Seasons

The smell of pine fills my nose,
my cheeks are as red as a fire engine roaring down the streets.
Yum! The smell of gingerbread alerts my senses,
and the tree stands tall as a soldier dressed up.
Tis' the season of love.
Tis' the season of hope.
Tis' the season of smiles.
Tis' the season of a babe born.
Tis' the Christmas season.
The smell of sunscreen encircles my senses,
the hot, sticky air sticks to me like a roll of tape.
Ahh! The smell of freshly cut grass makes me happy,
and the giggles of kids splashing in cool water makes me happy.
Tis' the season of friends.
Tis' the season of warmth.
Tis' the season of giggles.
Tis' the season of no school.
Tis' the summer season.
Whether the leaves are falling off trees or snowflakes fluttering down,
Tis' the seasons
Tis' the seasons of the world.

i think that the stye of the writing was great but overall the it looks like you just but a bunch of ajictives together about seasons sorry

It was all a bit strange. I think you said "tis" too much, even though you probably did it purposely. This part also sounded odd because you end both lines with happy:

Ahh! The smell of freshly cut grass makes me happy,

and the giggles of kids splashing in cool water makes me happy.

As for positive feedback, I really think you conveyed the spirit of the seasons. I like the part about sunscreen, I could literally smell it on my skin when I read that line. Also, the last line is powerful.

Wow! Great repitition!
This poem is like one I did in English last year about emotions: I'll put it on here sometime.
I love the way you play on the senses: eg "The smell of pine"
Myabe you could arrange it into stanzas next time??

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I really liked this, I think you really captured the essence of the seasons in the poem. Maybe if you had gone on to Autumn and Spring using the same sequence of beats it would of sounded better.

Rhythm: Maybe if you had extended it to include the other seasons beside just winter and summer, and used the same rythm pattern, it would have been better. However, it's a great poem, nonetheless.

Consistency: You were pretty consistent with basically everything but the rhythm, and that was only because it took so long to find the beat at all, and not enough repeats of it for it to stick. And personally, I liked the way you used the word tis the way you did. It made it feel like it had some sort of pattern, to me at least.

Layout: Perhaps if you seperated the poem between "Tis' the Christmas season" and "The smell of sunscreen encircles my senses" it would have made more sense.

Overall: Basically, all that was wrong that I could find was the fact that the rhythm was too long and didn't repeat enough to stick in the head. Maybe try writing another stanza or two?

Meow