Who Am I

I am a ghost in this world

I am everywhere where you are

I am always near you but alas,

You do not see, feel, smell or hear me.

I found where darkness and light co exist

I am big where there is darkness

I am small where there is light

I am an outcast everywhere in this hate filled world.

Who Am I? Better Ask What Am I? I Am A

Shadow.

Hey!
I really enjoyed your poem and I think it has great potential! However, there are a few things I would recommend fixing up.

HQBlackArmor wrote:I am everywhere where you are

This line is a bit awkward, but perhaps if you changed it to "I am everywhere that you are," or just get rid of the second "where" it would sound better. That's just my opinion though. : )

Other than that line though I really liked your poem!

-Avery. (:

Hey!
I really like this poem and how you used alas.
I know that sounds random but I absolutly LOVE old English.
Anywoo, you seemed to encorperate all of the aspects of a shadow into the poem, but if you want this to be extra stellar, then I would add some more.
Don't change the lines you have though.
Those are perfect.
But if you give the reader more of an idea of maybe how the narrator feels, or what they expeirience, you're shadow would come to life.
Hopefully that makes sense.
Go ahead and PM me if it doesn't.
Sometimes I can be pretty confusing.
So I know you're new, so go to the Welcome forum and introduce yourself if you haven't already.
So that's about it.

Hey there! I'm tennis, come to critique your lovely piece and give you some suggestions! PM for anything!

I am a ghost in this world



I am everywhere where you are I felt a bit like this needed a period at the end of it but meh, it works either way. It's really up to you.



I am always near you but alas, Great use of the word alas here!:D It was unexpected.



You do not see, feel, smell or hear me.



I found where darkness and light co exist I'm sorry to say that the next three lines here really don't register as well with me. The first one was iffy on the first read but sounds better if you repeat it. i don't have any suggestions but it puzzled me a bit at first. My next two concerns are the use of the words, "big" and "small". As an author and poet, they don't mean much. I know that you know more descriptive words at sixteen. At first putting these down is OK but during the editing process usually, they really need to go.



I am big where there is darkness



I am small where there is light



I am an outcast everywhere in this hate filled world.



Who Am I? Better Ask What Am I? I Am A



Shadow. Nice ending.


So overally, I really like this poem. It gives me an air of mystery to it. I don't think you should add more feelings of the narrator, because I feel that would spoil the mystery. It's great and short as it is, but perhaps some better adjectives could be used.
Looking forward to reading more!
Please contact me if you need anything,

Tennis!
8/10

Hey, LlamaDuck here.
Sorry for this...

I am always near you but alas,

Nice line!

You do not see, feel, smell or hear me.

This felt a bit long

I am big where there is darkness

I am small where there is light

Like it!

Who Am I? Better Ask What Am I? I Am A

Shadow.

Okay a bit confusing to my head maybe it makes sense to others...

Hello and welcome here. I'm Nixie and I shall review this.XD

This was a great piece. I love how it keeps you wondering until the very end. It almost seems like a riddle.

The descriptions you used for shadows were spot-on brilliant. It made a dark atmosphere hover around the poem and at the same time it painted a 'shadow' well.

The only problem I saw as the 2nd to the last line. The who am I, what am I line. This seemed like something out of a comic book to me and honestly it destroys the mood of the poem. Besides that, great job with this.

Keep writing. And good luck.

The disjointed feel really gets me because thats the form I love to use, but this piece just diddnt catch me, especially the messed up spoiler.

Besides that however, the lines diddnt seem very inspired, alot of it kind of generic. I know not every line can be a great work of classical language but I would have liked to have seen just a bit more of an expansion in vocabulary for these.

The feel was good, Very relatable, but like I said earlier it diddnt keep me because it lacked something that I think would have brought it all out of speculation of quality and solidly put it in the forefront of thought.

I would love to see more, keep it up and I hope my comments help.