Yay! I have finally solved my problem of not being able to keep with a story after Chapter 5!! I shall give up on novels and go to short short (this is very short) stories! haha I have prevailed!
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The breeze cycled past my face. Yes, you heard me. The breeze cycled across my face with little wheels as fast as Lance Armstrong himself. I love Lance Armstrong though I hated the wind that day. It hurt. I hate things that hurt me. I hate the people who hurt me.
“Wait up, wouldja?” Austin Boston cried. We were biking. It all started when the phone rang. She usually picks it up herself. This time, She told me to pick the phone up and say hello. However, I didn’t know who I was going to talk to. Uncertainty bounded its chains around my wrists, not allowing me to answer the phone. Mamma gently picked the phone up for me and put it to my ear. My choice was made for me.
“H-Hello?”
“Jason! Wassup, dude?”
Pause. It was Austin. I put on my game face.
“Nothin.” I replied.
“Awesome! You up for a bike ride?” Austin said with his normal enthusiasm. I had said that I loved sports in one of our little meetings. Suck up.
“Maybe. Why?”
“Because that’s what friends do, silly!”
“We’re not friends. You’re my peer counselor.” I said.
“Yeah, but we’re more than that, buddy! You know that, right?” Austin said. That boy will never give up.
“No, I don’t. But I’ll go on the bike ride. We’ll race.” I said. Despite my hatred for Austin and all those other peer counselors who think they can tame me, I love a good race.
“Ok, good. Good work, Jason. Meet me—no, I’ll come to you. I’ll be at your house in 10 minutes.”
“Sure.”
I hung up. When I turned around, She was staring cold right at me.
“Jason Whitewater. Who do you think you are?”
I didn’t get it.
“A guy?” I said with slight sarcasm.
“Answer me, boy. I just heard you make the most ridiculous conversation on the phone.”
Still didn’t get it. Something was different. She walked over to the kitchen counter and placed her hand around my chin.
“Who do you think you are? You sounded so mean to that poor boy that is only trying to help. I’m only trying to help as your foster mother.”
She continued. “Who are you, Jason? Are you a loner? Shy? Scared? Or are you the sweet boy who is caring and kind that I know you are?” She looked at me with the shiniest emerald green eyes. They were glowing; peering straight into my soul, searching for an answer that I didn’t have. No one has really cared who I was until I came here a year ago. Where I was before, I don’t want to discuss if you don’t mind.
“I…I don’t know.”
“Well, after you and that boy go bike riding, I want an answer. Think about it.” She said.
She gave my chin a slight tug and walked away. I was frozen.
Until the door bell rang. I felt the usual pang of guilt because I had yet to have the word “Mother” slip out of my lips. I resort to using the word “She” but I still don’t have a way to call her.
“Austin’s here! I’ll be back.” I said, running towards the door. Mysteriously eager to get out of the house. Go somewhere. Find something.
When I opened the door, Austin was standing there looking exactly the same as he does in our meetings. Nice clothes, plastic smile, automated speech, and notebook in hand, ready to take notes on my social progress.
I said a quick hello and grabbed my bike from the garage. And I was off.
That’s when Austin asked me to wait up. But to tell you the truth, I couldn’t wait up. Within those few seconds of getting my bike, I had made up my mind. I was going to find who I was. Not for Mamma, but for myself. I truly want to know. All my life, I’ve been masquerading myself. Either on purpose or because I had no other choice. But today was going to be different. I was going to pull the mask off and go on the journey of Finding Myself; one mile at a time.
I also like the beginning paragraph. It was some very funny dry humor. When Jason gets off the phone, and his foster mom starts talking to him, that sentence is a little awkward. "She was staring cold right at me," or something like that. I would keep that same description, just word it a little differently so it is not as awkward. I like the symbolism of the bike ride. Although I’m not even sure if you were trying to use symbolism. ☺ Your ending paragraph is extremely strong! It helped to wrap up that chapter and left me thinking about what Jason is going to do. Also, it kept me wanting to read more. I have so many questions as to what will happen, and I cannot wait to read more! Really great job thus far!
I like the plotline for this story, you managed to reveal more about the main charcter without telling the reader directly which was good and the whole piece seemed quite personal- Its a really nice caption of a moment and I love the upbeat ending! Here's a few comments on things I think can be improved: