed two reviews prior to your post. Please review two pieces as soon as you can, dear.

Here we go

So! This is an anagram poem, meaning that it's written to spell something out in the beginning of the first few lines.

I really like how you were able to keep the anagram, and at the same time, write out a message in a poem-- good job with that.

And! You rhymed. It was perfect-- it flowed well and didn't stumble.

I do agree with the above people that you kind of left us "hanging". I don't think there's anyway you could have expanded this, dear, so it's all good.

Overall, you did a good job, dear. Keep it up! And welcome to YWS!


June