Just joined, so thought I should just post something.

Written on paper we read
Made by or fathers we need
To sustain a proper form
I call to the Judge

With freedoms we live
with tolerence we withold

How dare we treat this
with bribes and capital wages

Our leaders follow the same
shit that tempts us
with lies that everyone sees

Made by many
followed by few
it makes me sick
to see it happen for a selfish cause.

Just to get that check.

Again its a spur so be easy.

HI! Welcome to YWS! Since I see this is your first post, don't forget to post a 'ello on the Welcome forum under Community Forums (its the first one). That way everyone can introduce themselves (we're all very friendly)

Anyway to the review!
I'm usually not a poetry person but I saw a new member so I'll give it a shot.

The first stanza didn't flow right for me. The first two lines are good, its the last ones that don't have the same amount of syllables. "I call to the Judge" is different from the others...

Because of the fore mentioned fact, I'm not sure if this applies (poetry isn't the most definite thing in the world) but you have four line stanzas, two line stanzas, three line stanzas and even lonely one lined stanzas. I would stick to just one kind. But then again...

Actually, back to the first two lines of the first stanza. They rhyme. There's no more rhyming in the rest of the poem like that. So this is another thing with keeping everything the same.

Well all in all, I think everything else falls into those two things: "sameness" and syllables.

Also, this is just my personal suggestion. The profanity doesn't really fit in the poem to me.

Good work.

I agree with both of you. Again it was a spur of the moment, to see what I could do in a flinch.

And I have tried to review, but it says I have only posted.

To be counted as a review they have to be longer. I'm not sure what the cutoff for a post to be a review is but I think it has to make at least 25 points. I'm sure you could look it up somewhere ttry the wiki or click on a little question mark somewhere. anyway welcome to YWS.

Haloo. I'm Nixie.XD

I loved the idea of your poem. It's so modern. Politcal, Economic and Social issues and the line where you say that the leaders are those that follow those that tempt us was awesome. I liked it because it was an idea I often see in essays or extemporaneous speeches but hardly ever in poetry so great job with that.

Uh... For a problem I saw though, the first part of your poem had a rhyme going and then it wasn't continued. I thought it kinda threw the momentum off.

Anyway. Your post has to be a little long for it to be counted as a review. If it's too short it'll only be a post. So, welcome to YWS.XD

I lliked the poem, it had a nicce, somewhat unique rhythm to it,
not a big fan of swearing in your work, but hell, it aint my poem.
(I know, blasphemy)

it seems to me to be about the truth of scoiety, how the governemtn is feeding us lies, and I think I might be reading way more into this than intended.

its about money as god, how people seem to worship the almighty dollar, and how money has become the driving characteristic of our world.

So we think we have freedoms, but our freedoms are limited by our wallets,yes?

It is so easy. I probably read this poem entirely wrong, Oh well, something not quite right...

Peace,
God

I liked this poem. You expressed raw emotion well. I thought the same as God;
I think it's about money. About how the world is so involved with money. About how we seem to think we are free, how we're all individuals, when in reality, we're not, we all worship the same thing, whether intentionally or not. Money. How we're not really free, and how everything is run by money. Yes? No?
Anyway, back to your poem;
I liked it, sure there wasn't much imagery or anthing, but it had a good flow and it was unique, like God said.
There are lots of ways you could improve it, but I think this poem's fine as it is. xD
Well done

xoxo