Locked Away

~this has a very bad title, would love a new one~



your words echo in my mind
and in my soul
along with a life’s confusion
it’s just one more thing added to the pile
the nest that is my mind
the battle that is my soul
but will those help to untangle, to fight?
or add another thread and army, bent on killing me?

In the night I see it growing
the dreaded knot and forces unseen
seek to throw me under a tidal wave
of dark thoughts and feelings, to a place
where not even you can breach
although G-d knows you try

It’s a hidden well inside of me
almost always covered by a curtain of
false feelings and the attempt to hide its dark demeanor
from those who wish to harness its power over me in
a foolish attempt to break me

In that secret pit lives all my worst fears
Fears that the person of evil intent would gladly love
to use to hurt and harm my ever so fragile
position on the thin line between saneness and insanity
a line created to control the beast inside and keep
it locked in its place at the bottom of that blasted hole
kept in line by the fears and nightmares

but even monsters need to breathe, to feed
so I allow it to take control only in the deepest part of night
where the scream and tears go unseen by
sightless eyes and deaf ears, so that once
again I’m ensnared within the fears and
nightmares I dread

Its freedom means my imprisonment
to be locked away in that horrible pit
held captive by the fears and nightmares
other created in hopes to control, to harm
the monster that is my other half
the reckless one, the one who seeks pain
the one I fear and admire
everything that I’m not

Nice job! A very emotive piece of work.

"Along with a life's confusion" just doesn't seem to flow right to me, perhaps you can tweak it a bit.

Also, you capitalized the beginning word of several stanzas (2,3,4, and 5, I believe), but you did not do so to the others. I think that in a piece such as this, I would do either one or the other.

I loved "but even monsters need to breathe, to feed..."

Your use of imagery is fantastic throughout the poem! Bravo!

However (a weird idea, but hear me out)....in "the reckless one, the one who seeks pain /
the one I fear and admire" it might be more meaningful to make "The reckless one" and every other mention of "the one" into a title:

"The Reckless One" and "The One".... you are fighting a battle with this hidden part of yourself that has so far not been identified. It's this mysterious monster that you are trying to defeat, that would therefore would be more approachable with a title. Hmm...just an idea, as I said.

Anyways, good job and keep writing! I look forward to reading future posts!

I was slightly thrown off and confused at the beginning of the poem, but then things started to clear up the further in I went. I love how you make the monster slightly human in the second to last stanza. I was able to understand how the narrator felt throughout the duration of the poem. I would suggest just some minor tweaking revisions, but I'll leave that up to you. Good job.

Wow. This was beautiful. I don't know exactly how you did it, but the way you wrote this poem or maybe it is just your style...it all sounded like a whisper and very emotional, too.

The only critique that I have for you is to edit it a little more. The beginning is somewhat unclear and you could use a few more periods.... I can't think of anything else.

Very NICE!

This was a intriguing piece. I like the title. Your poem shows real emotion and longing. It pretty much hits on any level in a persons heart, which will draw the reader in. Excellent. I did not find to many errors, just re-read your work carefully and out loud. Excellent job. *Gold Star*