Phoenix Saga Chapter 3 Charms

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Chapter 3
Charms

Ok I'm currently in the revising stage. This will probably be my last chapter submitted to YWS. Because the next chapter follows the life of another character. This happens, and then two after that. Which forms by four main characters. So comment and be as cut throat as you want. I've finished all 309 pages of this book and currently in the editing stage, so I do need the feedback.


Ethan looked around at the forest trying to figure out his next move. He was homeless now. He was about to just continue running and worry about a home later, but he was interrupted.
“I had a feeling you’d slip up” The familiar voice was right at his ear. The surprise caused him to jump and fall on his butt. The imp like laugh made him get up quickly giving Veronica a dirty look.
“What do you mean slip up?” He asked
She smiled. “I mean I knew you’d have to use your powers sooner or later, but I admit I was skeptical at first. I didn’t think you even had powers. Thought my mentor was crazy, which is true but in this particular case I guess she was right…” Veronica trailed off.
“You were in there.” he accused, pointing a quavering finger at her. His mind was still buzzing from the adrenaline.
“Your point” She rolled her eyes. “I don’t have time to explain. I have to get you out of here before anyone comes for you.” She got up and pulled a car shaped charm off her charm bracelet.
“Who?” He watched her toss the charm on the ground then it enlarged to a regular car size. “What the…..” He rubbed his eyes not believing what he just saw. It defied everything he knew about the world, but then again he thought his powers defied logic as well.
“You’ll be briefed later; I’m supposed to be back at my mentor’s by six. This car will take you to your new permanent home.” She popped open the door. “Oh and when it arrives at your place get out of it within ten seconds or you’ll become a trinket.” She jingled her bracelet, and then took another bauble from it and again grew into a regular sized object. This time it was a gun. “If you run into trouble use this.” She handed it to him.
It was really warm he noted. “I always thought your charms were a little odd for a girl.” Ethan said inspecting her bracelet. It had guns, bombs, and various other weapons attached to it.
She laughed. “This is my every day bracelet you should see my battle bracelet.”
If this was her normal bracelet then he hated to see the one she used for battle. Then he wondered what exactly she was battling. What exactly did she need a bracelet full of weapons for?
She leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. “See you later ET.” Then she walked away, her hair bouncing on her shoulders. He watched until she disappeared into the forest. He got into the car entirely made of metal and it drove itself.
The drive was long, and uncomfortable. The metal seats pressed into him making him have to shift positions every now and then, but no one position was any better then the other.
He silently grumbled about how Veronica couldn’t cushion the inside of her jewelry, but he laughed at the thought he was complaining about the furnishings of jewelry. After all he had seen today he was starting to question his sanity as he clutched the gun. He wondered if it could shoot bullets in its small form. There weren’t any real windows in the car so it was completely dark. He tried to stay awake, if he fell asleep and he reached his destination he would be turned into one of Veronica’s literal accessories. So every once and awhile he pinched himself. He was about to just take the risk and go to sleep if he could find a relatively comfortable position. That’s when the car came to a stop. In haste he opened the door and leaped out landing spread eagled on the grass.
“You’re the first to arrive.” He looked up to see a stout lady with bushy sandy brown hair with a hint of grey, smiling at him widely. “Welcome home.

Home, now that was a word he wasn’t used to.
Last edited by PhoenixBishop on Wed Aug 11, 2010 6:04 am, edited 3 times in total.
This is one little planet in one tiny solar system in a galaxy that’s barely out of its diapers. I’m old, Dean. Very old. So I invite you to contemplate how insignificant I find you.

Death~




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no why, i want to read more of it, it is so good, the best thing i have ever read on here, and better then some of the books i have read out of here.
That User Who Changed Their Name A Dozen Times And So No One Ever Knew Who They Were Half the Time and When They Did Only Used Bolt.

The tragic tale of losing all #Brand for nothing in return.

The Take Away Is You Probably Know Me As Bolt




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Hi Again,
I thought this chapter was lovely. You definitely paid more attention to details!

The entire concept of the charm bracelet was very creative. Loved it. And yes, about what shapes they were in. Would it really be logical for a girl to wear bombs and guns on her wrist? Perhaps you could disguise them so that they faintly resembled something else. Like decorate the bomb. A cheerleader as popular as her would not go around wearing bombs on her wrist unless she wanted to ruin her rep and be taken in to see the psychologist.

I loved the description of the car ride. Very descriptive. Good job with that.

I'll let the Grammar Nazi's get all you grammar issues.

Build more character with Ethan. What I know is that:
He's been tossed from home to home because of his power of healing people. (I'm glad you didn't make it seem like he was a celebrity for doing that because in the real world, he'd be taken in by scientists and cut up. So good job keeping it realistic.)

But that's all i know. Give him personality.

That's all. But I do want to read more! You should post the other chapters!

Peace, Love and Sugar Packets~
Forever Threnody
“One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes”
~ The Little Prince~



The person who has no opinion will seldom be wrong.
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