Not All is a bed of Roses chptr.4

*writewatiwant* wrote:Hey, so it has been a while since I posted anything from this story. It was kind of on stand by. So, here is chapter 4. not really sure about this one... Hope you like it! Reviews are welcome!


I was nervous the next day. I was having a hard time choosing what to wear. I was too absorbed in my quest of what to wear, I lost track of time. I missed the bus. I had to ask my older sister to drop me of. In the end I chose black denim jeans and a black long sleeves t-shirt, with, I have to be honest, a pretty big cleavage.
I was shocked by the reaction of the other people. I mean, all I heard all morning was whistles and comments. The guys stared at me and the girls were envious. I can honestly say I liked the feeling. And I enjoyed more that day when the jealousies came in. I haven’t seen him all morning, and then I was at the lockers talking to James, that was extremely close to me (I didn’t pushed him away because: one it would be rude and two we were friends), and he passed by me. His green eyes stared at me, I could see his reaction like a mirror on his face. His mouth open widely, it was like he forgot he was with his friends, and then when he noticed James and his friends started with comments, I could swear I saw an angry look. He pulled his friends away and left.
I was going to meet Rach, but I was late so I took a shortcut, right behind school, where there’s almost no one. Suddenly, when I was turning a corner someone grabbed be. The first thought was a murder or a rapist (I'm very pessimist), and I thought “ Punch in the face, a blow with the knee in the lower parts, then run”. I was scared to hell, and the other person could see that too.
“It’s me. Calm down.” I heard he saying. “Thank God” I thought. I recognise the voice of my “boyfriend” (not really sure at that time what we were).
“You scared the hell out of me!” I complained. When I turned around he was smiling.
“Who you thought it was?”
“ A murder or a rapist.”
“Really? On the school ground? You jumped right to that conclusion?”
“I’m very pessimist, and I was so scared I forgot where I was” I defended myself.
“So I’ve heard. What were you going to do?”
“Hum… fight back?” I asked, not very certain.
“Fight back? Really?”
“ Yes…”
“How about screaming? Or even trying to run?”
“ I was getting there… run had to be after he’d let me go”
He laughed.
“You really are different.” he said, more like to himself. I accepted it like a praise. He looked at me and suddenly got serious again.
“Why are you dressed like that?”
“What?” I asked, confused.
“That” he said gesturing to my shirt. “Oh… That” I thought.
He continued looking at me angry. “Am I that bad?” I asked.
“No, it’s not that you’re bad dressed. You’re beautiful. It’s just…” he seemed to hesitate “I don’t like the way the other guys look at you” I could barely hear it. His voice was down to a murmur. But still I got it. I stopped a little, and giggled.
“How do they look at me?” I asked. I was really provoking him. And worst, I was liking it.
“It’s like you’re just some girl that they want to go for a “ride” with”
Oh… So he was jealous. I kind of felt… happy. I mean, the situation was hilarious. The school prince was jealous of the stupid guys in school, that glimpsed some stares at his secret girlfriend. Pretty like fiction. I giggled again. This time he noticed. He gave a sarcastic giggle, as if for him the situation wasn’t at all funny.
“Really? That’s why? You’re jealous?” His expression was memorable “Seriously?”
“Why are you so surprised?”
“ You… jealous… Do you even think any of those guys would give it a second thought?”
“ No, if they new you’re mine”
“ Oh, so now we’re being possessive”
He laughed. I’m funny, I know. And not modest at all. I’m kidding. We played like little children. His arms around my waist and my back against his. Such a romantic position and I as able to screw the moment. I sneezed. There’s nothing better than someone sneezing close to you. It’s an instantly turn off. I only had noticed then, but my throat hurt. “Oh no! A cold! Come on, God are you freaking kidding me? Now that I get a boyfriend you won’t let me kiss him? And you still ask why I don’t go to church” I thought. That seemed to cross his mind too. The next moves surprised. After all I’m not used to people to be nice to me. He hugged me and threw me his coat.
“Wear it. You won’t catch a cold that way”
A quick kiss goodbye, and before I could say anything, he wasn’t around anymore. “Oh, so sweet! I bet he didn’t do that to Ashley! Take that!” I thought, smiling to myself.
Only at lunch break I realized the chaos that was going on. It seemed that every girl at school, waited one day to confirm Ashley and Ethan’s break up. After that, they practically suffocate him, asking question like “Have you consider a new girlfriend?” or “Please go out with me!” the most brave ones would say. But in the end, I was the only one with his glance and I would be the one who would get to kiss him later. It delighted me. Until a brave girl passed lunch talking to him, after he rejected half school, and he, surprisingly, did not back her off. My cheeks got red, angry I was. Jealous is the better word I think. In that precise moment, he looked at me. A few tables away, our eyes met and he saw my feelings as I’ve seen his a few hours before. It would seem God had decided it would be jealousies day.
Well you think, “Hey, her boyfriend has the whole school after him. It can’t get worse”. But it did.
That girl, I found out her name was Jennifer. Uh, I hate Jennifer’s (well I didn’t but I started after the incident). I must say, she was the bravest. I mean, in one morning Ethan had turned down about thirty girls. And after that she was the only one brave enough to even try. And worst, she was getting what she wanted.
Ethan seemed happy every time he saw my face. I got really frustrated, until I got his point. He was teasing me. My own boyfriend teasing me. “Bring it on” I thought. The first thing I did, was to go to my locker and then take off his coat. Let the guys see what I have to show. After that, I got the attention. I went back to the cafeteria. “Now he’s going to see it”. I walked slowly in, and whispers I started hearing.
“Oh… What a shame. My friends left. Now were am I going to sit?”
I said it in a voice loud enough for him to turn his eyes to me. About ten guys offered a seat. I choose the most handsome one. Blond guy with green eyes.
I turned my head to Ethan. I saw him about to smash his glass with his bare hands. I blinked my eye and turned again to the blond guy. I pretended happy and talked a bit. Ethan kept staring at me, still holding the glass with strength. Then someone in the table told a joke, and I laughed and leaned towards the blond.
That was it. This time he broke the glass. I said goodbye stood up and went out. Then as the other girl, Jennifer saw she was losing territory she stood up and kissed him. A kiss in the middle of the cafeteria with Ethan. I didn’t say a word I just stormed out. He followed me. His hand was bleeding. I ran to the infirmary. It would be the only way to get him in there, anyway. I would be upset after that big cut was disinfected and then, as we were already in the infirmary I would make him a bigger cut.
“Hey, Kate! Wait!” He was running after me. I was close. “Got to be quick, either way he’ll catch me” I said to myself. My legs obeyed to my order and ran a little faster. Soon, I was at the door, with him approaching quickly.
I, knowing him as I did, he would only cross that door in exchange for something. He hated anything to do with hospitals and doctors. Like everyone else.
“If you let someone treat that cut, I’ll talk to you” Simple as that, Worked as a charm. We entered in silence. It was empty. How can a school infirmary be empty?
Oh yea, it’s lunch time and the school is running short on the staff. I saw a pamphlet about it. It said to go to the health centre that’s near school, and that if we miss any class it will be justify with a declaration from the doctor. I looked around. There was some gauze, disinfectant and some other stuff. I think I can make it work.
“Sit down.” I ordered without taking a glimpse at him. He stood there, not making a single move. “Do it.” I ordered again, this time my voice was colder than ice. He finally sit. I disinfected it, without looking at his face, and finished cleaning up the wound with a sad expression. Incredibly, I was more sad than angry.
He started to open his mouth, and while he considered what to say, I quickly lied.
“It’s okay. I’m not mad. You didn’t do anything…” My voice got weaker by the time a single tear rolled by my cheek.
“I’m sorry…” he whispered. I nodded, while he guaranteed me there wasn’t going to be any other think like this. I nodded again, knowing those girls would never lose hope. They would continue pursuing him. “Just live with it” I ordered myself. I definitely did not want to lose him, that’s not even an option.
This relationship was going to be good. I mean it was like the second day and it was already in problems. Thank god it wasn’t anything that serious. But the worst has yet to come…

I was too absorbed in my quest of what to wear, I lost track of time.

I had to ask my older sister to drop me of.

“ Punch in the face, a blow with the knee in the lower parts, then run”.

“I’m very pessimist, and I was so scared I forgot where I was” I defended myself.

I stopped a little, and giggled.

Uh, I hate Jennifer’s (well I didn’t but I started after the incident).

I blinked my eye and turned again to the blond guy.

I pretended happy and talked a bit.

Then someone in the table told a joke, and I laughed and leaned towards the blond.

I, knowing him as I did, he would only cross that door in exchange for something.

He finally sit.

My voice got weaker by the time a single tear rolled by my cheek.

[color=redI[/color] was nervous the next day. I was having a hard time choosing what to wear. I was too absorbed in my quest of what to wear that I lost track of time. I missed the bus. I had to ask my older sister to drop me off. In the end I chose black denim jeans and a black long sleeves t-shirt, with, I have to be honest, a pretty big cleavage.

Most of your sentences start with "I" in this first paragraph, and they were very choppy. Here's my rewrite:

I was nervous the next day. I was having a hard time choosing what to wear, and, too absorbed in my fashion quest, I lost track of the time and missed the bus. In the end I threw on back denim jeans and a long-sleeved black t-shirt that, well, there's no other way to say it: it showed off my cleavage pretty well. My older sister agreed to drop me off at the school so I didn't have to walk.

I was shocked by the reaction of the other people. I mean, all I heard all morning was whistles and comments. The guys stared at me and the girls were envious. [s]I can[/s] Honestly say I liked the feeling. [s]And I enjoyed more that day when the jealousies came in.[/s]

NP>>I haven’t seen Ethan all morning; and then, when I was at the lockers talking to James, [s]that[/s] who was extremely close to me [s](I didn’t pushed him away because: one it would be rude and two we were friends), and[s] he passed by me. His green eyes stared [s]at me[/s] . I could see his reaction like a mirror on his face. His mouth open widely, [s]it was[/s] like he forgot he was with his friends, and then when he noticed James, [s]and[/s] his friends started with comments, I could swear I saw an angry look. He pulled his friends away and left.

I was going to meet Rach, but I was late so I took a shortcut, right behind school, where there’s almost no one. Suddenly, when I was turning a corner someone grabbed be. The first thought was a murder or a rapist (I'm very pessimist**), and I thought Punch in the face, a blow with the knee in the lower parts, then run.* I was scared to hell, and the other person could see that too.
“It’s me. Calm down.” I heard he saying. Thank God I thought. I recognized the voice of my “boyfriend” (not really sure at that time what we were).

*I think you mean "paranoid". "Pessimist" does not work here.

** Very Twilight-ish. Besides, if it were really as "suddenly" as you put, she wouldn't have time to think about kicking his crotch. She's probably gasp or scream, but not think - in the half second she was given - "Oh, yeah, being grabbed by someone. Hm, what was it my mom told me to do?" and then act.

“You scared the hell out of me, Ethan!” I complained. When I turned around he was smiling.
“Who you thought it was?”
“ A murder or a rapist.”
“Really?" He sounded surprised and amused. "On the school ground? You jumped right to that conclusion?”
“I’m [s]very pessimist[/s] paranoid, and I was so scared I forgot where I was,” I defended myself.
“So I’ve heard. What were you going to do?”
(“Hum… fight back?” I asked, not very certain.
“Fight back? Really?”
“ Yes…”
“How about screaming? Or even trying to run?”
“ I was getting there… run had to be after he’d let me go”
He laughed.)

Red parenthesis: Another Twilight moment. You know, when Ed asks Bella what she was going to do if the creeps had caught her? I would just cut this whole conversation. It is cute, but it is not very original.

“You really are different.” Ethan said, more like to himself. I accepted it like a praise. He looked at me and suddenly got serious again.
“Why are you dressed like that?”
“What?” I asked, confused.
“That” he said gesturing to my shirt. Oh… that I thought.
He continued looking at me angry. “[s]Am I[/s] Is it that bad?” I asked.
“No, it’s not that you’re bad dressed. You’re beautiful. It’s just…” he [s]seemed to[/s] hesitateed and said, “I don’t like the way the other guys look at you” I could barely hear it. His voice was down to a murmur. But still I got it.
“How do they look at me?” I asked. I was really provoking him. And worst, I was liking it.
“It’s like you’re just some girl that they want to go for a “ride” with”
Oh… So he was jealous. I kind of felt… happy. I mean, the situation was hilarious. The school prince was jealous of the stupid guys in school, that glimpsed some stares at his secret girlfriend. Pretty like fiction. I giggled again. This time he noticed. He gave a sarcastic giggle*, as if for him the situation wasn’t at all funny.

*I don't like it when guys giggle. How about "chuckle" or "snorted" or something more manly?

“Really? That’s why? You’re jealous?” His expression was memorable. “Seriously?”
“Why are you so surprised?”
“ You… jealous… Do you even think any of those guys would give it a second thought?”
“ [s]No,[/s] Not if they new you’re mine”
“ Oh, so now we’re being possessive.'

He laughed. I’m funny, I know. And not modest at all. I’m kidding.

NP>> We played like little children. His arms around my waist and my back against his. Such a romantic position and I as able to screw the moment.

NP>> I sneezed. Just to add emphasis.

NP>> There’s nothing better than someone sneezing close to you. It’s an instantly turn off. I only had noticed then, but my throat hurt. Oh no! A cold! Come on, God are you freaking kidding me? Now that I get a boyfriend you won’t let me kiss him? And you still ask why I don’t go to church?* I thought. That seemed to cross his mind too. The next moves surprised. After all I’m not used to people to be nice to me. He hugged me and threw me his coat.

*I added italics to this thought and took out the "", just in case you didn't know. I can be confusing.

“Wear it. You won’t catch a cold that way” Aw . . . cute. I like this a lot.

A quick kiss goodbye, and before I could say anything, he wasn’t around anymore. Oh, so sweet! I bet he didn’t do that to Ashley! Take that! I thought, smiling to myself.