Friends

Friends are people you can fall back on.
They never judge you.
They listen.
They give you great advice.
Friends are people who like you for who you are
Not who you try to be.
Friends see past the mask you wear to cover up your fears.
They see right through you
Friends know when you are lying.
They are people you trust with your life.
They lift you up when you’re down.
They make you laugh after you have had the worst day of your life.
Friends won’t leave
No matter what happens.
They will stick by your side forever.
That friend is you.

Hey there Just_Listen! Kat's here and I'm gonna review this for you. First, welcome to YWS! you'll have great joy here (or sadness, it depends if you're good or bad).
Second, here on YWS we have a 2:1 policy. That means that before you post any of your work, you have to do two reviews on other people works. Which you didn't.
So, on to the review!
I must say this poem isn't very good. it's empty on feeling. you've just wrote a list of what a friend is. Some times that works, but on this one it doesn't. You should write about what you feel when you have a friend like that or something.
This could have a good flow if the length of the lines weren't so incoherent. You passe from a long on to a short one to another long one. That doesn't work. In a poem it's good to keep a certain flow.
This lacks in imagery. As you don't say how you feel, you can't make the reader feel it.
Rhyming isn't obligated to exist on a poem, but it makes it more fun to read. There are some good points, but they need to be polished up!
the end is confusing. I assume your directing this a certain person, and not to a general crowd. Am I right? If not you have to change the ending. It becomes confusing, because on the rest of the poem you're directing the words to a general crowd, and in the end you direct it to somebody else. maybe make that a little more clear, along the poem?
That's all i have to say. Hope I helped!

*Kat*

Hey Just_Listen,

welcome to YWS! Glad to see you found your way here. I'm sure the site will help you improve your writing and you probably have some great advice to share as well. Reviewing benefits the community, plus a lot of people will want to look at something of yours, if you give them a good review.

On to my actual review of your poem though.

You picked a lovely theme to be writing about. Friendship has so many facets and there are so many unique friendships, that it doesn't easily get boring.

I also like the general idea you of first describing the friendship you share and then revealing that "That friend is you."

However there are some general things about this:

1) Even though you're writing about a special friend and therefore a unique friendship you don't really bring up any unique aspects. You write about the general idea one has of a friend, but don't give us much more than a list of things that define friendship in general for you.

But what is it that moves you about this particular friendship so much that you want to sit down and write a poem about it? What are those little things that make you happy and thankful for having such a friend? Are there difficulties despite which you two stick together? What's the beautiful and unique thing about your friend? What are your feelings?

2) There's a general guideline to writing just about anything and it's especially vital to poetry it's called: Show don't tell.

Basically it asks you to give your reader concrete examples and images to figure out what in this case your friend is like and why your friendship is important enough for you to write about and especially for your reader to read and care about. Let them figure it out and see it rather than just telling them and making statements.

So instead of giving us a list of things you would say make up a friendship describe what it's like to be friends with this person and show us why exactly the friendship's so special and important.

For example shoe us how your friend is a person you can fall back on. What's the story in that line? When did s/he catch you? What did you do for each other? Tell the story, paint with the words, express your feelings! (Go play! )


I suggest you write another version of this or another poem on this topic and try all that out. =) I think you could write a really good poem about this friendship.

Hope this was some help, keep writing!

~Kalliope

P.S. I know there's a difference between you and the speaker, but I'm too lazy to keep writing "the speaker", so I just wrote "you", hope that's okay.

P.P.S. If you have any questions concerning my review, need help around the site or post another poem about this topic and would like another review don't hesitate to PM me. =)