The Horizon Awaits

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You knew this day would come,
When I would desire to leave your island,
To venture across the waves,
And discover new lands.
Perhaps, one day,
I will come back,
And I will share the riches of my exploits with you.

Even when I am boarding my ship,
I will spot a golden sliver of land,
Waiting on the horizon.
And when I'm sailing for that distant isle,
Its inhabitants will wave, clap, dance.
Already I can see a fair woman, dressed in white,
Smiling at my arrival.

Our roots are entwined.

Do not be frightened when you see me carrying a sword,
Or when I recruit a crew of soldiers,
Rather, be glad!
It is a turbulent ocean,
And many of the world's peoples are savage.
I must be prepared for anything,
That lies beyond the horizon.

Be prepared for the days,
When I begin to visit you less often,
For I may find another island to my liking,
And your home will no longer be mine to live in.
I will settle in a land many miles away,
But at times you will see my ship on the horizon,
For I will miss you.

I must leave you soon,
But do not cry,
You will see me again.
With the aid you have given me,
I will be safe as I traverse the horizon.
Already I can see a fair queen, her head surrounded with light,
Smiling at my departure.

For her seed stands ready to take her place.
I refuse to acknowledge the existence of this signature.




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Gender Female
Points 6396
Reviews 273
This is wonderful. Like, amazing. I absolutely love your writing. It really resonates with me emotionally.
Anyway, there's nothing here that I can critique except for in the last line. Where it says "seed" did you mean "steed"? It's a little unclear to me, and in all honesty, it's not that strong of a last line. I started reading it, getting wrapped up in the metaphors, but the last line just made me feel empty. You should revise it.
hope this helped.
"You can love someone so much...But you can never love people as much as you can miss them."




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Gender Female
Points 4362
Reviews 263
Hello ^^ I'm Shina and I'll be your reviewer today. Um, well to be honest and to put it bluntly, this was pretty boring. It's probably one of those poems you'd read to give you an image that is so peaceful, you'd get tired and fall asleep. I think you should spice it up a little and keep the reader at the edge of their seats so they'll want to read on. Also, I believe this is more free form than "dramatic poetry". It's not really dramatic, or poetry. It's more free form imagery.
You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself into one.

The writer, when he is also an artist, is someone who admits what others don't dare reveal.



Perfect kindness acts without thinking of kindness.
— Lao Tse