Another Broken Song

This is my first attempt at writing lyrics. I'm thinking of entering BBB's contest, but I'm not sure about my songwriting abililty. So, please critique!

Another Broken Song
The bright stars in this night sky
are calling me back to you.
Back to singing in my car, just talkin’ like we do.
One year. One season. One heart torn in two.

Chorus
Here’s another broken song,
Here’s one more sigh for you.
I’m thinkin’ life’s become more difficult
Since the day that I met you.

Red shirt. Blue eyes. Kind face.
But your personality made me melt.
Should I see you again? I’m so unsure of what to say
And no longer sure ‘bout how I felt.

Here’s another broken song,
Here’s one more try for you---

Bridge
This freckled dark sky reminds me of two kids,
The summer before college at 1am
And I was free to laugh all night.
But now I hide in memories
That are too strong to fight…

Chorus
Here’s another broken song,
Here’s one more cry for you.
I’m thinkin’ life’s become more difficult
Since the day that I met you.

Stand there with your smile, sure,
But what am I supposed to do now?
I can't just pretend you're gone.
So here's what I'm gonna do--

Another broken song.
One more verse for you.
Life is much more difficult
Since the day I met you.

for a first attemt this really good, just a couple of things:

Here’s another broken song,
Here’s one more sigh for you.
I’m thinkin’ life’s become more difficult
Since the day that I met you.

the bolded line doesn't flow with the rest of the stanza, and in turn interrupts the rhythm of the song. try changing 'become to been', and 'difficult' to 'troublin''

This freckled dark sky reminds me of two teenagers,
The summer before college at 1am
And I was free to laugh all night.
But now I hide in memories
That are too strong to fight…

yoo do the same thing as in the other stanza. teenagers has too many syllabils to fit in with the rest of the stanza. Try using "kids" instead



-guitargrl