Chapter 3- Brave
I didn’t hear the voice for the rest of the day. Maybe I had been imagining it after all. It wouldn’t be the first time I had imagined things before.
I sat in class, listening to Ms. Rogan talk about global warming. Beside me, Tayla was throwing flirtatious glances across the room to Jason, who was smiling cockily back at her, a smug look upon his face. Ugh… boys. When would she get over them? I thought to myself as she received an air kiss from him. I rolled my eyes and turned to Georgia.
I would like to say that Georgia is very quite when it comes to class, but I’m afraid that she is extremely loud. If she finds something funny, she doesn’t hide it. She laughs a lot, throwing her head back. You always find a smile on Georgia’s pale face, stretching all way past her blue eyes, and sending a red tinge through her cheeks that rarely leaves. She likes to keep up with the gossip, especially boys, but she did have a serious side. A side that we only see if it is a serious situation.
“What’s the time?” I whispered. Georgia checked the time, flicking back her ginger fringe out of her eyes.
“Twenty to three,” she muttered back.
“Georgia! Maddison! Pay attention! I am talking about a very serious situation and it involves everyone in this classroom. Now listen!” Ms. Rogan yelled angrily. We both looked up at her, stunned expressions planted upon our faces.
“Maddi was just-” Georgia started, but Ms. Rogan held up a rough hand.
“I don’t care. Now, if you continue talking I will send to the office,” Ms. Rogan threatened.
I would like to say that it was a threat, but we didn’t mind the office so much. Of course, we weren’t regular visitors there, but for the very few occasions we had been sent there, we had simply been warned that talking during class was not tolerated. Mr. Sampson didn’t like to punish us for such a minor thing like that, so we would get off easily.
Georgia sighed and shook her head, staring down at the blank pages of her book. I swear I heard someone snigger, but when I looked to see who the culprit was, everyone else was staring at the whiteboard where Ms. Rogan had drawn a large picture of the world. Imagining again; though perhaps it was one of the boys. They tended to find it funny when one of us girls got sent to the office. It’s not like they can talk anyway. They are the most regular visitors there. I’m sure the principal must have nice chats to them while they are there. They are probably best buddies with them. I sniggered at this, lucky that Ms. Rogan hadn’t been watching me or else I would have been sent.
The last twenty minutes of class seemed to drag on and on. I found myself doodling on the cover of my book, drawing little stars and such. I’m not much of an artist, but I do like drawing stars.
I remembered that I had promised Hayley that I would help her with the preparations for Georgia’s surprise birthday party. I also remembered I had promised Jeanne that I would look after Grace. Dammit, that meant she would have to come with us. Great! Just what I need; a seven year old to look after while I’m with my friends. There goes my afternoon. I quickly wrote a note to Hayley reminding her that we would have to pick Grace up from school on the way to her house and then passed to Georgia. Georgia frowned at it and I motioned for her to keep passing it along.
“Maddison!” Ms. Rogan’s bold voice called. Caught in the act. I looked up at her guiltily to see that she had a small green piece of paper in her hand. I looked to her side where a small boy was standing, looking terrified.
“The principal wants to see you in his office, immediately,” Ms. Rogan read. I frowned at then looked at Georgia. Her ginger, almost blonde eyebrows were pulled together as well. She shrugged her shoulders. I grabbed my books and shoved them into my old bag and then stood up, pushing my chair back with my foot. Every eye was on me, wondering if I was in trouble or not. I quickly exited the room, wanting everyone to stop staring in wonder at me. It reminded me of the day I came back to school after the accident. Nobody had stopped staring at me until I was safely inside Jeanne’s car and even then, they still stared at the car as we drove down the road.
I noticed the little boy at my side, almost jogging to keep up with my long strides. I looked down at him. He too was staring at me, but with something different upon his face; awe. His round, glassy green eyes were wide as he stared at me. I guessed he was in grade eight, considering that he barely came up to my chest.
“You’re the girl who saw that boy die, aren’t you?” he asked.
“How do you know that?” I asked.
“Tayla told me. I’m her younger brother, Dalton,” he introduced.
“Oh, right. I guess she would have told you, huh?” I sneered, not surprised by this.
“Yes, but it’s not just that. Everyone was talking about it and it was in the papers and everything too,” Dalton said. I was sure that if he stretched his eyes any wider, the large freckles covering his face would begin to get larger as they stretched.
“Well, I guess that’s what happens when you live in a small town, isn’t it? But I’m not a hero,” I said.
“All my friends think you are,” Dalton said.
“How can I be a hero if I didn’t save Kalaen? He’s dead. I’m not a hero,” I argued angrily.
“No, but you saw it all happen. It takes a lot of bravery and courage to do that and still be okay. I mean, how many people see someone actually die?” Dalton asked.
“Don’t you have a class to go to, Dalton?” I asked, trying to get him to go away as we reached the office door. He sighed and nodded then darted away, running down the cement steps and disappearing around the side of the building. I took a deep breathe and exhaled before pulling open the door and walking through into the warm room.
The sweet smell of flowers filled my nostrils as I looked around. The familiar face of the administrator smiled at me. I smiled back and then a cheerful face peered around the corner.
“Maddison,” Mr. Sampson called in his booming voice. I forced a smile, still a little angry at Dalton for bugging me about the accident. “Come on through.”
I followed Mr. Sampson through to his office where he closed the wooden doors and offered me one of the comfortable chairs. I sat down in one of them, perching on the end and sitting upright.
“You wanted to see me, Sir,” I asked as an assumption.
“You aren’t in trouble, Maddi,” Mr. Sampson said. He scratched his bald head and then sat down on his high backed chair. “How are you?”
“Good.”
“I mean to say, how are you feeling? Are you coping alright since the accident?” Mr. Sampson asked, staring at me through kind black eyes.
“I’m fine. You know me, sir; I’m trying not to dwell on it,” I lied convincingly.
“No one’s giving you any grief?” Mr. Sampson asked. I had to laugh at this one.
“Well, Dalton was asking me about it when he walked me here. He said I was a hero, but I say I’m not. I didn’t help save Kalaen,” I said.
“You are a hero, Maddi. You are brave. You’ve been through a lot, especially the accident,” Mr. Sampson said softly.
“Is that what you think a hero is?” I sneered. “Someone who doesn’t cry when they see one of their fellow class mates die isn’t a hero. That’s just being cold-hearted.”
“No, Maddi. You are brave enough to overcome the feeling that others go through; the urge to cry. You may not have known him too well, but a lot of people cry when they see someone they know die. But you haven’t, that I know off,” Mr. Sampson defended. I shook my head, disagreeing.
“Is this the reason you wanted to see me? To tell me I’m a hero for not crying?”
“No, actually. I have to ask you for something; a favor which I don’t know if you’ll be able to accomplish too easily. I know it’s a little early, but I wanted to give you a lot of time so you can think and get it perfect,” Mr. Sampson said. He stood up and began pacing backwards and forwards in front of his desk.
“Well, what is it?” I asked. He paused and then continued pacing.
“As you know, at the end of each year, we have the awards night and we look back over the year. Over the past few years, we have had guest speakers come in to talk. But this year, I wanted to do something a little different and I was wondering if you would like to do it.
With the recent… loss of a student, I feel the need to commemorate his efforts, to let everyone know how hard he worked in school. I think you would be the best person to do that,” Mr. Sampson said. I stood up and walked over to the window, peering out at the school yard through the gap in the curtains.
I never took much notice of what else was in the room. I had seen it all before and it looked like an average principal’s office. With the exception of the trophy case that was covered in shiny trophies our school had won.
“You want me to say a speech about Kalaen?” I asked, choking on my voice. “I barely knew him. How am I supposed to think of a speech about him?”
“I know that you barely knew him, which is why I think you would be the best candidate. You were there on the night of the accident. You saw it all happen. If anyone can say a speech about him, then it’s you. I would have asked you to do it for his memorial service, but it was too soon. The awards night is supposed to be about remembering all the good and bad times of the school year. I feel that the loss of one of our students shouldn’t go unnoticed,” Mr. Sampson said, his voice pleading.
“Sir, it’s hardly gone unnoticed. It was all over the papers and the whole school has been talking about it for ages. Besides, I wouldn’t know what to say,” I said, trying my hardest to get out of it. I turned back to face him as I said it.
“Tell the truth. Talk about how you barely knew him and yet how devastated to you were to find that it had been one of your own classmates who had been in the car; who had died. Talk about anything,” Mr. Sampson pleaded. “Please, Maddi? You’re the only one who can do it. No one else holds the emotion they need to do something like this. It needs to come from the heart.”
“I don’t know. I’m not sure I’m up to doing something like that. I’m not very good at talking in front of large audiences,” I groaned. As if talking to a large audience about Kalaen would ‘commemorate’ him.
“You need to get everything off your chest. You’re bottling everything up inside of you. Perhaps talking about it will help ease your pain.” As if just talking to a large audience about Kalaen would help ease my pain and guilt. I shook my head and bit my lip.
“Are you sure there’s no one else?”
“Positive. I can’t ask his parents because they are still really upset about it. And as we both know, Kalaen never really had many close friends. So, you really are the only option. Please, Maddi? Do this for the school, for Kalaen,” Mr. Sampson pleaded.
“Are you trying to make me feel guilty on purpose?” I asked. Mr. Sampson shook his head hurriedly.
“No, of course not.”
“Fine, I will do it, but don’t expect me to start talking about how much we all loved him. I’m going to tell the truth, everything that happened; everything I remember. It’s a good thing you gave me this much time to do it. Otherwise, it probably wouldn’t be done,” I said with a slight smile.
“Thank you so much, Maddi. You don’t know how much this means to me, to the school,” Mr. Sampson said, his voice sighing. “Now, I think you are right to go home. The bell will go any minute now. Oh, and don’t feel rushed by this. Take your time and write it from the heart.” I nodded my head and then walked out of the room.
At three-thirty, Frances, Hayley, Grace and I arrived at Hayley’s house. It hadn’t taken us long to pick up Grace, and seeing as though Hayley’s boyfriend, Ryan was driving, we got home pretty quickly. Ryan and Hayley have been going out for a year now, even though he has finished school. They spend a lot of time together after school and on weekends and try not to act all lovey-dovey when they are around us. Unlike Tayla who likes to flaunt her relationships as much as possible.
I helped Grace out of the 4wd that Ryan owned and then took her hand and pulled her towards the house that was before us. Hayley lives on the outskirts of town, the closest to the school than the rest of us though. Her house isn’t huge, but it suits her family of four quite well. They have a few acres out the back that have animals like chickens, a few sheep and cattle, in them.
“Why are we here?” Grace whispered as we walked up the stone cements to the white house.
“Hayley, Fran and I have some stuff we have to do. Now, please stay out of our way and don’t annoy us,” I muttered back. She rolled her eyes and then looked the other way.
“Now, I should remind you that we have cousins over; Jake and Toni. Toni has agreed to help us, and so has Jake. But I doubt he will want to help now that Grace is here,” Hayley giggled, holding Ryan’s hand as we walked through into the living room of their house. We didn’t stop there though. We continued through a door which led us into a hall. We turned off at the second door and we were in Hayley’s peach bedroom. Her bed was covered in coloured paper and party things, as was her desk. It made my chuckle that seventeen year olds still had parties.
Hayley and Ryan sat down on the carpeted floor, leaning against each other casually. I sat down on Hayley’s bed, pushing aside the paper. Grace sat next to me, staring around the room with wide, grey eyes. Again, I envied at how graceful she sat; how perfectly her hair flowed down her back and how absolutely stunning she looked in the light. But there was no time to dwell on the prettiness of my sister. We had a party to plan.
“Okay, so I thought that we could have it in the living room. Fran, if you would be able to bring her around at around ten o’clock. Just make up some lame excuse like Hayley needs to talk to you, or your birthday present is at Hayley’s place, then that would be great. Now, I’m not sure what music we should have. I’ve got the eighties’ classic hits, So Fresh Winter Hits and then I’ve got some party mixes that Ryan made. Which one do you guys think?” Hayley asked, showing us three different CD’s.
“I think the party mixes,” I stated. Fran agreed with me.
“Cool. How about I put it on now so we can listen to it and perhaps get some killer dance moves before the party?” Hayley laughed, standing up and walking over to her stereo on her desk. She placed the CD inside and pressed play. Once the music started playing, she started dancing to the song. We all laughed, including Grace; hers was heard above the rest of us, a high shrilling sound.
“I thought I heard music,” a strange boy’s voice said from the doorway. Everyone looked at the black haired boy who was leaning against the white doorframe, a smug smile on his face and one of his dark eyebrows raised.
“Toni!” Hayley cried joyfully, turning the volume on the stereo player down so the song playing was just a soft noise in the background. “Come in!” Toni, her cousin, stepped into the room, sauntering across to stand next to her.
“Toni, I’d like you to meet my friends, Frances and Maddi, and this is Maddi’s little sister, Grace. They are here to help with the party,” Hayley introduced.
“Hey,” Toni said, waving at Fran and me. I smiled back, but Grace jumped off the bed and walked over to stand in front of him.
“Grace,” she introduced. “I’m the cool sister. Maddi is just annoying and angry. Ever since the accident…” I raced over to Grace and clapped a hand over her mouth, muffling the rest of the sentence. I picked her up and dragged her across the room where I set her down, holding her shoulders so she couldn’t turn around.
“Don’t say anything about the accident!” I hissed angrily.
“Why not? He probably already knows anyway. Everyone knows,” she whispered back angrily. I was aware of everyone watching us, the silence disturbed only by our hissing voices and the soft sound of the music playing from the stereo behind Hayley.
“Just, don’t say anything and be quiet. You don’t need to tell everyone about it,” I muttered before turning back to the others. I smiled and then walked over to the bed and sat down on it. Hayley cleared her throat loudly.
“Grace, do you want to go see what Jake is up to? I’m sure he could do with some company outside,” she said, directly to Grace. I glared at Grace as she stalked from the room, somehow managing to make her slump graceful. I rolled my eyes and turned back to Hayley. Toni was staring at me, his eyebrows pulled slightly together to form the smallest frown.
I hadn’t noticed just how handsome his face was. His black hair framed his oval face; his dark, almost black eyes staring curiously at me. His skin was a sort of pale brown, his thin lips parted slightly. He wore a deep green shirt which clung to his body and a pair of black jeans. I was surprised at how muscular his body looked; the shirt was extremely tight and I could see his muscles bursting as they were contained within the thin material.
Frances cleared her throat loudly and then said, “Well, let’s get on with this party.”
“Yes,” Hayley said. She sat down next to Ryan and then grabbed some of the colored paper off her bed and handed some to Ryan and Frances.
“Um, can I use the bathroom?” I asked.
“Sure. You know where it is,” Hayley said. I nodded and then strode quickly from the room.
I walked down the hall silently. Why did Grace always have to bring up the accident? It was like she had nothing else to talk about. Didn’t I feel guilty enough without her reminding everyone who would listen that I had once witnessed someone die right before my eyes? Did she get a kick out of my emotional pain?
I didn’t bother closing the door after me. No one would come, except Grace. I looked at my reflection, brushing my fingers through my hair. I placed my hands on the side of the basin and bent over. I couldn’t hear any sound coming from down the hall. I couldn’t even hear anyone outside. I was alone.
“You know, you’re not alone,” a voice said from the doorway. I jumped and looked at the culprit.
“I was until a few seconds ago when you turned up,” I said to the black haired boy who was standing motionless in the doorway, a calm expression on his smooth, handsome face.
“I know about the accident,” Toni said. I rolled my eyes and sighed.
“Did you go and talk to Grace or something?” I sneered.
Toni laughed. “No, Hayley told me about it a while ago.” I walked over to the white bath and sat down on the edge. Toni took one step towards me.
“If it helps, I know what you’re going through,” said Toni quietly.
“You do?” I asked. Like anyone would know what I was going through. I didn’t even know what I was going through.
“Yeah.” He sat down on the bath next to me. “I’ve seen someone die as well.”
“Really? Who?”
“My father. I saw him have a heart attack. Of course, I was only seven so I don’t remember it well,” Toni added quietly.
“What did you do?” I asked.
“What you are doing. I bottled it all up inside of me for as long as I could until one day, I couldn’t contain it anymore. I tried to act like an adult and not cry. But sometimes, the best thing to do is just to cry; to let it all out. Now, I see why I shouldn’t have kept it inside of me; it doesn’t help in the future. Jake was too young to understand any of it. He never knew our father like I did,” Toni said.
“What are you trying to say?” I asked, unmoved by his story.
“We are more a like than you may think. We may be strangers, but we have things in common other people don’t.”
“That we’ve both seen someone we know die?”
“Yes, but we both kept it bottled up inside of us,” Toni said softly. I stood up and faced him.
“That’s where we are different. I’m not keeping anything bottled up inside me. I barely knew Kalaen. The only thing I feel is guilt,” I defended.
“So do I. Do you not think that I don’t wish I could have saved my father somehow? Don’t you think I feel bad that I couldn’t help him? Some things can’t be changed. Sometimes you can’t save someone from something that happens all the time,” Toni whispered, standing up so that he was now level with me. I hadn’t realized how much taller than me he was.
“Toni, you know me for five minutes and you’re already making assumptions. I’m nothing like you. You know the person you saw die. I didn’t. Kalaen was just another person from school,” I said. “I could have saved him, that’s the thing. If I hadn’t just stood in my bedroom and watched, if I had called for help earlier, he wouldn’t be dead. I lost nothing; you lost your father. There’s a big difference. You feel guilty because you saw it all happen but you couldn’t stop it. I feel guilty because I had the ability to stop it.”
“You can’t stop a speeding car from crashing into a street light. Even if you had called for help earlier, no one could have saved him,” Toni said.
“Whatever, Toni. You think what you want,” I snapped. “It’s still my fault Kalaen died.
“Why? Because you happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time?”
“You don’t understand,” I muttered. “I’m going back now. They are probably wondering if I’ve flushed my head down the toilet by now or something.”
“Perhaps, we could hang out sometime,” Toni suggested.
“Why? So we can argue about our differences more? I don’t think so. We aren’t a like. We are completely opposite. Your father died before your eyes. A stranger died before mine. It’s not the same, Toni. What we share isn’t the same,”
I said. “Just, let me get on with my life.”
“I’m just trying to help,” Toni said.
“Yeah, well last time someone tried to help out another person, it didn’t exactly save their life. I’m sorry about your father, but honestly, it and you have nothing to do with me. So if you don’t mind, I would like to go now,” I said. Toni shrugged his shoulders and I walked from the room.
By the time I got back to Hayley’s room, there was paper littering the floor. I didn’t even bother asking what we were doing. I just sat down next to Frances and picked up a pair of scissors and began cutting out random shapes from a piece of orange paper. Toni entered the room shortly after me and leant against the wall. He dug his hands into his pockets and watched us carelessly, a vague expression on his face.
“You were gone a while, Maddi. Are you okay?” Hayley asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I lied. “Um, have you decided on a cake for Georgia? I know her favorite is chocolate.”
“No we haven’t. I was actually going to ask my Mum to get it after work tomorrow, but I might get it on Saturday morning when I pick you up. That way it will be fresh,” Hayley said, tucking her long hair behind her ear.
“Hey Hayley, I might just go check on Jake and Grace; make sure they aren’t getting up to anything they shouldn’t,” Toni suddenly said.
“No, I’ll go. We should probably get going soon anyway. I’m sure I’ll have to cook tea when I get home because Mum is finishing late,” I said. I stood up, stretching my legs.
“Yeah, I should probably get home as well,” Frances agreed. She too stood up, along with Hayley and Ryan. They both smiled at us and then we left the room.
They waited at the front door while I ran through the house towards the back door. I was aware that Toni was following me, so I quickened my pace. I opened the back door quietly and walked outside into the fresh air. Grace and Jake were sitting on the grass talking to each other. Jake reminded me of Toni. He had black hair and brown eyes as well, but his skin was a little darker than Toni’s.
“Come on, Grace. We are going now,” I shouted across the back yard.
“Why are you so mean to her?” Toni asked from my side.
“Right; first the assumptions, now you’re judging me.”
“I’m just saying that you should be a little nicer to her. She’s been through just as much as you have,” Toni said.
“Toni, just stay out of it. It’s none of your business,” I snapped angrily as Grace and Jake walked towards us.
“You’re right. It’s not. I’m sorry. Like I said before, I’m only trying to help,” Toni apologized.
“I don’t need your help,” I sneered as Grace and Jake reached us. “Now, I would say it was nice meeting you, but I think on this occasion, it wasn’t nice. Good bye.” I took Grace’s hand and then began walking back towards the house. I knew that Toni and Jake were following behind. I opened the door, leaving it swinging open for Toni and Jake to come through.
“Right, are you ready?” Hayley asked as we came back into view. I nodded my head, as did Grace.
Suddenly the phone rang. Hayley darted out of the room and answered it. We stood in silence as we waited for her to come back. Several minutes later, she walked back into the front room, the phone still in her hand and biting her lip.
“That was my mum. She wants me to go and pick her up. I’m sorry guys. I can’t take you home. There isn’t enough in our car for all of us,” Hayley said.
“I can take them home in the truck,” Toni offered. I rolled my eyes and sighed.
“That would be great. Thanks,” Frances said happily. Grace smiled and nodded her head. Toni didn’t wait for a reply from me. He just snatched the keys from the small table next to door and opened it for us. Frances smiled at him and walked through the door, followed by Grace. I just threw him an angry glare and stalked out after them.
I didn’t want to sit in the front of the truck with Toni, but Grace wanted to sit in the back and so did Frances. I stared out the window as we drove down the road towards Fran’s house. Hopefully, he wouldn’t mention anything about Kalaen again. It took us ten minutes to reach Fran’s house and we didn’t stop for more than a minute. Just long enough for me to say goodbye and then go back to staring out the window at the never-ending trees.
“You’re sister is pretty mean, isn’t she Gracie?” Toni suddenly said to Grace, looking in the rear vision mirror at her reaction. I glared at him angrily.
“Yes. But she didn’t used to. We used to actually have fun before the accident. Ever since, she’s been so mean and angry,” Grace said from the back seat.
“Do you remember the accident?” Toni asked.
“Toni!” I hissed angrily. “You can’t ask a seven-year-old something like that!”
“Yes, of course I do. It was only three months ago,” Grace snapped.
“I see. And do you remember your sister’s reaction to that night?”
“She didn’t have a reaction. She didn’t cry or anything,” Grace said.
“Toni, what are you trying to find out?” The truck came to a halt outside out house. I unbuckled my seatbelt and got out of the large truck and then helped Grace out as well. She ran straight for the door where she waited for me to unlock it with the key that was in my bag.
“I didn’t come here to see my cousin,” Toni said as he joined me on the lawn. “I came here to see you.” I stopped abruptly and turned to face him.
“What?”
“I wanted to see if you were as brave as they all say you are,” Toni confessed.
“And am I?” I sneered. “I’ve had two people tell me I’m brave today, but I want to know if I am coming from someone who has experienced something a tiny bit similar to what I have. So, am I as brave as you think?”
“No,” Toni said simply. “You’re braver.”
