95% of America

(This poem stems from a saying that my Intermediate Comp prof says when he teaches a grammar rule: "And now you're smarter than 95% of all Americans." Enjoy. --kf)


i know the difference between "who" and "whom".
i know that "criteria" is the plural of "criterion".

i know how it feels to lose a friend
and watch them die.
i know that i don't like many vegetables.
i know that sex isn't all it's cracked up to be.

i know that good movie makes me laugh and cry,
and a good book keeps me up at night,
and good music can be played at any time
in any situation.

i know how it feels to be in love,
and i know how it feels to lose that feeling.
i know how it feels to die inside,
and i know how to find love in spite of it all.

i know that there is no exception to the rule
that every rule has an exception.
i know that grades are bullshit,
and my professors know that grades are bullshit,
but that they matter anyway.

i know that what i've experienced helped create me,
and that i'm happy with who i am,
and that i wouldn't change anything, even if i could,
and because of that,
i am smarter than 95% of America.

Wow.
Haha, I am sorry. But I actually laughed throughout this whole thing.
I think it is pretty amusing, so please don't take it the wrong way.

Not down to some wimpy business:

Okay, well I do not understand the rhyme scheme at all.
But, as we all know, not everyone has to rhyme.

And without the rhyming I do find it great.
I actually think this can be made short, the last two stanzas aren't really needed.

And a few things I would think are offensive.

Ha, but that once again, adds to the humor side of this.

Good poem, a few things here and there.

God job.

hellooo.

first things first, i really did like this it was quite interesting. It was also oso true and oso well written. I liked the theme.
Next i just have a suggestion or twoo:

This may be hypocritical, for I resent capitalization, but why not capitalize the "I"s?

Also, this line-- "i know that good movie makes me laugh and cry," is missing an "a" before "good movie".

Lastlyy.....
"i know how it feels to lose a friend

and watch them die.

i know that i don't like many vegetables.

i know that sex isn't all it's cracked up to be."

....all of your other stanzas seem to have a single theme, but this one has a few. Maybe separate and elaborate.

Well that's all i have to say about that.
Have fun writing =]]

Well, I for one really like this poem.
It kind of reminds me of a much better version of an "I Am" poem. You know, that little think your fourth grade teacher made you write that said things that you liked and didn't like?
But really. Nice job.

I do agree that the second stanza should be simplified into one idea, or expanded into three. And I didn't really appreciate the swearing, but I'm kind of uptight about that kind of stuff anyway.

"i know that there is no exception to the rule
that every rule has an exception."
These lines and the stanzas about love are my favorite.

And I'm glad that you're happy with you and wouldn't change it.

Because of that, you really are smarter than 95% of Americans.

So, you're smarter than 95% of Americans... but you don't capitalize your I's?

That sounded really rude... *blush* Sorry. But I had to say it.

Besides from that, though, this poem's done quite well.

i know the difference between "who" and "whom".
i know that "criteria" is the plural of "criterion".

To me, though I like this stanza, I don't think it fits. The others are mostly more about life lessons, but this is more school-related. It doesn't seem to work with the rest of the poem.

I agree with one of the reviewers above that the stanza below disrupts the flow of the poem because it has no organized theme:

i know how it feels to lose a friend
and watch them die.
i know that i don't like many vegetables.
i know that sex isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Also, speaking of organized themes, I think some stanzas would sound much better together than the place they are in now. For example, the knowing how to lose a friend might sound better next to having been in love. See what I'm saying?

Besides this, I really like this poem. I think it really has a personality. You get character from it in so little words. I really like that aspect of it. I like the overall idea too.

-Holly

Hey there Flem! June here!


Lately, I really like your poetry. The more I read it, the more I appreciate it.

Contrary to what everyone else has said, I really like the way this is written. You're playing with abstract irony here-- and that's great. It's giving a totally different touch to this than normal poetry has.

The contrast comes when you imply that you're smarter than 95% of America, yet you're leaving your I's uncapitalized. That's just brilliant.


Also! I think the stanzas dofit with each other. How they don't fit together is making them fit even more.

I love it, Flem. Gold star. Great job.

June

A breath of fresh air, if not for its poetic style, for the blunt style, the irony, and the honesty.

Not that I don't like its poetic style; it suits the tone and the words.

I like how you start with your grammer facts, then turn to the quote "life lessons" part.

"i know that grades are bullshit,
and my professors know that grades are bullshit,
but that they matter anyway."
Don't use that word. Don't take this the wrong way; I just don't think it belongs in a poem; I think it sounds substandard and shoddy. It's up to you.

I really like the 3rd stanza.

I'd take a second look at the order you put these ideas in. Some of them seemed misplaced, in a stanza with an idea that belonged with a different one. At first I felt like you were progressing from the blunter, the more tangible, solid, physical ideas to the speculative, abstract, conceptual ideas. Then you threw in a couple things that I thought went better closer to the beginning of the poem.
"i know that there is no exception to the rule
that every rule has an exception.
i know that grades are bullshit,
and my professors know that grades are bullshit,
but that they matter anyway." For instance here, I felt as though the last three lines were the ones that belonged towards the opening of the poem, and the first two lines were right where they belonged.

Keep it up Fleming.

You seem like a pretty competent writer and maybe this was done on purpose, but why not capitalize the 'I's? I wasn't too crazy about this whole poem (it seemed a bit ... slapped together...), but the theme was alright and I could see what you were trying to get at and I'll give you points for originality.
Keep writing,
TSM

I like this poem. It is really good and I agree with the grades part. Just saying. Anyway, good job.

I like this poem. I thought it was great apart from the fact you didn't capitalize your I's. My favourite part was this.

Flemzo wrote:i know that what i've experienced helped create me,

and that i'm happy with who i am,

and that i wouldn't change anything, even if i could,

and because of that,

i am smarter than 95% of America.

That is all I really have to say. Keep writing!