Chapter 1 of; Forever ends tonight.

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My moms tears soaked my brand new Ed Hardy Shirt. I rolled my eyes as she set her head once again on my shoulders and pressed into me. I gave my sister the please-save-me look but she just shrugged it off.
"Mom, its okay really. I'll be fine, promise."
"I-I-I know but, the house will be so empty without anymore kids." She struggeled a bit to get the words out. "I'm getting so old!"
Her eyes flooded with tears again. I let out a chuckle.
In a week, I'll be starting my first Semester of College at University of Illinois, a womping 2 hour drive. My sister, Avery, attends there as well and is leaving with me to help get everything moved in.
10 minutes later, My mother finally recovered from her last cry-fest. We threw my new blue and green suitcase set that my aunt gave me at my high school graduation in the same old rusty truck I got when I was 16. It was no surprise when my mom cried at both of those events too.
A fake smile drew across my face as I gave my parents a final goodbye until Christmas break. She looked into my eyes and just stared at me. I could tell she was trying to make this a sentamental [Sp?] moment and I hate to ruin it, but this was enough.
" Come on mom, Its only a 2-hour drive, we can have dinner every weekend if we wanted."<br>
" I know, Its just that, My little girl has grown up so fast. Times just passing us by."<br>
" Yeah, no kidding, They won't let anyone in after 7. I'm sorry. I'll call you tonight."<br>
The worn out fabic on my truck seats never felt so comfortable. I glanced back in the rearview mirror. My mom in the comfort of my fathers arms seemed overwhelming. This is it. This is really happening. Of all my high school years, it seemed like this day would never come. I'm going off to college. No longer under the wings of my parents, I'm on my own. Its a strange feeling to know that once I drive out of this driveway, I don't belong to this household. I'm a college student in a dorm subjected to drugs, alochol, sex, and partying. I'm about to be living the college life. How strange.
I remember being in 5th grade and looking up to the girls in Junior High and not wanting to waiting until I reached that point in my life. When I was in Junior High, all I wanted was to be in High School and now that I'm finished with high school, I almost want it to stop. Time really does pass by too fast ,but what can you do?
My tires spun out on the rocks as I took a left to merge on the highway. I drew in a long, deep breathe.
"Its a weird feeling isn't it?" Avery asked.
" Yeah. I mean, I never thought that this day would come. Its strange."
"I know, I felt the same way."
" Was mom like that with you too?"
" Yes, but I think it was a lot harder with you since your the last one to go off to college."
" I can understand that."
"Shes real proud of you, Lauren. You overcame a lot. I must admit that I don't think anybody expected this from you ,but you pulled it off. I'm proud of you too."
In junior high school, I was kind of a rebel. I didn't like homework so I just copied off of somebody and failed all my tests. I snuck out a lot and stupid, immature things like that ,but it was fun! When high school started my father sat me down and said:
"Lauren, I understand that you are young and trying to have fun but this is high school now and blahm blah blah."
He went on telling me that this effects my whole life and asked me whether I wanted to be homeless or make decent money and have a house. He didn't apperiate it when I joked that I'd rather be homeless for the rest of my life. At that point, he decided to take me to the nearest big city, St. Louis, Missouri. When we got there, we walked along the sidewalks and in the rundown parts of town you could see boxes lined up where all the homeless people are. I was stupid enough to joke a second time saying, "See dad! They aren't homeless they got their boxes!" He gave me a stern look and made me sleep in a cardboard box that night outside of our house.
" Thanks Av"
I called my sister Av when I was a baby because I couldn't pronouce her name. I guess it just stuck.
We made small talk for the rest of the drive. She educated me on the dangers of college life and what to watch out for and the things she wish she did diffrently.
My heart dropped when we pulled into the parking lot of the Unversity. It was so big. Cars were lined up in rows of 40 and they surronded every building.
I pulled my suitcase on its wheel to the housing office and waited in line for my room. Once the line finally got to me I was assigned my dorm.
"Floor 4, Dorm number 415" I shot a look at Avery.
"You'll be one floor below me, I'm Floor 5 Dorm 567. I'll write it down for you as soon as we get your things unpacked."
We strolled to the elevator and pressed the white button that turned red with an arrow pointing up. As the door opened, Av and I stepped in. I drew a long sigh and she took my hand.
"This is it, College Lauren."




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I liked this a lot! I felt exactly what she was feeling. The time you leave the nest and go off to college. Good job!
Some things I saw:

In a week, I'll be starting my first Semester of College at University of Illinois, a womping 2 hour drive.

Semester and college don't have to be capitalized. Also, if a number is ten and lower, you need to actually write out the word. Instead of 2, put two.

I could tell she was trying to make this a sentamental [Sp?] moment and I hate to ruin it, but this was enough.

It's sentimental. :D

Good job! I really like this! Keep it up!

Feel free to PM me if you have any questions.
"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step." ~ Lao-tzu

Attack, IM, or PM me at any time. I will respond. ;)




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I like it. Your dialoge is really realistic. You really capture what it feels like to leave home for the first time. Just a few minor mistakes like "sentametal" is setimental and in one of the first paragraphs you re-use comfort. It's really good. Keep it up.




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Yeah, this was super good. I'll be in Lauren's place in less than a year, and I can totally relate to the time thing. It seems to be flying by now that I'm getting closer and closer to graduation. EEK!

The people above me pointed out all the wrongs in this so I don't have any quotes to give you.

But I do think you need to really capture her mother's feelings more. Doesn't she feel even slightly bad that her mother is crying? Or that she's leaving home? Give us a bit more emotion there and you'll do fine.

If you have any further questions, just let me know =]
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~ Joseph Conrad


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Sometimes I'm terrified of my heart; of its constant hunger for whatever it is it wants. The way it stops and starts.
— Poe