So Untouched Part Two

Thanks so everyone who reviewed my last entry! I will enter a revised one later, but now I have so many ideas in my head that I have to get them out!

Oh and an FYI my entries are usually short, because my brain can only work so fast. I like to go bit by bit.

Thanks again,
Smileforever

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I woke up in a fog. My room felt so cold, and my face felt a little bit frosted. I blinked repeatedly to shake the heaviness from my eyelids. My face felt dry from all the tears I shed last night. I promised myself I wouldn't cry, but how could I not?

Life was getting so complicated. He was everything I imagined the one would be. He was perfect, but I wasn't. I wasn't comfortable with the same things he was. I felt so stupid and small. Like the whole world was waiting for me to grow up.

I sighed and sat up. I ran my fingers through my knotted hair. I glanced at my clock. 6:34 AM. The red numbers stared at me reminded me that I would have to be strong and go to school today. I wasn't strong enough to see him again. Never the less I had to swallow my pathetic heart broken attitude, and face the world.

I pulled on black skinny jeans, and a white long-sleeved v-neck shirt. I looked in the mirror. My wardrobe looked acceptable, but my face was smeared with black makeup. I quickly rinsed off my face, and applied another coat of make-up. I slid on my black converse, and trudged out my bedroom door.

I trotted down the steps. I saw my mother at the table staring at me. She knew something was wrong. The whole house knew that something was wrong. I cried like those hysterical girls you see on reality t.v. shows. She smiled sweetly at me. I knew she wouldn't ask me anything about my crying. "Going to school?" She questioned.

"Yeah," I said slowly. Heading toward the door.

"Have a good day!" She shouted as I shut the door.

I paused outside the door, and took in a breath of the cold air. I breathed out as the steam from my breath clouded my face. The clouds hid the sun yet it still seemed to push its way through, lighting the world. I sighed and started walking to school.

I arrived at a sign that read JAMESTOWN HIGH SCHOOL. I walked past the sign and headed to my locker. My frozen fingers slowly opened turned the knob, as I put in my combination. I reached in and pulled out a massive history book. Then the bell rang leaving my ears ringing. I slammed my locker shut, and continued on my way. Then I saw the most peculiar creature.

He had black hair that slightly covered his ears. I couldn't see his green eyes very well though his shaggy hair. He was tall and lengthy. His torso seemed to be stretched, and I could only imagine how sculpted he was under his black sweatshirt. He glanced my way, and continued to walk on his way.

How could I have not noticed him before? Granted, Jamestown high school was a big school. But he looked so different than the others. He looked fascinating, like a book that has a mysterious title. I wanted to know more.

I glanced over my shoulder only to see him standing my the corner. Was he watching me? He smiled the most sinister smile I had ever seen. Instantly butterflies started ripping through my stomach.

I trotted down the steps. I saw my mother at the table staring at me. She knew something was wrong. The whole house knew that something was wrong. I cried like those hysterical girls you see on reality t.v. shows. She smiled sweetly at me. I knew she wouldn't ask me anything about my crying. "Going to school?" She questioned.

I think you should enter before the mother speaks, that is just me : )

I pulled on black skinny jeans, and a white long-sleeved v-neck shirt. I looked in the mirror. My wardrobe looked acceptable, but my face was smeared with black makeup. I quickly rinsed off my face, and applied another coat of make-up. I slid on my black converse, and trudged out my bedroom door.

I LOVE this paragraph. I just like how you described her clothing. Maybe I like it because I like wearing that stuff : )

Then I saw the most peculiar creature.

I like how you called him a 'peculiar creature' rather than just any other boy. It makes it more interesting. More MYSTERIOUS : D

All in all, I really like it, please keep it up because lord knows I never do : P

PM me when you have some more up!!

~Pandy~ (BECAUSE PANDAS ARE COOL LIKE THAT!)

I enjoyed this part
I'm going to be pretty general with my corrections this time and leave the grammar corrections to someone else, because most of my critique is kind of the same.

I think you should combine your sentences more than just "I...." after "I..." almost everytime.

My wardrobe looked acceptable, but my face was smeared with black makeup. I quickly rinsed off my face, and applied another coat of make-up.

I would probably probably say instead "..applied another coat of make-up." and switch it with "applied a fresh/new coat" because you had already said make-up, so it's kind of redundant repeating the object.

He glanced my way, and continued to walk on his way.

I suggest using a different word than "way" twice. Possibly, "direction" or "path"?

I'm curious to see what happens next

hey,

I am so glad you decide to continue.

I have to say that i like this part. This boy...is he going to be her new love interest?

I can see at the beginning that she try to get over the boy from the first part, but didn't sucede. she ened up cry over him, especialy when she said or thought she wasn't going to. And then she was thinking about skipping school because of him, but she decide to go anway, a good attitude.

this looks really promising. I am off to read the third part.