This is just a draft of a scene from my story, which i'd like reviewing before i write it finally!
I posted this in romantic, because its obviously a kissing scene, but it's not your usual kissing scene because the two people don't even fancy each other.
If you're intrigued by that... OH I BET YOU ARE
then read on!It has one swearword in it, so i put it as pg-13 is that right? If not, tell me and i'll change it!
Also, it has some stuff about gay people. I've written it about a teenage girl and boy who obviously might have different opinions than you about homosexuality. One of my characters says the word 'Queer.' I don't know if that's considered offensive. If you do find it offensive, i'm sure you'll let me know!
ENJOY AND CONSTRUCTIVELY CRITICISE
LOVE YOU ALL
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"Have you seen Spiderman?" I asked, "there's this really great kiss, it's upside down. It's so romantic..."
“...I wouldn’t know” Indigo looked down at the floor nervously, “…I’ve never properly kissed anyone.”
He shifted on his feet awkwardly. I figured that it was probably hard for him to reveal something like that to me. Most girls would laugh in the face of an eighteen year old boy who’d never been kissed. I would’ve had to fight back a giggle a year ago, but that’s the kind of person I was. I like to think I’d changed a lot since then. Matured.
“Never?” I asked perching on the end of the sofa, my hands clenched together in my lap.
“I’ve never really been in that situation,” he admitted, “You’ve possibly noticed that I don’t form relationships with people very well.”
I rolled my eyes.
“You’re not always the warmest person.” I smiled at him, “so, you’ve never met anybody that you wanted to kiss?”
He walked over to the wall, backing against it with his arms folded rigidly across his chest.
“I’ve never got on with girls…or boys for that matter.” His eyes widened and he raised an eyebrow.
“Boys?” I looked at him expectantly.
I couldn’t help but hope that he wasn’t gay. I don’t have a problem with gay people; I’m not some kind of homophobe. If anything, I prayed for him that he wasn’t. He’d received enough stick for the fact that he liked art, books and classical music. Admittance of being gay would just make things a hundred times worse. The boys he knew found ‘coming out’ the best revelation ever; it gave them oceans worth of mocking material.
"With a name like Indigo, rumors begin to circulate. You can imagine.”
“Oh, right,” I breathed a sigh of relief, “I thought for a second there…”
“…I’m not queer.” He unfolded his arms and shoved his hands in his pockets, “I’m definitely not queer.”
“Okay, I believe you.” I swiftly moved the subject on. The way he was glaring at me made me feel uncomfortable. I didn’t know whether he was doing that because he was trying to convince me he was straight when he wasn’t, or if he was desperate for me to believe that he really was. I was pretty certain that he was.
His eyes continued burning into me.
“Well, you’re not missing out on much, trust me.” I forced a smile and his glare softened.
“Not missing out on what?” he asked, stepping away from the wall and loitering idly in the middle of the room. His stance was awkward and his arms hung limply by his side.
“Kissing,” I stated, “it’s really not all that.”
A strange noise came out of his mouth. It was a mix between a moan of exasperation and a sigh of disbelief.
“You haven’t got to lie to make me feel better, you know. I know what kissing is like, the boys at school used to go on about it all the time when we were younger,” his mouth twitched into a smile, as if he was reminiscing, “Of course, then they discovered sex and that kind of took over their thoughts, but they rated kissing pretty high. I know that.”
“Oh come on, Indy!” I leant back on the sofa, crossing my legs and pulling a cushion into my chest, “you know what boys are like…well…you are one, so I suppose you do. They exaggerate to their mates, don’t they?”
“Maria, please stop trying to make me feel better.”
I couldn’t deny the fact that I was doing that. He’d know I was lying, he was too good at reading me. What could I say? I couldn’t pour my heart out and tell him that when you kiss the right person, it’s one of the best feelings in the world. I didn’t want to make him feel any more embarrassed than he probably already did. I hate it when people brag about things that you’ve never done. You just want to throw something at them to get them to shut up. I wasn’t going to be that annoying person. Anyway, I really didn’t want to get something thrown at me.
“Have you kissed many boys?” he asked.
“Uh… yeah…quite a few.” I said honestly.
He nodded his head slowly and suddenly threw himself down on the sofa beside me.
“What was it like?” he enquired, turning to face me. His expression was stern and humorless. I couldn’t help but stifle a smile as frown lines appeared on his forehead and he bit at his lip. Why was he always so serious about things?
“Some of them were nice,” I raised my eyebrows, “some were horrible.”
His grave look melted and he rolled his eyes.
“What was it like for them?” he asked, “the person you kissed, I mean. The kissee, is that what you call it?”
I laughed softly as he looked at me, the severe face beginning to appear again.
“I don’t know, you’ll have to ask them.” I stood up and walked over to the window, leaning my elbows on the window ledge. My back was turned from him, but I felt Indigo edging towards me warily.
“Can I kiss you, Maria?” he said, suddenly standing beside me, making me jump.
Before I had a chance to react, his lips pressed against mine with urgency. His hands were in my hair, knotting and twisting it in his fingers. I didn’t attempt to kiss him back, I was unresponsive like a statue, but I didn’t reject him. I didn’t step back in alarm or push him away. He pulled me closer to him, his hand flat against my back. My mind threw questions at me. Why wasn’t I stopping this? Did I not want to stop this?
I pursed my lips shut strictly, determined not to give in. What was this all about? Indigo and I both knew that we had never felt that way about each other. Our relationship was different. There were never any lustful looks across the room to one another, no electric touch when our skin made contact, there was nothing there like that. What the hell was he doing?
He pulled away suddenly, his hands firmly on my shoulders, keeping me at arms distance. His cheeks were red with embarrassment and he looked down, his eyes refusing to meet my gaze.
“What the fuck was that all about?” I snapped.
“Sorry.” He let go of his grip and edged away from me, “I’m really sorry about that.”
“Why did you do it?” I asked abruptly, my hands clenched into fists by my side with annoyance. What was I annoyed about? The fact that he’d done it or the fact that he’d stopped? Neither of us knew the answer to that.
“I just wanted to see what it was like. I couldn’t think of anyone better to have a first kiss with than you. My best friend.”
That should’ve sounded overly sickly, but it didn’t. It made me feel all warm inside, I love it when people like me. I love being called a ‘Best friend’.
“That wasn’t a first kiss, Indigo!” my voice went all squeaky and high-pitched, “That was you forcing yourself on me… that… that was an attack!”
“Only because you refused to respond,” he said sourly, “you couldn’t even commit yourself for my first kiss. God, Maria, you’re so selfish.”
“I am not selfish!” I raised my voice angrily, and then regretted it. As I turned to look at his face, he was smiling arrogantly and looking at me as if I was a hot-headed toddler having a tantrum. I couldn’t help but laugh at myself and we both knew that my little rant was over.
“Let’s do it again,” Indigo’s eyes widened, “and this time, you have to respond to me. Is it a deal?”
“No, it’s not a deal.” I crossed my arms childishly, “why should i?”
“I remember you saying that you’d do anything for me.” He raised an eyebrow and looked down on me.
“I meant anything within reason. You know, the kind of things that friends do for each other. I didn’t mean anything like this.”
He lifted his hands and uncrossed my arms, restraining my hands forcefully by my sides. I immediately resisted, trying to break his hold, but he was too strong and kept a firm grasp on me.
“Don’t resist, Maria. Please.” He said softly.
So I didn’t.
That makes me seem really weak, doesn’t it? To just give in like that makes me seem like a coward, or just very easily led. I did say that I’d do anything for him though, he was my best friend. But, I didn’t have anything like that in mind. Kissing isn’t the kind of thing that friends usually do unless they’re attracted to each other. And we definitely weren’t. We weren’t like that, I can’t stress it enough.
His hands caught my face and his lips found mine right away, crushing them with a feeling of desperation, a craving that I’d never felt before. I couldn’t decipher if the craving was for me or just for the kiss, but I didn’t care. I’d do what he wanted and then it’d be over. He ran his hands along my shoulders, and reached for my arm, curling it around his neck. I held it there, trying with all my might not to enjoy his warm lips on mine. They moved with an insistent rhythm, soft but furious, inexperienced yet skillful. Our lips were in perfect harmony, surprising me, but not pleasing me. I didn’t want this, and I was certain that he didn’t either. He was too stubborn. He wanted a proper first kiss, not a kiss with me. He was too good at getting what he wanted.
We pulled away simultaneously.
“Did you enjoy that?” I asked plainly.
He shrugged his shoulders.
“Yeah, it was alright,” he smiled, “at least I can say I’ve had my first kiss now. Thanks for that, Maria,” he punched me playfully on the arm, “you’re a real friend.”
Just keep it original and keep the humorous, yet still slightly confused and real, voice of the MC consistent.
