A little time

I'm writing this for a contest, in which you're supposed to write it on a animals point of view. Please tell me how to make what I have written so far, better and more intresting. Thanks!

I woke up to the sound of footsteps. I raised my head, and saw three humans walk in. They smelled..sad.
“So, what kind of dog would you like Ryan?” said the mother.
The child looked around for some time. Then he laid his eyes upon me, he gave out a big grin and then pointed at me.
Then he walked over to me, and patted me on the head.
“Hey!” he said to me.
I liked it when he patted me on the head, I stuck my tongue out, and began to bark.
The kid let out a playful laugh, then he turned towards his mother.
“Mom! I love this puppy. Can we have him?” said the kid.
“Sure dear.” She said smiling.

As soon as they opened the door I zoomed into the kitchen. I got onto my two hind legs (a trick I had learned from my former master) and began to beg.
The kid came in, opened the refrigarator, and then gave me some bacon. Now let me tell you. Nothing, and I mean nothing is better then bacon, after you have been eating scraps, for a whole month. Oh the taste if it in my mouth, so delicious, so good.
“Ryan? Let the dog rest now.” Said the mother.
“Why don’t you go upstairs, and rest yourself too?” said the dad.
“Okay.” Said Ryan, walking upstairs.
Then the mother walked over to me.
“Dear? Do you think we did the right thing?” said the mother.
“Yes. Ryan, has only a month left. The cancer is spreading, and we have to make sure his last few days are happy.” Said the dad.
The mother nodded, then looked me in the eye.
“Our son, Ryan, doesn’t have much time left. We hope you give him happiness.” She said, with sad blue eyes. Then she walked away.
I stared at her back.
“My master? He had only a little time left?” I thought.
“Oh no! No! No! No!” I thought.
Then I made a promise to myself. I would make sure, that these last few weeks for my master, would be happy. The best in his life, and with that I rested my head in my paws, to get a little nap.

This is sounds like a very interesting contest! What you have is quite heart touching. You've laid a good foundation, but I believe you could improve it.

I suggest that you add more meat to your story. Add more narrative to the dogs percpective. This will give the reader a new and interesting insight into a mind of dog. This being new terrritory for the most part, you could do many things with your template.

These few lines of dialogue could easily be turned into paragraphs full of detail. You seem to have a good flow of dialogue. When I first started writing, I focused too much on dialogue and soon my stories began to look like columns of dialogue with no meat on their bones.

Remember, the power of writing is sometimes in the words left unsaid. You must add more to intrigue the reader with thorough discriptions of surroundings and appearance to help visual the scene.

Good luck with your contest! I wish you the best.

Okay thanks!

Could you maybe like give an example???

Of course!

Where you say: "I woke up to the sound of footsteps. I raised my head, and saw three humans walk in. They smelled..sad." You could possibly do something like this:

Slowly I opened my eyes and squinted as the midmorning sun blinded me for a moment. I could hear the sound of footsteps in the distance. People! I stretched and yelped anxiously. (you mention that he's been in the pound-like area for a month so it might be nice to say) It'd been a month since my old owner had dropped me off here and I really wanted a new home. I quickly slurped some water from my dish, making myself presentable and raised my head as three humans walked in. I could tell by their scent that something was wrong. They smelled. . .sad.

I hope that helped! If you every need more advice, just PM me.

Hmm, I really liked it.
Its very different, which is really nice.

To improve it, you probably could've used a bit more detail.
Like, when the boy asked his mom if he could get this specific puppy and she didn't object at first, which is usually a bit odd. You should have the mother hesitate at first, and then have her make sure that's the puppy he really wants.
Also, does the puppy have siblings? I don't remember him feeling sad for leaving his siblings. What about his mom? Usually puppy's feel sad when they leave their family.
And, also, when you cut into the new home, you might want to make that clearer. Instead of saying, "As soon as they opened the door, I ran into the kitchen", you might want to say something about him going into the car, new smells, a new house.
You know, think of a puppy. Everything is new to them.

This story is really good, and you did make it open-ended so you can leave it there if you wanted, or continue it.
If you do continue it, make sure to let me know, yeah?

And if you have any questions about what I said or anything, PM me. =D

I believe that to improve this story you would need to add much more detail. Add more of what the puppy is thinking. I wondered about his emotions, was he sad when he left? Excited? Nervous? You need to give us some more insight into the mind of the puppy.

You have laid a good foundation. The idea is really good. With some improvements you will have a really good story on your hands.

Thanks!
It's for a contest && it can only be on an animal's pov...

Here I changed it up a bit:

I slowly opened my eyes and squinted as the midmorning sun blinded me for a second. I heard the sound of footsteps in the distance. People! I stretched and yelped anxiously. It has been a month since my old owner, had dropped me off here. That too only because he had cats, and he excepted me to treat them nicely! Pshh, me and treating cats nicely? Yeah right, besdies all I really did was bite on of their tails. Anyways I really wanted a new home. I quickly slurped some water from my dish, and pawed my fur, making myself presentable. Then I raised my head as three humans walked in. I could tell by their scent that something was wrong. They smelled. . .sad.
“So, what kind of dog would you like Ryan?” said the mother.
The child looked around for some time. Then he laid his big green eyes upon me, he gave out a big grin, and then pointed at me.
Then he walked over to me, and patted me on the head.
“Hey!” he said to me.
I liked it when he patted me on the head, which made me stick my tongue out, and began to bark.
The kid let out a playful laugh, then he turned towards his mother.
“Mom! I love this puppy. Can we have him?” said the kid.
“Are you sure?” said the mother.
The kid nodded his head, so hard, I was afraid it was going to fall down.
“Okay.” She said giving him a tired smile.

After they had done all the stupid stuff they do, I jumped into their car. Oh, it smelled like burgers. Looks like they had hit McDonald’s before picking me up.
As soon as they opened the door I zoomed into the kitchen. I got onto my two hind legs (a trick I had learned from my former master) and began to beg.
The kid came in, opened the refrigarator, and then gave me some bacon. Now let me tell you. Nothing, and I mean nothing is better then bacon, after you have been eating scraps, for a whole month. Oh the taste if it in my mouth, so delicious, so good.
“Ryan? Let the dog rest now.” Said the mother.
“Why don’t you go upstairs, and rest yourself too?” said the dad.
“Okay.” Said Ryan, walking upstairs.
Then the mother walked over to me.
“Dear? Do you think we did the right thing?” said the mother.
“Yes. Ryan, has only a month left. The cancer is spreading, and we have to make sure his last few days are happy.” Said the dad.
The mother nodded, then looked me in the eye.
“Our son, Ryan, doesn’t have much time left. We hope you give him happiness.” She said, with sad blue eyes. Then she walked away.
I stared at her back.
“My master? He had only a little time left?” I thought.
“Oh no! No! No! No!” I thought.
What would happen to me when he died? Would I be sent back to that dumpy old pound? Ugh, the keeper their smelled like cats! All this thinking is making my brain hurt. I let out a loud yawn, and rested my head in my paws to get a little snooze.

I really like the idea.It's interesting.

My advise would be to treat this dog character like you would any human character.

---Give the dog a personality

---Add some visuals in there, because everything that I am picturing is vague--- like a blurry photograph
if you could focus in a little more I think that would be a nice improvement.
If you don't have a word limit, for example in the sentence 'I stared at her back."
Maybe say " I stared at her back as she disappeared into the family room, her floral dress swaying in sync with her footsteps." (not that exactly, but you get the picture.)

---Try not to overuse words, even simple ones.(I always say this.LOL.because it's something I notice all the time and I don't like)

You used the word 'me' a lot and clumped together to where it's noticeable.If you were to change the sentence structure that would lessen the abuse of the tiny word.

And for the dialogue you always write 'said she'.
It begins to sound a little monontone. said he, said she,said he
Maybe you could mix it up a bit with 'she said' or 'said the mother' 'said mom' 'said the woman sounding tired' ' the boy said enthusiastically' (you get the idea)

Also, I think in some subtle way you should hint at the child being close to dying, instead of just throwing it in there at the end.And making the father and mother sound a little more sad when you finally do tell us about the boy.(and how old is the couple?) They sound like 40 to 50-ish.If they are supposed to be younger, I would make them speak less formally.

And I thought the ending was a little...unexpected,but not in a good way.

In the story it sounded like the puppy was automatically attached to the boy, but when he found out he was dying all he thought about was himself.
If that wasn't intentional, I would tweak it some.

“My master? He had only a little time left?” I thought.
“Oh no! No! No! No!” I thought. --- this is my favorite part.It's cute and puppy-dog like.

I think everyone pretty much covered what I was going to say. I agree with daydreamer9. Maybe you could change the "they smelled...sad" part a little, like daydreamer9 said. Thats all. Good work.

Hey

Nice story. It is an interesting concept writing from an animal's point of view.

I agree with everyone else as well. Have you considered changing it to the present tense? If you do this, it might be easier to beef it up. Lots of description is needed. And i loved the description of the dog eating the bacon. Adds some more things like this and make the reader relate with the dog.

Great job and good luck for the contest.

Double Think