Wounded. 2

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Once again, short chapter. Chapter three is longer though and then after chapter three or four they're a steady two - three pages on word. If I were to combine chapter two and three it'd just be one big mess. haha Thanks for all the previous reviews, I really do appreciate them! (:


Chapter Two.

“Are you actually up?” Nichole heard a few seconds after she opened her eyes. She squinted them shut until they were finally able to let the bright, morning light flow in before sitting up to stretch. Her ribs ached but it wasn’t anything she couldn’t bare.

“Excuse me?” Nichole looked over at the young boy in a pair of slim, tight fitted jeans and a buttoned up shirt overtop a black shirt.

“I said are you actually up.” He blankly repeated. The boy was indeed a boy of some sort. He looked mature but not yet a man… a teenager. He had a very bony face, a strong structure to it. He had thick, black hair that stuck out in all directions as if he placed it there, all of it going into the same direction though. The ends of his hair framed his pale face and shadows mixed with a smoky makeup surrounded his evergreen eyes. A round ring went through the right side of his lip and just visible was a right eyebrow piercing.

“What do you mean?” Nichole asked, “Is there something wrong?” She sat up on her elbows.
“Other than you waking up and going back to sleep - giving everyone a false alarm of your wakening - no.” He rudely snapped back, flipping through a few papers before sitting down on a chair next to her, his face expressionless.

“I’m sorry - did I do something to you?” Nichole was offended by his rude remarks. She just woke up and the last thing she remembered were doctors informing her that her mother and her were in a car accident and her mother was in a coma.

“No.”

“Where is Dr. Michaels?” Nichole asked, crossing her arms. She had enough with his bland answers and rude comments. He was just a stubborn boy who obviously had a conflict with the world but decided best to take it out on her.

“My step father is busy with another client - I’ve been sent to watch over you.“ He relaxed, removing the dress shirt. “He made this my job ever since he became my dad.”

“Oh.” Nichole responded, pushing her hair back. As she did, she realized how long it had been since her hair has been washed. “Well, I don’t want to be a bother…”

“Too late.” He butted in, mumbling. Seth had a smirk on his face as if he knew it would bother her. Nichole took a deep, frustrating sigh.

“What is your name?” She asked, trying to keep her calm.

“Seth.”

“I’m sorry to be bothering you, Seth, with being in a non-fault car accident and having to stay in a hospital to recover, but do you think it would be okay for me to take a shower?” Nichole snapped. Seth simply got up and walked out, closing the glass door behind him.

Nichole sighed and tried to ease her way out of the bed without hurting her ribs. Her legs felt dead and useless from laying down for so long without any movement, but as she worked out the kinks she found her way to the small, convenient bathroom and turned on the shower.

She laced her fingers through her wavy red hair, closing her eyes at how good it felt to be getting all the grease off her body. She thought about the accident, but she vaguely remembered anything after screaming her moms name nor does she want to remember. She doesn’t want any memory of the horrible tragedy.
Nichole stepped out of the steamy shower, wrapping one of the pre-folded towels around her 120lb body. She looked in the mirror and felt healthy and fine except for all the marks from where needles and I.V.’s have been. There was a small mark above her thing, arched right eyebrow and a few on the cheek bone below her left, blue eye. A knock came to the door and she opened it to the pretty nurse who saw her awake just that morning.

“What are you doing out of bed?!” She screeched, rushing Nichole into a new hospital gown and pushing her into the bed. She hooked up the heart rate monitor and IV before leaving the room. “Someone will be in shortly to check up on you.” Nichole wanted to request not having Seth back but of course, it was too late. He walked through the door, rubbing his black hair.
A little less inhuman.
A little more brutal.
Let the blood be your drug.




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Heyy daytripper - I'm here and making sure I'm up to date with your reviews =D. Let's start this thang...

day tripper wrote:Once again, short chapter[that's good otherwise I wouldn't have been able to review it - working on a limited timescale here, so I may be a bit abrupt =P ]. Chapter three is longer though and then after chapter three or four they're a steady two - three pages on word. If I were to combine chapter two and three it'd just be one big mess. haha Thanks for all the previous reviews, I really do appreciate them![That's okay :wink: hehe] (:


Chapter Two.

“Are you actually up?” Nichole heard [describe voice] a few seconds after she opened her eyes. She squinted them shut until they were finally able to let the bright, morning light flow in before sitting up to stretch [great sentence, but a little longer; could you try cutting it up into 2 sentences instead?]. Her ribs ached but it wasn’t anything she couldn’t bare.

“Excuse me?” Nichole looked over at the young boy in a pair of slim, tight fitted jeans and a buttoned up shirt overtop a black shirt.[Now, where is she - if she's in a (or her?) bedroom, is the boy laying down next to her, looking over at her, standing in the doorway... you catch my drift (: ]

“I said are you actually up.[replace with comma]he blankly repeated. The boy was indeed a boy of some sort [I would cut this, as you said it was a boy from the start - there wasn't any doubt, so this sounds unnecessary]. He looked mature but not yet a man… a teenager.[maybe you could have that as a question mark, that is if you're MC is questioning whether he is a teenager, or if she's just stating it, then ignore me =P ] He had a very bony face,[delete comma] with a strong structure to it. He had thick, black hair that stuck out in all directions as if he placed it there, all of it going into the same direction though [this last bit doesn't make sense - try rephrasing]. The ends of his hair framed his pale face[comma] and shadows mixed with a smoky makeup surrounded his evergreen eyes. A round ring went through the right side of his lip and just visible was a right eyebrow piercing.[Amazing imagery here daytripper - great stuff!! =D ]

“What do you mean?” Nichole asked, “Is there something wrong?” She sat up on her elbows.[Thoughts/emotions...]
“Other than you waking up and going back to sleep - giving everyone a false alarm of your wakening - no.” He rudely snapped back, flipping through a few papers before sitting down on a chair next to her, his face expressionless. [I'm lost - what has the MC done to him that's upsetting him and where are they - you need to try and make this a little clearer]

“I’m sorry - did I do something to you?” Nichole was offended by his rude remarks. She just woke up and the last thing she remembered were doctors informing her that her mother and herself were in a car accident and her mother was in a coma.

“No.”

“Where is Dr. Michaels?” Nichole asked, crossing her arms. She had enough with his bland answers and rude comments. He was just a stubborn boy who obviously had a conflict with the world but decided best to take it out on her. [Is she not wondering who he is and why he's there - I would if I were your MC]

“My step father is busy with another client - I’ve been sent to watch over you.“ He relaxed, removing the dress shirt. “He made this my job ever since he became my dad.”

“Oh.[replace with comma]” Nichole responded, pushing her hair back. As she did, she realized how long it had been since her hair has been washed. “Well, I don’t want to be a bother…”

“Too late.[replace with comma]” He butted in, mumbling. Seth [when do we find out his name is Seth?] had a smirk on his face as if he knew it would bother her. Nichole took a deep, frustrated sigh.

“What is your name?” she asked, trying to keep [s]her[/s] calm.

“Seth.”

“I’m sorry to be bothering you, Seth, with being in a non-fault car accident and having to stay in a hospital to recover, but do you think it would be okay for me to take a shower?” Nichole snapped. Seth simply got up and walked out, closing the glass door behind him.

Nichole sighed and tried to ease her way out of the bed without hurting her ribs. Her legs felt dead and useless from laying down for so long without any movement, but as she worked out the kinks she found her way to the small, convenient bathroom and turned on the shower.

She laced her fingers through her wavy red hair, closing her eyes at how good it felt to be getting all the grease off her body. She thought about the accident, but she vaguely remembered anything after screaming her mom[apostrophe]s name nor [s]does[/s] did she want to remember. She didn’t want any memory of the horrible tragedy.

Nichole stepped out of the steamy shower, wrapping one of the pre-folded towels around her 120lb body. She looked in the mirror and felt healthy and fine except for all the marks from where the needles and I.V.’s had been. There was a small mark above her thing [do you mean thigh?], arched right eyebrow and a few on the cheek bone below her left, blue eye. A knock came to the door and she opened it to see the pretty nurse who saw her awake just that morning.

“What are you doing out of bed?!” she screeched, rushing Nichole into a new hospital gown and pushing her into the bed. She hooked up the heart rate monitor and IV before leaving the room. “Someone will be in shortly to check up on you.”

[NP>>]Nichole wanted to request not having Seth back but of course, it was too late. He walked through the door, rubbing his black hair.


Overall Thoughts
This was a good chapter daytripper - I'm thinking that some kind of romance may go on between Seth and your MC?? Hmm.... Can't wait for more!! =D

Hope this helped you out and keep writing!!
--Lucyy xx
"Don't think, or judge. Just Listen."



Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
— George Burns