Sinner's Gamble

We danced all night,
on the edge of a knife,
in the morning we gambled,
with the Devil's dice.
We lived to fight,
and we fought to win.
Our love's so thick,
you'd taste the sin.
They tried to make us,
give up our ways,
to see their light,
through our blasphemous haze.
But we spit in their eyes;
we'd seen through their lies.
What they call sin,
we know as life.
What they call God,
we know as strife.
They tell us that we'll burn for this,
but I don't really think I'll miss,
their heaven, for it seems so dull.
I guess that's just the toll,
for being who I am,
I've lived a life so free,
they'll never take me.

Fantastic. Just fantastic. I am in shock right now but the darn thing won't let me put am emoticon where I want it. Just a bit of grammatical errors that I have corrected in bold~


We danced all night,
on the edge of a knife,
in the morning we gambled,
with the Devil's dice.
We lived to fight,
and we fought to win.
Our (the and doesn't fit with the iambic pentamitor. Not like you'd care but it still sunds better.) love's so thick,
you'd taste the sin.
They tried to make us,
give up our ways,
to see their light,
through our blasphemous haze.
But we spit in their eyes;
we'd seen through their lies.
What they call sin,
we know as life.
What they call God,
we know as strife.
They tell us that we'll burn for this,
but I don't really think I'll miss,
their heaven, for it (flows better like this. seems so drull,
I guess that's just the toll,
for being who I am.
I've lived a life so free,
they'll never take me.

Again, this was amazing. I love the point. Great job God. (controversial name but right now, I don't care.)
-Forever Threnody
P.s. PM me if you have any questions.

ooh, thanks for the review, I found it most helpful,
anyhow, anyone else want to comment?

really? no one?
well hell,

Peace,
God

Well, I'm sure you know exactly what I have to say about the subject matter of this poem, so I'll skip that for now. As a piece of literature, I like it well enough, though I've never been all that big on poetry. It has a good (not an accurate word because I am not referring to morality, but whatever) central theme and it sticks to it, no tangents. It has flow, and I like the way you double-spaced it, though that's just a personal thing because the way I write, any other way looks a little weird. We do need to have another discussion about what heaven really is, and the reason I don't take life seriously is that I will get out alive. But aside from all the moral and theological arguments we could and probably will have over this, it's a good poem. I like your style, the rhythm and rhyme works well, and it's almost like you are trying to be positive in a backwards and upside down kind of way. I'm glad I finally got around to reading some of your stuff.

--Arianna