The Dreamwalker

Prologue: A Dreamer


A dream was all this should have been. A miraculous, bittersweet, extraordinary dream that gripped so tightly to my heart so much so that I could barely breathe any longer. I was entranced, exuberated, apprehensive, but merely bewildered as his fingers caressed my cheek in the same display of affection I had become to accustomed to and yet this felt complete different. My flesh tingled and covered in small bumps, breath hitching, eyes closing. A feeling that I thought I could never lose myself to was the feeling that coursed through my body making everything somehow disappear.

I may be crazy, some may think a little absurd, but there was one thing I was sure about, and that was the man standing in front of me. A figment so real and so pure I could barely keep my heart from racing, my mind flushing through many different reasons why I myself would never quite be worthy enough. It wasn’t really my fault to think like this, I believe, but merely the truth of the matter. When someone as beautiful, as amazingly stunning as the man before me stood right in your grasp, you’d think of all the things wrong with you that he could easily spot.

But when you least expect it, a smirk crosses his beautiful stunning features, bright royal blue eyes staring down with the intensity of a thousand suns. Your heart cant help put patter like a horse in mid gallop, your body perspiring. I wiped my brow swiftly embarrassed as he continued to stare so intensely, scorching into my very being, and there is nothing in the world I could have possibly done to change that. Then again, for the life I me, I would never change this moment for a million dreams. For a million lifetimes even. The moment I first reached my hand out and felt his jaw line underneath my fingertips. The first time I felt his warm breath against my face… everything about him was so peculiar and yet so mystifying,

It was all so perfect, too perfect. It was always going to be too perfect in that sense. I would not denigrate it but simply accept the truth of the matter. The man before me, even in flesh and blood, was merely just a figment. A creation of my mind… and illusion of my greatest fantasy. There was no world, other then the one created in my head. No strange mishaps or even instances where life didn’t make sense… no it was all the same.

Even though he was smiling down at me, I could not bear to stare much longer as my heart throbbed unwillingly in my chest, the blood pumping so quickly that I felt like I had just run a marathon, or quite possibly suffered from a heart attack. It was easier to look away and pretend this was all really just what it was. That when I closed my eyes he would be gone, but even then he was there awaiting me in the place we first met.

For he was a dream, and I the dreamer.

Hey, Dreamwalker!

The.Dreamwalker wrote:Prologue: A Dreamer


A dream was all this should have been. A miraculous, bittersweet, extraordinary dream that gripped so tightly to my heart [s]so much so[/s] that I could barely breathe [s]any longer[/s]. I was entranced, exuberated, apprehensive, but [s]merely[/s] also bewildered as his fingers caressed my cheek in the same display of affection I had become to accustomed to; and yet this felt completely different. My flesh tingled and [s]covered[/s]b]breaking out[/b] in small bumps, breath hitching, eyes closing. [s]A[/s] The feeling [s]that[/s] I thought I could never lose myself to was the feeling that now coursed through my body, somehow making everything [s]somehow[/s] disappear.

I may be crazy, some [s]may[/s] think a little absurd, but there was one thing I was sure about: [s]and that was[/s] the man standing in front of me.(Is he standing in front of her, stroking her? Because that seems a little awkward. You might just want to say, "the man before me", not specifying what position he is in.) A figment so real and so pure I could barely keep my heart from racing, my mind flushing through many different reasons why I [s]myself[/s] would never quite be worthy enough. It wasn’t really my fault to think like this, I believe, but merely the truth of the matter. When someone as beautiful, as amazingly stunning as the man before me stood right in your grasp, you’d think of all the things wrong with you that he could easily spot.

But when you least expect it, a smirk crosses his [s]beautiful[/s] stunning features, bright, royal blue eyes staring down with the intensity of a thousand suns. Your heart can't help put patter like a horse in mid gallop, your body perspiring. I wiped my brow swiftly, embarrassed as he continued to stare so intensely, scorching (this seems like the wrong word) into my very being, and there is nothing in the world I could have possibly done to change that. Then again, for the life I me, (what does this mean? Is it a typo?) I would never [s]change[/s] trade this moment for a million dreams. For a million lifetimes, even. The moment I first reached my hand out and felt his jaw line underneath my fingertips. The first time I felt his warm breath against my face… everything about him was so peculiar and yet so mystifying.

It was all so perfect, too perfect. It was always going to be too perfect in that sense. I would not denigrate it but simply accept the truth of the matter. The man before me (you've said that three times now), even in flesh and blood, was merely just a figment. A creation of my mind… [s]and[/s] an illusion of my greatest fantasy. There was no world, other then the one created in my head. No strange mishaps or even instances where life didn’t make sense… No, it was all the same.

Even though he was smiling down at me, I could not bear to stare much longer as my heart throbbed unwillingly in my chest, the blood pumping so quickly that I felt like I had just run a marathon, or quite possibly suffered from a heart attack. (Good word choice here.) It was easier to look away and pretend this was all really just what it was. That when I closed my eyes he would be gone, but even then he was there, awaiting me in the place we first met.

For he was a dream, and I the dreamer.

OVERALL: Great ending line, a great story. This is an unloading of confusing and deep emotions, and I enjoyed reading it. It was also somewhat sad because it is just a dream, but I liked to imagine otherwise while reading it. Anyway, there were just a few punctuation nit-picks here, and your words were completely fine. They ran beautifully.

I would suggest watching your sentence length. Some of them can drag on and on, which isn't bad, but yours didn't use commas; they just went on.

Also: when describing the man, try to avoid words like "stunning features" "beautiful" and "perfect". We like to know the man is handsome (to feed the imagination ) but we don't want him to be "perfect" per say. A normal description is adequate.

I liked this a lot. PM me if there's anything else you want me to critique.

~Sunny

Be warned - I nitpick.

A miraculous, bittersweet, extraordinary dream that gripped so tightly to my heart so much so that I could barely breathe any longer. I was entranced, exuberated, apprehensive, but merely bewildered as his fingers caressed my cheek in the same display of affection I had become to accustomed to and yet this felt complete different.

Whoa! Adverb overload! They stifle me. I can barely breathe.
Just kidding. Try not to put so many in a row. It's irritating.
"but merely bewildered" doesn't make sense. You said you were all those stuff, then suddenly decide that you were just bewildered?
The second sentence is too long. Break it up.
Actually, come to think of it, so is the first. A few well-placed commas and periods should clear it up!

My flesh tingled and covered in small bumps, breath hitching, eyes closing.

You might wanna rephrase. Maybe "My flesh tingled at his touch, goosebumps rising on my skin. I hitched my breath and closed my eyes."
Or something like that. I'm not a very good example.

A feeling that I thought I could never lose myself to was the feeling that coursed through my body making everything somehow disappear.

"A feeling I once thought I could never lose myself to coursed through my body, somehow making everything disappear." It's too long.

I may be crazy, some may think a little absurd, but there was one thing I was sure about, and that was the man standing in front of me.

"I may be crazy, perhaps a little absurd, but there was..."

A figment so real and so pure I could barely keep my heart from racing, my mind flushing through many different reasons why I myself would never quite be worthy enough.

I don't know if minds can flush. Scratch the "myself" and "quite".

It wasn’t really my fault to think like this,

Maybe "It wasn't my fault that I thought this," instead?

When someone as beautiful, as amazingly stunning as the man before me stood right in your grasp, you’d think of all the things wrong with you that he could easily spot.

Right in your grasp? Um.. it sounds weird. And try to refrain from using "beautiful" and "amazingly stunning" for men. It makes me think of a guy in a strapless red gown. Eugh.

But when you least expect it, a smirk crosses his beautiful stunning features, bright royal blue eyes staring down with the intensity of a thousand suns.

"crosses his face" sounds better. And put a "his" before the "bright".

Your heart cant help put patter like a horse in mid gallop, your body perspiring.

"can't". "your body perspiring"... I think you should scratch it. It sounds a little disgusting.

I wiped my brow swiftly embarrassed as he continued to stare so intensely, scorching into my very being, and there is nothing in the world I could have possibly done to change that.

Out with the "so"! "There was".

The moment I first reached my hand out and felt his jaw line underneath my fingertips. The first time I felt his warm breath against my face… everything about him was so peculiar and yet so mystifying,

Your comma after "mystifying" and period after "fingertips" should change places. Take out the "yet", it doesn't seem to fit.

Then again, for the life I me,

The life of me, you mean!

A creation of my mind… and illusion of my greatest fantasy.

Replace the ellipse with a period and the "and" with "an".

There was no world, other then the one created in my head.

"Other than".

no it was all the same.

"No, it was all the same."

I liked it somewhat, but it's a little confusing. Maybe it's just me, but some of the things you said, like "I would not denigrate it but simply accept the truth of the matter", don't make much sense to me.

Hope I helped!

Cheers,
Lily.

Yeah, so I decided to read this, just 'cause. (XD) So basically everyone else has picked out the stuff I picked up. A few spelling errors, here and there, but eh... it was good. Better than my story about 'Nostril'.

LaReina!

Here's a small comment From shaelie
Dont make your sentences so long, just cut them back a bit. You use alot of interesting words and such but use simple words as well.
And where it says
"with the intensity of a thousand suns"
even though that is a good way to explain it, I would use something else, perhaps come up with your own quote. A thousand suns is old yes, but still I wouldn't use it.
Otherwise I thought it was great
Keep writing!

Great! Interesting... Sounds kind of like Sundays at Tiffany's or whatever it was... I actually haven't read or seen it but I get the general idea of that story... But, if that's the case, it's most likely something along the lines of that it inspired you, and you thought of an idea from hearing that idea (like a chain-reaction kind of thing... but in your brain) or it would be something like what I'm calling "parallel evolution" (coming up with an idea similar to someone else's without knowing) I'm sure there's another name for it, but hey, we all have our moments of laziness where we're to lazy to look something up, right? Sorry... that didn't have much to do with the story... I can't usually think of much to say, so I just say what comes to mind...

Oh wow.

I got goose bumbs. I could feel the emotions in this. I had to read it twice to make sure I wasn't dreaming. This is beautifully written. Just breath taking.

To the good stuff.
Alrightyy, to be honest I loved this. But I wasn't quite sure if it was a girl or boy whose thoughts were being expressed. I assumed a girl, but I could be wrong. I like how you established a conection without making characters and background. Just by the way you described everything you could feel the passion coming from the screen, you could see and imagine all the things going on.

You could establish feelings and emotions. I really hope you write more, or just a pretty story and send it to me

--Kaylaaa<3

Oh wow.

I got goose bumbs. I could feel the emotions in this. I had to read it twice to make sure I wasn't dreaming. This is beautifully written. Just breath taking.

To the good stuff.
Alrightyy, to be honest I loved this. But I wasn't quite sure if it was a girl or boy whose thoughts were being expressed. I assumed a girl, but I could be wrong. I like how you established a conection without making characters and background. Just by the way you described everything you could feel the passion coming from the screen, you could see and imagine all the things going on.

You could establish feelings and emotions. I really hope you write more, or just a pretty story and send it to me

--Kaylaaa<3

Oh wow.

I got goose bumbs. I could feel the emotions in this. I had to read it twice to make sure I wasn't dreaming. This is beautifully written. Just breath taking.

To the good stuff.
Alrightyy, to be honest I loved this. But I wasn't quite sure if it was a girl or boy whose thoughts were being expressed. I assumed a girl, but I could be wrong. I like how you established a conection without making characters and background. Just by the way you described everything you could feel the passion coming from the screen, you could see and imagine all the things going on.

You could establish feelings and emotions. I really hope you write more, or just a pretty story and send it to me

--Kaylaaa<3

Oh wow.

I got goose bumbs. I could feel the emotions in this. I had to read it twice to make sure I wasn't dreaming. This is beautifully written. Just breath taking.

To the good stuff.
Alrightyy, to be honest I loved this. But I wasn't quite sure if it was a girl or boy whose thoughts were being expressed. I assumed a girl, but I could be wrong. I like how you established a conection without making characters and background. Just by the way you described everything you could feel the passion coming from the screen, you could see and imagine all the things going on.

You could establish feelings and emotions. I really hope you write more, or just a pretty story and send it to me

--Kaylaaa<3

Oh wow.

I got goose bumbs. I could feel the emotions in this. I had to read it twice to make sure I wasn't dreaming. This is beautifully written. Just breath taking.

To the good stuff.
Alrightyy, to be honest I loved this. But I wasn't quite sure if it was a girl or boy whose thoughts were being expressed. I assumed a girl, but I could be wrong. I like how you established a conection without making characters and background. Just by the way you described everything you could feel the passion coming from the screen, you could see and imagine all the things going on.

You could establish feelings and emotions. I really hope you write more, or just a pretty story and send it to me

--Kaylaaa<3

Oh wow.

I got goose bumbs. I could feel the emotions in this. I had to read it twice to make sure I wasn't dreaming. This is beautifully written. Just breath taking.

To the good stuff.
Alrightyy, to be honest I loved this. But I wasn't quite sure if it was a girl or boy whose thoughts were being expressed. I assumed a girl, but I could be wrong. I like how you established a conection without making characters and background. Just by the way you described everything you could feel the passion coming from the screen, you could see and imagine all the things going on.

You could establish feelings and emotions. I really hope you write more, or just a pretty story and send it to me

--Kaylaaa<3