Bane

erased as of 11-8

This is probably the most boring chapter so far...well you always need to have one such slow chapter I guess...but you finally explained why they have such weird names good.

You mean as in scourge or pestilence

I find this part of dialogue...unreal. What else would it be than those things? Can you really picture someone saying that in a similar situation? Or maybe it's just me (I bet on the last one )

You could tell something of what Bane thinks of the conversation too, we only get the words but scant understanding of what Bane thi-ink-inks about the conversation.

Still good use of language and no grammar errors that I could recognise

I read some lines as I was fixing the formating. This is hilarious!

Bane had annouced they would be heading toward a small village called Rhodia, and they had begun their journey, with Bane muttering under his breath about how slow Neerie was.

I'd break this up so it's easier to read and understand.

“Bane,” grumbled the boy, ambling on without glancing back at her.

This is the last time I'm bugging you 'bout "the boy."

Bane hesitated before giving his name in Werish, the ancient language of werewolves that hadn’t been spoken in thousands of years, except in things such as names.

I'd replace "that" with ". It" to break this up.

Werish wasn’t the prettiest language.

You could put this in with all the other info on Werish.

Bane shrugged. “Eh. It’s a variant.” He smirked.

If your dialogue has a tag after it then it should end with a comma and the tag should be lowercase unless it's a proper name.

"The main road," he announced. "Is close to here. Would you like to take that into Rhodia?

I find "he announced" is in the wrong place. I'd put it after "here."

"Have you really never slept on the ground?" asked Bane in exasperation, even though he knew the answer.

The dialogue here is rather formal. Try: "You've never really slept on the ground?"

Bane rolled his eyes. "What are you scared of? That a ferocious robin is going to swoop down and bite your head off? This is the real world princess, get accustomed to it."

Another bit of dialogue that's really formal. I'd switch "accustomed" for "used."

Dialogue- There is hardly any distinction between Bane's dialogue and Neerie's, when their classes indicate there should be. Really tone-down the huge vocabulary Bane has, or give us an explanation as to why he speaks like that. (And I agree with Amniel; that bit of dialogue just doesn't do it for me)

Atmosphere- Yep. It's really missing from here. To add it in might mean a rewrite, but my idea is put a bunch of branches they have to duck under, roots to avoid tripping over, cobwebs to go through (Neerie would just love that!). It would also give you opportunities to use "action tags" instead of "said tags." You tend to use both in one line, and it drives me a little nuts.

Overall- Not half bad. Bane's comments kept this interesting for me (I love them!) but describe the forest a bit more.

Hope I helped!

~Rosey

Hmm.. Seeing as this is a slow chapter, I think you might as well do a bit more information dumping.
Also, I would make it longer, but that's not that important.
Lastly, and I said this in my last post, try and tone down the brattyness of the girl. It's ok to do that, but it's put a bit over the top in general.
Other then that it was an ok chapter, but you have definitely written better chapters for this story.

If I were you, I would do more information dumping.