Salt

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Gender Female
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When skies painted waters azure - breathing,
When flowers caught lucid fire - scathing,
When my rib cage contracted - in tempo desiderata,
I knew.

I knew -

There was no flash across my pupils,
A painful instance -
My cornea burnt with a finality,
The white blindness,
From looking at the midday sun

Or mountain snow, glaciers - try reading French,
A touch of the clouds, spinning me away
To where brightness amalgamates obscurity.

There was just that - salt.

Salt engraved into my skin, an alien,
And salt aging under the world from its beginning,
Leaving white shifting fingerprints
On the stones
In the air -

Poseidon




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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 273
Hey, I'm Kirsten and I am here to review. No reviews yet? :( Let's change that ;)
Okay, onto your poem. xD

When skies painted waters azure - breathing,

When flowers caught lucid fire - scathing,

When my rib cage contracted - in tempo desiderata,

I knew.
I guess we could kind of call this the first stanza, eh? I really liked this. You have good imagery, I can feel the scene, really great description. xD



I knew -



There was no flash across my pupils,

A painful instance -

My cornea burnt with a finality,

The white blindness,

From looking at the midday sun



Or mountain snow, glaciers - try reading French,

A touch of the clouds, spinning me away

To where brightness amalgamates obscurity.



There was just that - salt.



Salt engraved into my skin, an alien,

And salt aging under the world from its beginning,

Leaving white shifting fingerprints

On the stones

In the air -
Wow, I love the imagery.



Poseidon�s hands

Gigantic

Miniscule

Trace all the crevices of a man�s life -

They leave no immobile claims -



Just white specks of realization. So bitter.
I love the ending. :)

Okay.

Flow
I actually liked the flow, I don't think it was perfect, but it was nice. There's probably ways to improve it, but flaws make things better, sometimes flaws improve writing, in this case, they do.

Structure
Perhaps a little different, but good.

imagery
I really loved the imagery in this piece. Beautiful. parfait. I really enjoyed it, and I mean really. xD

Okay, I have to go, I shall come back later perhaps and improve this review, if I remember. Well done. :)


~Kirsten
xoxo
for what are we without words and stories?



#longlivebigbrother
— alliyah