Rules don't exist

I don't think its true,
yet of course it may be
since truths are just truths
to those whom believe
if belief is the law
in the land of the mind
then minds might explode
if crossed at wrong times
perplexed as you may
just see as you be,
or be as you see
as long as C is before B
no its not after
and no laughter with this,
my mind makes the rules
so the rules don't exist

this is interesting. i didn't really see anything wrong with it. yes, i know this sounds like a horrible reveiw, i apoligze, im not that good at it.

happy writings,
~bren~

llobalito8 wrote:I don't think its true,
yet of course it may be
since truths are just truths
to those whom believe Is it whom? My who/whom sense if terrible. But it sounds a bit off here.
if belief is the law
in the land of the mind
then minds might explode
if crossed at wrong times I don't get this bit. How do the minds cross. It's pretty vague.
perplexed as you may
just see as you be,
or be as you see
as long as C is before B
no its not after Err, is this supposed to be funny? It could be better if you gave people what they thought was normal then changed it, not just thrown something out there hoping the reader will latch on.
and no laughter with this,
my mind makes the rules
so the rules don't exist

Right, so you've obvious decided to forgo Capitalisation and all punctuation but commas. If this is deliberate, all the more power to you, but I think some full stops might be nice. Yeah, I thought it started off well, but kind of drifted off point in the middle. The ending was strong. I'm not really identifying with it, as myself as a reader, but it's clever and fun, just not really my thing.

I don't think its true,

yet of course it may be

since truths are just truths

to those whom believe

I like these lines for some odd reason. They drew me towards and intp the poem. So that a good way to start it off.

if belief is the law

in the land of the mind

then minds might explode

if crossed at wrong times

Very good. I can't find anything wrong with these lines. They are oh so true.

perplexed as you may

just see as you be,

This just screwed up with the poem. That last line isn't grammatically correct. It should be are not be. Also you shouldn't force the poem to rhyme. Its obvious that you did that here.

or be as you see

as long as C is before B

no its not after

and no laughter with this,

my mind makes the rules

so the rules don't exist

How do I say this. These lines aren't matching the rest of your poem. It looks as if you were in a hurry to finish it and slapped down whatever came to your head. They mess with the flow and beat to the poem to me. I suggest that you take these off and do some editing. Your first lines were great, make the following ones just as good. With some time, ad practice, this poem could have potential. Good luck!
~Alyss

yeah, I'm really not even sure why i posted this. It is rushed, and kind of pointless. haha whatever, thanks to everyone for the reviews!

I like it-random as heck that's what I like to see
It's free-verse for all you cretins who say it has no structure
I like it
The lack of structure mirrors the idea of their being no rules or confines
A world without rules? BLISS!


to those whom believe-like this part, it reminds me of like a child's story where they believe in fairies but their parents believe in common sense!

Liked it-more please?
S
xxx