Tonight

I wipe my face with my hand.
The salty moisture burns where it touches my skin.
No one has seen me like this before.
How very weak I must look.
Another tear streams down my cheek.
I make a covenant tonight.
I'll let myself never cry again.
Never to let anyone see my pain.
Never to shed a tear.
And I'll keep that covenant.

marshvalleychick08 wrote:I wipe my face with the back of my hand.
The salty moisture burn where it touches my skin.
No one has seen me like this before.
I think about how weak I must look.
Another trickle streams down my cheek.
In my mind I make a covenant right here tonight.
To never cry again.
Never again to let anyone see my pain.
Never again to shed a tear.
And I'll keep that covenant.

In the first line the part "back of my hand" is unneccasary; I wipe my face with my hand is better, but still could be improved. It isn't my poem, it didn't come from my mind, so I couldn't tell you exactly how to phrase it.

In the second line you have a small typo; burn should be burns (Or you could change the whole thing to past tense and make it burned, but you're probably not gonna do that ).

I like the third line, it's good.

Fourth line, It's good, but I'd phrase it differently. Maybe instead of telling the reader what you're doing, phrase the actual thought?

Fifth line, change trickle to tear.

Sixth line, take out the "In my mind" and "right here" bits, I make a covenant tonight is a bit better.

Seventh line, maybe change in to "I will never cry again"?

Eighth and ninth lines, if you take my advice on line seven take the word "again" in both these lines.

Tenth line, I'd take out the word "And."

Remember, these are all just my opinions, they may in no way be correct. It's your art, do what you want with it, I'm just here to help.

this is a really beautiful poem!!!!!! i love it cuz i can totally empathize with the charecter! how were you inspired to write this?? i like how you used so much punctuation, it seems like most people(oops, like me) think that cuz it's a poem punctuation itsnt nessecary but i totally is!!!!!!! i really like your ending toooooo!!!!!!!!!

Wow. Good work. I think Sonlen got all of the nit-picking done, and I think it'll be great when it's edited.

~Sunny