I

The darkness came, passed and went away
stealing not second of my light today.
I held onto every last drop
forcing the bubble not to disappear or pop
People told me to think happy thoughts
and that idea never quiet worked never caught
so in turn I have a new idea,
its really creative and has lots of appeal
don’t think happy thoughts, think happy people.
the darkness won't come, it won't steal.

Hmmm.

The darkness came, passed and went away
stealing not second of my light today.

Stealing not a second? Or stealing not seconds? Anyway, so far I'm understanding it, I guess. No darkness. Good, right? It didn't steal any light.

I held onto every last drop
forcing the bubble not to disappear or pop.

The second line here has too many syllables, if you're going for the whole rhythmic rhyming effect, which worked well in the first two lines. Now, I suppose I still kind of sorta see where you're going with this. Held onto every last drop? Of what? Of the light? And then the whole bubble analogy seems kind of out of place. For some wierd reason, popping bubbles takes the seriousness away from me in what, I think, is supposed to be a serious poem.

People told me to think happy thoughts
[s]and[/s] but that idea never quite worked, never caught

Happy thoughts? So you're facing what, depression? Alright, I get the message-- but, again, 'happy thoughts' doesn't really do it for me. It seems like something kind of juvenile to say. I'm twelve, and, unless I'm joking, I don't tell friends battling sadness to think happy thoughts. What else can people tell him to do? Not give into the tears? Follow that glimmer of hope?

I like the second line. Sometimes, no matter how many times people tell you something is for your own good, the concept still doesn't really work for you. I'm groovin'.

so, in turn, I have a new idea,
it's really creative and has lots of appeal

*Shrug* Appeal and idea don't really rhyme as well as the previous ones.

don’t think happy thoughts, think happy people.
the darkness won't come, it won't steal.

And this...this is where I lose you completely.

Think happy people? Try to be like happy people you know? Huh?

And, although this last line works well for the effect of a solved problem, it doesn't work so well for a last line.

So. Recap,

A.) Correct your grammar here and there. A couple I pointed out, but some others you didn't capatilize a new sentence or omitted a period. Remember that 'its' and it's' are very different.

B.) Really figure out your meaning, and convey it with decription. You're on the right track with the popping bubble, but I don't think that particular analogy works. Tell us how you're feeling. Why are you sad? You can make it longer by adding a really dynamic ending that, like, blows out socks off with it's profoundness. You just have to figure out how to get there.

C.) As is, you've got work to do. In my opinion. I don't want to discourage you and seem very evil and harsh; the opposite, in fact. I'd love to see this revised a bit, the rhyming tweaked, and an ending added. It will be so...fantabulous. You have such a deep subject to work with; depression. Right? That is your subject?

D.) That reminds me-- clarify. We are left in a foggy haze of your troubles. Enlighten us.

I hope you find me helpful and not hurtful. But this shall be wonderful with a teensy bit of work!

~Evi

The darkness came, passed and went away
Is there any way you can reword this sentence so that it isn't so listy? Not that you have to, but it makes the rhythm easier to get, and sounds nicer to the ear.
stealing not second of my light today.
See what Evi said on this line.
I held onto every last drop
forcing the bubble not to disappear or pop
The rhythm is messed up in this line. Also, the word "pop" made me stop and think, "wait, is this supposed to be serious or funny?" If it's supposed to be serious, I would suggest cutting the word "pop" and if it's supposed to be funny, add more of it into the rest of the poem.
People told me to think happy thoughts
and that idea never quiet worked never caught
The rhythm was again, off, but might I suggest, "That idea never worked, never caught."
so in turn I have a new idea,

its really creative and has lots of appeal
The rhyme seems forced in this line... a change in words perhaps?
don’t think happy thoughts, think happy people.

the darkness won't come, it won't steal.
"steal" doesn't rhyme with "people" and it doesn't really make a whole lot of sense. The darkness won't steal what?

Overall, a good job. I think there are some changes and fine-tuning to be done, but well done! Keep it up!

The darkness came, passed and went away

This is a listy sort of sentance. You list that the darkness did all
sorts of things. I would suggest that you either take some out
or add on in a different line.

stealing not second of my light today.

There is a little typo here, I think that you mean to say that
it is not "stealing not A second"

I held onto every last drop

forcing the bubble not to disappear or pop

The second line in this stanza is too long. There is no other
way to put it. I've also noticed something here. You're making the
verses rhyme. It is not necissary for poetry to rhyme so don't force it.

People told me to think happy thoughts

and that idea never quiet worked never caught

Again, the rhyme sounds forced. And I find that the top line
is way over used.

so in turn I have a new idea,

its really creative and has lots of appeal

This line doesn't really go all that well. You're forcing the lines
to rhyme and the reader can tell. Some of the best poetry isn't with
rhyme.

don’t think happy thoughts, think happy people.

the darkness won't come, it won't steal.

Is it just me or is that almost the same thing. Wouldn't thinking
of happy people be thinking happy thoughts? This poem doesn't really
make sense. And the last line, well, doesn't sound that well to end a poem on.


OVERALL:

You force the rhyme in this poem and its really noticiable. Also you punctuation is horrible on this
Use punctuation and correct grammar, they are your friends. Also the whole message of this poem,
is well, I don;t get it. Its not really deep, nor carry any signifigant meaning. I would suggest that you go over this poem again and ask yourself, "What is the message of this poem?" Practice makes perfect, and I'm sure that with practice you will become better. Keep writing.

~Alyss