Reaper

In the darkness there awaits,
the silent figure of grim fate.
On his face a manic grin,
of vile secrets held within.
The wicked blade held aloft,
whispers death so very soft.
You cannot hide for very long,
once you've heard his siren song.
Into your heart spreads the fear,
and you will know that he is near.
His breath is cold, of blackest ice.
Into the dark he will entice.
Your darkest dreams will never be,
far from the truth as you will see.
Into the dark you will go,
to what end you never know.

Oh, a strict rhyme scheme throughout the entire piece? An obvious and clearly expressed subject?
Who are you and what have you done with God?!

Just kidding. I really enjoyed this. Your imagery was really captivating. I absolutely love poetry that gives me a clearly expressed image. You certainly achieved that, I think.

The wicked blade held aloft,

whispers death so very soft.

and

His breath is cold, of blackest ice.

Those are my favorite lines of the poem.

Although, I'm very suspicious that there is a deeper message here that you are trying to convey. I say this because you have so plainly laid out the meaning of the poem, it seems almost too obvious. Perhaps an even darker message..? I can't think of many things darker than the Grim Reaper, but...
Regardless, I think you've executed this wonderfully. I even felt a chill reading this, which I'm pretty sure is what you were going for. I will say one thing about the punctuation, though.
I will not correct it because a.) I suck at punctuation b.) it seems fine the way it is. For myself, the punctuation just seems rather boring.
It's simply line, coma, line, period. I know you can make it more interesting.

This was gold star-worthy, I believe. Good job!


*anti-pop

totally a cliche poem, unless you actually sense whats going on underneath. can any of you guess that?

*mischevious smirk*

Peace,
God.

Generally I'm none to partial to poetry, or strict rhyme schemes for that matter, but I really liked this. I think that the rhyming actually makes it better than, I don't know, if it didn't rhyme. I really liked the imagery, it gave me the chills. But I do have to agree that the punctuation was very boring. Unfortunately, I too suck at grammar and such, so you shall have to figure that out on your own. And I'm killing myself trying to figure out the hidden meaning, unless you're one of those people who will say that just to mess with people... Anyway, GOLD STAR!!!

well, honestly, I could be one of those people, but I'm not, not in this case, but I will refrain from saying what exactly this is about, until I see some guesses form other people

>.>
<.<
>.>

anyone?

Peace,
God.

I don't really have any idea of what's going on here, other than that it's about the grim reaper?

Work on the rhythm of certain lines so that they flow better; for example, "Into your heart spreads the fear" requires an awkward pause after heart to fit into the timing, so the space that spreads currently occupies should be exchanged for something that fits better with what comes before and after.

The first time I read through this poem, I read "of vile secrets held within" as "the vile of secrets held within. I was slightly disappointed to find out otherwise, as a literal vile would open up additional layers to the poem, making it a bit less cliched.

Have you thought about who is the "you" addressed in the poem?

That's just my two cents ^_^ Happy writing!

Ok this is really good. The rhyme is solid all the way through the subject is grim but i think its brilliant!
The piece is about the grim reaper and death but im loving it!

The flow is lost a little after "heart" but it is quickly forgotten
The imagery u put into it is really good to and reminded my of a little bit of a horror filling and the tone you use is a little bit mischievous and sly

Overall you did a fantastic job! PM me if u change anything!!!!

Okay, I have to say, that the hidden meaning is that of the darkness within each of us, we all have our inner demons, our grim fate, our darkest dreams and desires.

it is the question of which that makes us think, yes?

thanks all, for the reviews,

Peace,
God

Wow!
As you can tell I really liked this poem and I'm a little creeped out by it...I'm guessing that was the idea.

Your darkest dreams will never be,
far from the truth as you will see.
Into the dark you will go,
to what end you never know.

Loved this part and it was a good ending.
Creepy.
Creepy.
Creepy.

This was awesome. You somehow managed to take what could have been a child's poem and make it into a captivating, intricately told, poem written seemingly by an adult. I doubt there is anything that I could find that could be wrong with this poem, except maybe the punctuation. But that has already been mentioned. What is more important right now, though, is congratulating you on your exellently expressed, vividly written, and intricate poem of fantastic quality. GREAT JOB!!! XD

=) - Claeren

Great poem! My favorite parts were:

The wicked blade held aloft,

whispers death so very soft.

and

Your darkest dreams will never be,

far from the truth as you will see.

Into the dark you will go,

to what end you never know.

Great piece, I loved it! ^^

- Meow