nvm 6

void.

Hmm... the poem was very strong and understood right away what you were getting at. Nice choice of words by the way.

However I didn't like the format too much. The ideas didn't flow together too well. Motsly it was about ugliness or self hatred but there were some other images and ideas in the poem that I could link to well with the other words. It was almost as if they didn't belong there.

For example:

I’m selfish and unworthy

Unworthy makes sense but selfish doesn't. You haven't shown anything else that shoes selfishness in your poem and that word 'selfish' stands out on its own, disturbing and distracting.

I hate myself

For asking for more

This part to stands on it's own making not much sense with the rest. Maybe you should blend this bit more by showing us conveying to us what asking for more is. Or more specifically why she would hate herself for it.


Again, there are some powerful words and images in this poem. You just need to make them run more smoothly and some how link them all to the main theme.

-Zehra

P.S. It's not horrible at all, dear.

I’m insecure

Disgusted by my reflection

Like there are a million

Razor blades piercing my skin

I’m selfish and unworthy

My face is shattered

As my bones are broken

I’m losing all my hope

In a disfigured body

The lines flow okay here. Its the following lines in the poem that bother me. Also, you could use some stanzas.

Useless

In a world meant

For the beautiful

Rejected

Taunted

Ruined

There’s only so much

I can take

Before I break

Before I crumble

So obscure

To those

Incepting

I hate myself

For asking for more

I don’t deserve

To taint

This world

with such an ugly bitterness

I take from those in need

All for my desire

To be seen

I out-lash at the caring

I complain

I cry out

For no reason

Full of hatred

And jealousy

I’m ugly

These lines are short and cut off. They don't flow as easily. I would suggest that you connect some of these lines. Is the person in the poem feeling selfish because they want to be beautiful? That is the only thing I could guess at that.

You need to put some punctuation in your poem. Take some care with it. Go and edit it. Put in some punctauation to make it flow better. It really makes a difference. You could also try some stanzas. And maybe change the format. You had a spelling mistake in the poem somewhere. However, the poem was strong and I could feel emotion pouring out of it. The poem was beautiful.

So this style is not what i expected but i liked it very much. i completly understood what was going on as should most people who have had a tough time. it left me kinda sad because anyone who looks at themselves like this should realize that they have something the world wants and hates them for.

I say lets all go take a moral-boosting course!

btw, lyrics to a hit song, right in that poem.
go for it. =)