To Lily

To my best friend Lily


That day,
When I told you
how stupid you were,
and I said that
you needed to grow up,
and move on

I didn't really mean it.

I was foolish,
and stupid
and I spoke
before I thought.

I didn't mean it.

And, now, I wish I never breathed a single word

I regretted it,
I really did.
But, I thought
you needed to
hear it


I didn't pick up the phone,
dial your number,
and say the words
that replayed
at the back of my head:

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry

It was my phone that rang.


And your number flashed
on the orange screen.

I ignored it.
I was stupid.
And I went to bed,
hating myself.




It was four a.m.
when it rang again;

I never woke
to the telephone before,
but as it rang, continuous,
besides my bed, I reached for it

and when I saw
your house number,
my heart jumped
and I almost didn't answer

But I did.


And your mother
was screaming
and crying
and asking me why


I tried
to understand her;
My ears wouldn't listen,
Maybe I could have,
If I tried--
but then;

She's dead

The world stopped turning at that moment,

My ears stopped working completely,

My hands couldn't hold the phone anymore;

It fell to the floor.


I was frozen;
the world was silent, but
Your moms voice replayed
in my head.
Over and over and over again


Remember the little ceramic statue
of the two friends in the grass
that played music when you winded it up?
You gave it to me when I was twelve.
I picked that up and I threw it,
sending it across the room
into a million pieces.
I didn't regret it,
because my heart was shattered
into so much more.


I didn't go back to sleep.
My feet walked downstairs,
and out of the front door,
they were bare, and
I walked right down to the creek
and right onto it.

Lily, if the water hadn't frozen,
I would be beneath the surface
right now
trying to wash away
the guilt
and the grief.


I fell asleep on the bank;
I didn't feel the cold.
And when the sun rose,
I awoke in my own bed.


Nobody
understands me now;
and Nobody
can take your place;


I wish you could live,
just
one
more
day,

so that I can tell you,
I'm sorry

and how much you mean to me.
Maybe you would change your mind,
and not end it all so soon;


Lily, if I could tell you one more thing,
It would be that,
I've forgiven you,
and I love you,
and you forever have a spot in my heart.


And even though
we're separated
by life
and death

You're still close to me

maybe closer than you were,

before you ended your life,
with my necklace around your neck.

Oh, my gosh. June!

I'm tearing up! I truly am. This is so beautifully tragic... my heart feels like it has been ripped from my chest! I can't possibly critique this, June. There is no way. I fell in love with the structure; it fell and crashed just like the emotion behind the words.
This was so honest and real, and..*sob*..perfect! This isn't really based on something that happened, is it? That would be too awful for words.
Apparently, you were able to capture the feeling and tone perfectly. Oh! I just can't review this! It's too lovely, and I must go find a tissue.
*Gold star*


*anti-pop

Thanks, pop . It actually is based on something that happened; it's completely true.

June!!! This is really sad. I had a moment of silence... The structure is indeed fabulous Is this based on a true story, or is it fiction? I hope it's fiction.

That... was amazing. I absolutely loved it as a whole, one of the best pieces of poetry I've read in a long time. However, I'm still picky enought that there were a couple of things that bugged me about it. Like when you said this,

"Remember the little ceramic statue

of the two friends in the grass

that played music then you winded it up?

You gave it to me when I was twelve.

I picked that up and I threw it,

sending it across the room

into a million pieces.

I didn't regret it,

because my heart was shattered

into so much more."

One word in that last line just struck me as wrong, I feel like when I read it I automatically switch what you have written as, "much" for "many" . That's just my take on it.

Also, I feel that your using the name Lily doesn't really work the way it was meant to. You only use it twice, both times near the end, and I think that those lines would be more powerfull if you took the name out.

Other than that... I have nothing. That was a wonderful piece. Gold star!

This is true? Oh, I'm so sorry.
That's... tragic. I'm not a huge poetry fan, but this had the ring of truth about it, that was moving.
I can't help you much, as I don't understand the guidelines of poetry, but I must say, it takes a pretty good poem to catch my attention at all.

I hope you'll be okay.

*gold star*

June gets my 100th review!
First off: Gold Star.
June, this was absolutely amazing and I felt every emotion attack me. I didn't know you could write poetry like this!
This really happened?!
June, when I read this my nose started to get that feeling and my throat started to lump! This was absolutly amazing, I'm just sorry you had to go through that.
Wherever Lily is, I'm sure she forgives you.
To be honest June, I cannot find anything wrong with this. My hundreth review was supposed to be amazing and helpful but my mouth just can't find the words to help in any way.
June, this is your best poem ever.
My PM box is open, always.


---Jon---

Oh my gosh, this poem is true!?! I am so sorry. Your poem is beautiful. It is very descriptive and the emotion leaps off the page, well screen. It is very well written, great job. I am so so sorry.

Real poetry should capture you and take you into a deep state of emotion. Never have I felt so compassionate about a character in a poem.

This is an amazing poem, full of the pain and sorrows of life.

I am truly sorry that this really happenend, for these things should only be in fiction, where the pain is two dimensional.

Amazing. I applaud you for taking the pain you felt and making into art. You should be proud of this poem.

I should make a note: don't listen to "Breath" right before I read this. Seriously.

"I know that I can't fight
The fire in your eyes.
I'm going all the way; get away, please.

You take the breath right out of me!
You left a hole where my heart should be."

That sounds like a good idea: try playing this and reading the poem out loud.

Wow, I really loved this. It was so sad and it almost reminded me of a short story I once wrote. Not nearly as wonderful as this poem was. I can't possibly say anything bad about it because it abosolutely wonderful. I feel so horrible that it's true. I can't imagine anything like that happening to me.

Oh, June, this is beautiful. I mean, it's extremely sad and it makes want to go crawl under a rock, but it's beautifully written. Absolutely amazing, and I am so so sorry.
And now I must go use up the last box of tissues. But not before I give this a gold star.

This has a true ring to it. Did this really happen? it was beautiful and I'm certain that every one who had a bestfriend who they may have told that they were stupid before and regretted it could relate. it was sad but beautiful. And i hope that anyone who maybe about to take their life should realize that there is really someone who loves and cares about you. And one other thing- he/she/they didn't mean what they had said.

That was just, like... wow! If that was based on a true story, I am very sorry, seriously. But that poem; so, so, SO amazing. I didn't think someone could actually write like that. If that was real, I am sorry, but keeep writing.

P.S. Great, I started crying.

I think this is one of the only poems...perhaps besides one or two....that actually made me cry...
Its too perfect to really critique.. and everyone already beat me to it...
I'm really awefully sorry that happened to you.
~MidnightVampire
*Gold Star*