"Do not leave me"

*Another miserable poem... *sigh* oh well, that's the way I am. Dark and depressing . Please review!*

Drenched in my tears
My heart drowned in pain.
My thoughts are useless
Nothing matters to my soul
I'm no longer whole,
I'm only myself.

I tasted love, like
the softest of candy
And lost it, more abruptly
than anything ever.
I was not clever,
Love's irrational.


I begged, I cried
"Do not leave me"
You ignored; you left.
Panic overpowered me.
Alone I was left to be
hurt.

*Another miserable poem... *sigh* oh well, that's the way I am. Dark and depressing . Please review!*

Drenched in my tears,
my heart drowned in pain. (don't capitalize each line of your poem xD)
My thoughts are useless.
My mind is blank.
A poison I drank. <---- You have to connect this line to the rest of the poem

I tasted love
*like the softest of candy (fixed this break)
And lost it more abruptly
than anything ever.
It was my fault, however.

I begged, I cried
"Do not leave me"
You ignored; you left.
Panic overpowered me.
There was no more "we".


Hi *writewatiwant*! I'm Shina and I'll be your reviewer today

I like the idea you have going on here and the way you compare love to poison and candy. I like the way it works, however I think you should fix your structure a little bit *pokes poem*

The main thing with your poem is that all of your pieces don't connect. You have a lot of good pieces, but you don't connect them well. You have a rhyme scheme, but where does it go? It comes and goes and leaves and arrives. You need to decide the pattern of your poem. I also thought the ending stanza of your poem could've been much better. You have all this imagery and then you end with quotes. i think you should compare the ending to something else, like perhaps how a bright star burns out or something.

*writewatiwant* wrote:*Another miserable poem... *sigh* oh well, that's the way I am. Dark and depressing . Please review!*

Drenched in my tears
My heart drowned in pain.
My thoughts are useless
My mind is blank. ...fix rhyme...
A poison I drank. ...i already see that this verse will not fit into the poem...

I tasted love, like
the softest of candy
And lost it, more abruptly
than anything ever.
It was my fault, however. The rhythm is seriously hurt in this stanza. The rhyme is too forced..

I begged, I cried:
"Do not leave me"
You ignored; you left,
Panic overpowered me.
[s]There was no more "we"[/s]. Again that verse...

Oh..and it's not miserable...

Gee. This poem made me sad! It conveys a good amount of emotion, which is good, but I think it might be a little bit too concise, too abrupt. I mean, right when I started reading it, it was over. You might consider elaborating a little more. Of course, that's just a personal preference.
And if this poem was based on real life, I offer my deepest condolences. I have been through the same thing.

Sorry, but I can't give a review because I'm afraid I'll be mean, and I don't want to be mean.

The poem was a little too sad for me, life isn't all that bad! It has it's highlights, few and far in between though. but I just think about my past happy moments and the more to come.

I really like this.
It's full of emotions, maybe you might want to elaborate, I felt like I was being hit by a bolder in the first line, then it ended. A few of the breaks seemed awkward to me. I feel like there are a thousands different things you could do with this poem, a thousand places you could take it.